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Sister's and BIL's Relationship Problem

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shuriti, Jan 29, 2015.

  1. shuriti

    shuriti New IL'ite

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    To all the indus ladies, i need some advice on a situation occured in my sisters life.

    My Sister loved a person and got married to him. There was bit of anger from my BIL's parents. But finally they got married to their requirements and demands. They now got a 1 year old baby and my parents came to help them out during pregnancy. During their stay one fine day my mum asked my BIL for constantly scolding my Sister with bad words infornt of them.

    There was an argument which i got to know recently. Now my parents left to india and his parents joinined them. Well my sister works full time and they look after the baby on weekdays. Sister's MIL does cooking for the lunch time and my sister does roties for the dinner time (Depending on her MILS mood she may or may not cook enough). MIL get holiday on weekends from baby houshold work and just allocates time to talk to her daughter and playing video games. They are planning to bring BIL's Sisters family to overseas to give some rest as she recently got family planning operation. She is coming with her husband and two kids. There is no objection from my sisters side. All the applications are processed and they will be joining them for 1 month.


    Yesterday, the baby vomited what ever they gave to her. First milk was given she vomited that. Then they gave some rice and she vomited even that. My sister gave her a small peice of carrrot and even that came out. While all of them sat down for dinner, my sister gave small peice of roti to the baby(she said thinking she might eat) and her husband suddenly shouted on her. I sister gave a serious look as their inlaws where sitting infont of her. She felt sad and didnt eat the food and went to her room. My BIL came to their room and started beating her a fight broke out and their parent came in to see them fighting. They stopped them and when MIL turned he started to fight at this point my wife shouted her MIL. His Dad was in tears itseems seeing them fight like that. i am not on the side of my sister or BIL. I told her there are ways to do arguments in a human way. i told her to be patient in such situation and act maturely. My sisters arguement is he told her why you are so head strong and who is suggesting you all this(directing to my mother).


    I want your advises on how to handle this situation. Basically my sister has no say on what happens in their house. Decisions are made between parents and son(only when they are here). My sister will be told at the end. My sister is a strong persons and a matured lady. i was shocked to hear what happened. Her salary will be going to his account on the day she gets paid. He told her that he will be giving divorce to her. Just got really scared of this and want to give her genuine suggestions to her.


    Please not that my BIL is good person in general. but is very nagging about what we cook and if turns out bad. he does look after my sister well but when he gets angry bad words and mistreatment and pinching her is what i noticed.
     
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  2. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Please take the divorce, he does mean well. Violence in marriage cannot be justified or neglected. If this is a routine for your sister, advice her to give one warning or take it to the next level.

    If this happened for the first time, then once all parents leave, they can sort it out.
    He needs some anger management classes or counseling.
     
  3. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    I am not an expert on child care. But, when the baby is sick, the couple fight for no reason. That builds tension between the couple and there were spectators at the scene to make it worse.

    The MIL seems to care for the baby in their absence and it is a great help, also too much to expect from her at her old age. Tension build up when constantly elders live in the house.

    Eventually, the couple will resolve it by themselves. Be a good listener to your sister but, hold your thoughts/views on their personal matter.

    To me, it sounds like harsh words exchanged at the heat of the moment.
     
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  4. nivsrini

    nivsrini Silver IL'ite

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    I too feel the same. Might be your sister is constantly ill treated and that anger would have got exposed at that moment which has been in the mind for all these days. Let them be alone without elders at home.
     
  5. Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    The time when the child is small infant to toddler in the house, the time is really difficult for the entire family. There is a new helpless member in the house that needs care and everybody will be putting in their best. It is just a difficult time and your sister should act maturely more calmly. The child may be teething and therefore even more caution may need to be exercised. Ur sisters ILs seem to be nice as they stopped and became unhappy on the fights. She can be calm so that slowly she can even be part of the decision making process.
     
  6. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    Possibly your sister's in laws can talk to your BIL. Violence is not the answer. For such a small thing, he is ready to hit his wife. Your sister needs to be calm and observe his behavior.

    Please ask your sister to talk to her in-laws. I feel any violence, however small should not be ignored.
     
  7. Sahana1

    Sahana1 New IL'ite

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    You don't have to do divorce
    He is only beating her when he is angry
    So she has to take care when he is angry
    Divorce is not a solution
    It will affect her baby
    My opinion is that your parents and your sister's husband's parents should talk to him seriously
    Regards,
    Sahana
     
  8. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Your BIL seems to be a control freak .He wants to control your sis ,so he takes her salary and makes himself the whole authority.He doesnt think she has any right to react to his anger.He treats her well when she behaves according to his expectation.This divorce matter is simply a control tactics ,control freaks dont like to lose thier victim.So its just a threat for your sis to fall to his feet,nothing serious for you to worry.As the fight happened before audience he may expect Your sis to lick his boots before everyone to satisfy his ego .
     
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  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Your BIL is acting like jerk and your sister instead of dealing with him is directing her anger towards pils who seem to be taking are of house and child well enough according to your OP .

    your sister needs to figure out a way to handle aggressive and physically abusing BIL . The abuse should not be taken lightly . Your sister is earning and can stand on her feet if required , she should not get afraid of divorce threats. She needs to evaluate is the marriage is worth with all the abuse and take steps to find solutions to rectify bil
    behaviour or think about separation seriously .

    there is evidence that her salary is being deposited into your BIL account , if it comes to divorce you sister an use this detail To her advantage to get the assets or amount divided . These facts should not scare her into living with an abuser.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell her to keep a record of his mistreatment .Tell her to talk to in laws to sort him out or things will lead to separation.Also tell her to inform them that the next time he raises his hand...she will call the police.
    Also tell her to not give her salary to him.Why pay him for abusing her?Shameless control freak jerk!
    As for threatening divorce....the jerk has more to lose than her.
     
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