1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Expectations of girl's these days for wedding..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    looking for a girl for my brother to get married.

    he is an engineering graduate,earning quite well, pleasant and decent looking and fit.has own house and car.
    he has not much expectations.just a basic graduate from a decent family.working or not is upto her.we are looking for a girl for more than 3 years but to no avail.

    what I think could be a minus point from girl's point of view..
    1) he is not fair.he is not dark either.
    2) he lives with my mother.no father.

    mother is ready to live separated from him as she feels probably the girl's do not want inlaws living with them.I am ready to take care of my mom.

    still..nothing is happening.what are girl's expectations these days?
     
    Loading...

  2. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,623
    Likes Received:
    1,702
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    His being dark definately has nothing to do with him not finding a suitable match.

    Not all girls want to live separately from their in laws from day one of marriage. Especially since he has only one parent, a girl will not be so intimidated about this.

    There could be other reasons which you really cannot help.

    1) His prospective brides might be wanting their grooms to be from a particular country i.e either from India or USA or others countries.

    2) They might be stringent about horoscope matching, this info is available on the matrimony sites and they might be rejecting on this grounds without even you being notified about it.

    3) His pay might not be in their desired range.

    4) Caste and even subcaste are important criteria to some girls.


    Sometimes we are not able to fathom why things don't work out inspite of everything being right in our view.
    Just give it some more time and have faith.
    I too am looking for my groom for close to 2 years now, but I have not even been able to reach the stage of meeting a single man in person.
     
    3 people like this.
  3. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    961
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should mention clearly that you will be taking care of your mother. Ask your brother to have an open discussion on expectations with the girl.

    See if things improve.

    It is normal to take 3 yrs + for marriage. Don't lose hope yet.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,633
    Likes Received:
    4,991
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Things will work out. When it happens, suddenly everything clicks. These days people have a lot of choices so they are not able to decide and hence are confused. How many times we go to buy a saree or dress and are confused with the choices and come out empty handed. Earlier days, there were limited stores and limited choices to select from. If for simple things, we get confused, for life partner it is obvious that people get confused and need more time.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,380
    Likes Received:
    1,483
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    When time is right all will fall in place..keep the search on.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    My brother's search went on for a long time too but it all fell into place suddenly.

    Are you getting prospective matches? At what stage do they fizzle out? Are you / your mum meeting the parents of girls? Has your brother met any of the girls? Superficial as it sounds, from what I've seen from my and my husband's family recently, a very good, genuine photo (not a studio one or artificially posed one) goes a long way in a prospective bride shortlisting his profile.

    Please don't stress on where your mum will be or who she will be with. Making these "promises" doesn't seem wise to me. It gives an impression that you are desperate and wouldn't induce any trust. You could perhaps mention in passing that you and your brother are equally responsibility towards your mum and leave it at that.

    All the best!
     
    7 people like this.
  7. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    820
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Anika,

    We are looking for a grrom for my SIL and had turned down many grooms. For us reason is -
    1. subcast and area - we are looking only for grooms who belongs from area near by to us so that we can have background check.
    2. My SIL is wheatish and we do not any issue with groom being dark (but I know it can be a reson for some one..this was criteria for many of my friends but never for me..as my brothers are not fair and my DH too is dark :) )

    3. For us - NRIs or who work in abroad is big No No..had turned down many grooms because of their working status in other country. In my society (area), family doesn't want to mary their girl to a boy who are out of India.

    4. Some time attitude (normally me or DH talk to grrom before moving to next step). One o recent example was one guy had showed interest on my SIL profile and we talked him and liked too. Later on he said "I m looking for girl who is capable of working but not willing to work after marriage. I belive I'll be able to earn to take care of all the expenses" and we denied this too (basically it was me who denied). My thought are it should be mutual understanding.

    5. Living with MIL is never a reason for us to deny (even for my SIL too). All she wants her to be DH should respect her parents what he is expecting from her. This is what I expected from my DH too :). But some times guys and their family show lots of attitude like it's only girls responsibility not boys. (we filtered out 40% of boys beccause of this attitude)
     
    2 people like this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi guesshoo..

    we have conversations through emails and we check the horoscopes.After checking,we revert back about the horoscope matching whether it clicked or not.many times it has clicked from our side and we let them know about it but they do not even respond backat the leas, it would be courteous to atleast respond and not keepign us in the radar.from our side, we always respond.

    as you said,though I want to take care of my mom,i do not want to stress this first itself.After marriage,if things do not work out,one makes demands it is totally reasonable.Before entering the wedding itself,hearing about others talk about inlaws and coming to a decision and stressing they want to be nuclear may not be wise.As you said,i will mention that I am also responsible in taking care of my mom. Infact,i will be more than happy to have my mom live with me.
     
  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    1,636
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Is your brother living in the US? Has he tried to find a partner the non-arranged way?
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. friendforever

    friendforever New IL'ite

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi anika your threat subject line that's saying real fact which I also observe since long time I am looking girl since long time but not work I am normal average guy working in Us based company as sr. Analyst salary also getting enough not high not low but I feel that girls expectation is too much high even I saw matrimonail site lots of girls are cross 34+ even I am also cross 34 but don't know where we are going.
    I gave u example Ithats my not took from somewhere and mentioned in my threat I have fixed with one girl because we also tired to search girl since long time then we finally fixed with one girl my mom cleared everything we don't want anything she want work or not that's depend on her but if they want stay separate that's no problem but my condition was clear I mentioned with girl u have support my mother and job study that's depend on you u want job or not totally depend on u even it was fixed girl said OK but don't know after sometime they said no its happened after her relatives visit at home here I don't say its girl expectation and may be girl parents also expectation too high.. Sometime I feel scare of this marriage name...
     

Share This Page