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Affairs are accidents ! The spouse is not the reason for one's affair !

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by silentlistener, Dec 24, 2014.

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  1. Dec 24, 2014 #1
    silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    When a married man or woman starts an extra marital affair, often one spouse is blamed for the affair of the other. Suppose, if the husband is cruel, unsympathetic to his wife, emotionally absent always, does not support her in her difficult times and always makes her feel let down. This wife starts an affair with another man. Many believe the husband is the reason for the wife’s affair.


    A woman is very un-adjusting, always quarrelsome, keeps nagging her husband always, always unavailable for intimacy, suspects every move of him as bad, makes his daily life miserable. This husband develops an affair with a woman outside. Many believe the wife is the reason for the husband’s affair.


    The other side of the story is : husbands and wives develop affairs outside, when everything is fine with their spouse also. When a spouse develops an affair, it is totally an individual affair confined to himself/herself. The other spouse’s infirmities and shortcomings are not the reason for the affair. This is what I think.


    Does one spouse drives the other into an affair ? Or, affairs are 'accidents' one gets involved into, unintentionally, without any pre-meditated intentions ? Like any other road accident, an affair also can happen to any one, accidentally.


    What do you think ?
     
    silentlistener, Dec 24, 2014
    silentlistener, Dec 24, 2014
    #1
    1 person likes this.
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  2. Dec 24, 2014 #2
    dewdropp

    dewdropp Senior IL'ite

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    No one can say affair is an "ACCIDENT" and shy away .

    How can a fully grown adult 'unintentionally' get into a illicit relationship and how can someone justify that as an accident ?

    Two wrongs does not make one right . A spouse making daily life miserable is no way related to driving a person into affair.It is a lame excuse .

    If some one is making life miserable , moving away is the right thing to do .Affair is like backstabbing .

    It is a person's greed,selfishness,lack of self control,lack of personal discipline that leads to affairs.

    Dont blame others people for your actions.
     
    dewdropp, Dec 24, 2014
    dewdropp, Dec 24, 2014
    #2
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  3. Dec 24, 2014 #3
    anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    you can't justify infidelity. If something is wrong with a relation, one needs to either try and fix it or leave it before jumping into another.
     
    anahita5, Dec 24, 2014
    anahita5, Dec 24, 2014
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  4. Dec 24, 2014 #4
    silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your views, anahita and dewdrop.
     
    silentlistener, Dec 24, 2014
    silentlistener, Dec 24, 2014
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  5. Dec 25, 2014 #5
    bharathivignesh

    bharathivignesh Bronze IL'ite

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    The society often blames the spouse for the affair.
     
    bharathivignesh, Dec 25, 2014
    bharathivignesh, Dec 25, 2014
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  6. Dec 25, 2014 #6
    amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    Well said! And very true
     
    amnilakshmi, Dec 25, 2014
    amnilakshmi, Dec 25, 2014
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  7. Dec 26, 2014 #7
    Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    Thinking outside this forum that is Relationship/Married life.....an affair can happen! There my be nothing to be blamed....... things may b super fine in the marriage but an affair can happen. It is said that ppl can fall in true love 11 times in their life. That is if the affair is based on love.
    It may also be that the spouse is lured into having an affair. "Man" being a animal attached with emotions always tries to find a place where he/she is happy/comfortable and therefore if there is a problem at home definitely person may try to find solace outside.
    Ofcourse then there are personality traits where ppl enjoy being in more than one relationships. (like the protagonist of "Pati patni aur voh")
     
    Khushi78, Dec 26, 2014
    Khushi78, Dec 26, 2014
    #7
  8. Jun 24, 2015 #8
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    One 'falls in love.' There is 'love at first sight.'

    There is no 'falling in an affair' or 'affair at first sight'

    It is a conscious decision over which the person has sufficient control, should he/she wish to exercise it.
     
    Rihana, Jun 24, 2015
    Rihana, Jun 24, 2015
    #8
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  9. Jun 24, 2015 #9
    Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    There is a quote that "Real men leave instead of having an affair"

    If one is in an unhappy marriage, then he/she should be brave enough to leave the marriage. Only cowards and people with no ethics resort to an affair.
     
    Jazmine83, Jun 24, 2015
    Jazmine83, Jun 24, 2015
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  10. Jun 25, 2015 #10
    Dipsy19

    Dipsy19 Senior IL'ite

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    Affairs are not accident, its a conscious decision to cheat. It is something which is directly related to ones upbringing.
     
    Dipsy19, Jun 25, 2015
    Dipsy19, Jun 25, 2015
    #10
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