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Help Me Coming Out Of Husband's Cheating..Plsss

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Belovedsister, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. Belovedsister

    Belovedsister Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi dear sisters,

    Sorry for the long post, I have tried my best to make it as brief as possible.

    I have been married for 6 yrs. I have gone through v tough time in my early married years .my mil and sil has made my life hell to me. My MIL is v pocessive abt my husband, to the extent that she was using bad words for me if she comes to know that me n my hubby had s** ,which is a basic right of a married couple. She was asking me to take bath before any1 wakes up , (before4:30am) and our geyser was not working that time, she was not allowing me to enter kitchen before taking bath, to heat water.I was forced to take bath with cold water early 4am(am always used to take hot baths, I get breathing prob if I take bath with cold water).Even with all these difficulties I never said NO to my husband whenever he wanted s**. I loved him a lott. MIL used to bad mouth my parents in front of me. I was not allowed to go out with my husband. Husband is not allowed to bring any gift for me.Husband is not allowed to visit my parents. MIL is always taunting me for no reason.Am a peace loving girl. I don’t like quarreling. I compromised with all these and a lot more only for my husband.

    Now a yr back we have shifted separately. I am a working women. 3months back I came to know abt my husbands affair with a girl residing in our area. When I came to know about this I got shattered, continuously tears were rolling down my eyes for all week long. I lost faith in love and marriage.i couldn’t bear him touching me. While I go to office and work all day long for our future he used to call that girl to my home and they had s**. I loved him a lot. I completely lost myself.I never expected this from him. I couldn’t be able to think any thing.I tried to commit suicide with my 3 yr old . I didn’t wanted to leave my son with my husband. When he came to know this he rushed to the placed and rescued us. He accepted that he did a big mistake, begged for forgiveness. He said He will make me trust him for the whole life.He will bring back my lost faith and he cant live without me.He sworn on our son that he will not keep that girl in contact in any way. He has sworn on the Holy Book as well. I had no option but to give him a chance again. when I asked him how n all about the affair he told it has been started even before our marriage( that women is married with 2 children, with an elder girl aged 11yrs, she was in love with my husband before marriage).Till now he is not in touch with her. she texted couple of days before that why he is not receiving her calls. He texted her back not to call or msg him again. He has even told her that he cant continue all these. whenever I see that girl I just go out of my control. My pressure rises to the max.
    My mom has already so many tensions. She trusts my husband. I didn’t tell abt this to any1 except my sis. I cant give the same respect to my husband which he was getting before . I am confused to believe him again or not. Sometimes I feel I should sometimes I cant.

    Am not leading a healthy married life. Please help me how to deal with this delimma.

    Indusladies forum is a boon for me, the most trusted place to reach out whenever in a problem.
     
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  2. mithu202

    mithu202 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    If you are staying in rented house, just move out from that place and change your husband mobile number, You have kid, what wrong did he do?? why should he forced to commit suicide??
    And you are working , you can stand alone . If you want give him a chance else come out of this relationship..

    Be strong , If you cry or show your weakness at this time , he will take you for granted.Be bold, stubborn, Just live happily. Take care of your kid, Your DH should feel that you are mentally prepared for any situation.
    It's easy to give advice , but sit for sometime alone and take a decision of your own, Please don't ever think of committing suicide.

    My prayers for you.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP....your husband was spineless in front of his mother.
    He was a cheating jerk behind your back...but all this is nothing compared to what you tried.You tried to kill your helpless child whom you are supposed to nurture. At least he is not that bad.You should be grateful you are not in jail.

    If you are worried about him getting back with that woman...just walk up to her and tell her if she tries keeping any kind of contact with your husband ,you will tell her husband and daughter every detail of her sex escapades with your husband.

    Please get some help for your suicidal tendencies or leave your child with a person you cares more for him.
     
  4. Belovedsister

    Belovedsister Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you Mithu and yellowmango for your quick n concerned reply!!

    I know what i tried was wrong ,but i didnt wanted my son to b under his parenting and become like him and ruin some other girls' life.that time i had lost my thinking power.

    I cant give the same respect to my husband which he was getting before . I am confused to believe him again or not. Sometimes I feel I should sometimes I cant and i lose my peace of mind.

    Am not leading a healthy married life. Please help me how to deal with this delimma.

    Now
     
  5. mithu202

    mithu202 Silver IL'ite

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    Atleast now you realised what you did was wrong..

    It's human nature, sometimes you feel like forgiving him and sometimes you are out of control.
    Coming to your point,

    1) Shift your house, Your DH told all the truth and he admitted what he did was wrong, so he is ready to listen you. If you want to live with him watch for another three months silently , If he tries to contact that lady apply for divorce, else if you find him genuine, Forget everything and try to live happily.

    2) At any point don't try to commit suicide, or fight or talk about this in front of your son. You may forget this as days pass but your son will never forget all this If he is able to understand what is happening around.

    I am able to give advice on this because in one of my post I have posted that neighbour approached my Dh , but whenever I see her I will fight with my DH a lot, Even though he didn't commit any mistake.
     
  6. YoginiVenkat

    YoginiVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Belovedsister,

    what your H did can never be forgotten and ofcourse he will not receive the same respect from you anymore. If you want to give a chance, do give him. But monitor him very well. See if he s trying to move away from that affair and is sincere to you.

    I know its easy for anyone to tell. But think twice before you do anything. Keep your son in mind. U can also leave him at your mom's place for a while so that u get time to sort out ur issues. Never try to suicide. After all you dint do anything wrong. Be strong.
     
  7. mithu202

    mithu202 Silver IL'ite

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    And also I wanted to tell you , Your DH committed a mistake and you want to punish yourself and your son, What stupid act is this???

    What will happen If you die???? Is he going to die along with you??

    Just live and try to make him understand what he did was wrong.

    Leave about your inlaws blah blah.

    You live for yourself and your kid.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    first thing I wanted to do is,give that girl who had sex with your husband the beating of her life! my blood is boiling.

    secondly,I would not have forgiven hubby so easily.one question...isn't your hubby working?how come his office is ok with him taking days off to be with this lady?

    thirdly,i would call some well wishers and warn that s*** of an woman.sorry to be so rude with words.

    i know how painful it is..moving to a different place is not the best option but if you feell hubby has really changed try moving to a different area.
     
  9. oysterzzz

    oysterzzz Gold IL'ite

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    I didn't want to answer as other sisters have already given you very good advices. but regarding above, you are worried about some other girl whose life may/may not be ruined by your son if he is not brought up properly. Please concentrate upon your kid first, then you may think about the society. You do not have any right to take your son's life, even if you are his mother, you do not have that right. So please don't even think about it in future.
     
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  10. bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    Not able to understand by OP.

    1. How come her MIL know that she had sex with her husband which make MIL to insist her of taking bath at 4.30 AM??
    2. Is her MIL is wrong to keep kitchen hygiene in place?
    3. Who stops to get the geyser repair? Or asking MIL or DH to provide hot water.
    4. How come DH engaged with other women during working hours at their house? Is his office hours are different? Or is he not working?
     

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