Financial assistance - Double standard.

Be it a man or a woman helping family members who are in need is considered positive/ noble. Taking permission is not necessary but discussing with your spouse and coming up with an amt is important.
All said, there are instances where though the family doesn't need or are well off kinda try to milk the situation. This is what is condemned and considered un-noble (if there is a word like tht.. )

 

Is there behind some double standard that the wifes salary is her own money, the husbands money belongs to the family?

Those examples also reflect that the standard of living/wealth is very inequally distributed and moving abroad seems to cause this. Usually the parents are having more wealth than their adult children (as the parents have been working many years more than the children) and siblings about the same level.

 

Its funny that you mention this. I actually went through this with my dh. He always felt that i decided things (for both of us, few times) without asking him (not in money matters). Its not like i took major decisions without asking him, but small things. I am always working towards taking his opinion (ever since he pointed it out) before i venture to make decisions by myself.

But whether it is a man or woman, communication is important. No matter how small the things is, keeping your spouse in loop before deciding something with other people is really crucial for marriage.

 

Frankly I am a bit old fashion and I believe that the income (no matter husband or wife earns) is joint income for their family unit (meaning includes only the spouses and their kids).

Any gifts made to either set of extended families should be made jointly limited to the comfort of both parties. I won't be rushing to praise some one regardlesss of gender who rushes to make these decisions arbitrarily because of fact that they earned it. For a marriage to be strong, one should respect their spouse and seek consensus on all important matter.

 

I don't have a problem in supporting / praising both man and women if they are extending help to parents .

i also think it is very important to have own income source and maintain some autonomy on your income and spending . Spouse should be involved in major decisions but not for every paisa / dollar being spent . Spouse can be informed in some cases and consulted in some cases .

 

I think we are, at least I am, admiring these women's independence and the ability to make their own decisions regarding the salary they earn. In many cases, either IL or husband take the working woman's money or tell her how to spend it. A woman who can send gifts to her family by herself becomes like an icon for others.

Of course, the salary a couple earns is their joint income, and they both should involve the other in decision-making before gifting their families.

 

"trust" is the word. if that exists between couple, either woman/man won't be afraid to tell their better half weather she plan to spend money on her/his family or give them money. Most of the time money is given to extended family by keeping other partner out of picture which mostly describes lack of trust between two person.

If there is trust than in case other person don't find it appropriate in some scenario they have chance to discuss it out. But when either of one side doesn't involve other lack of trust become reason for fight and mis-communication.

Only advice , i give to my friends who got married after me or even my cousin Sister-in-laws which are far younger than me, make sure to build trust with your life partner. If couple has total trust and good communication in all topics, many issues can be avoided.

Speficially financial decision like this are more tricky because it not only requires to look at whom money is given but why/for what need and how this would impact couple's own life monetarily.