previous affairs before marriage?

anika987 · Dec 22, 2014

My friend's sister is getting married.she is 24 and the boy she is getting married to is my dh's relative.personally,I do not know the guy but he is well settled and pleasant. This guy had confessed to his fiancee about some one night stands he has had with his girl friends.This girl who really is fascinated by the guy is taken aback.she is a very homely,simple girl and does not understand or broad minded enough to let things go.the guy it seems has told that he will be good after marriage but those girls he had sex with are his friends and will remain the same.As much as one can appreciate how truthful he is,it is very tough for the girl to accept the fact.wedding is also fixed and the date is close.the boy and girl really seem to like each other but this truth is too hard on the gal.she is very much depressed.My friend wants me to confirm that the boy will be good after marriage by talking to him.how can I do that????what should the girl do?

perfundo · Dec 22, 2014

I don't know what I can really suggest, but I can definitely tell you one thing.

you should neither commit or not commit, what will a guy do in future. all you should do is, get the guy and girl talk as much as they want to, help them to have more time to make decisions. Their life, they should decide.

One night stands isn't a yardstick to measure anyone, absolutely so when he/she is a bachelor. that said, personally, I find the concept of one night stand a bit unflattering.

KashmirFlower · Dec 22, 2014

but those girls he had sex with are his[COLOR=#009900 !important]friends and[/COLOR] will remain the same.
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If he really wants his marriage to work, he shouldn't keep contacts with those friends anymore, but can is it possible to avoid them, as they will have some more common friends, they will come to face to face in some functions/events.

if guy really wants he can do it.

Ragini25 · Dec 22, 2014

Red flags! she better be careful, I think "trouble ahead"! My humble suggestion - call off the wedding, cancel it. But since she is "fascinated" by him, what's gonna happen is she will marry him and then post her tears in IL a year or two later. She wont take the good advice to call it off now itself, destiny will take its course.

yellowmango · Dec 22, 2014

Reg flag...one night stands .
Red Flag2...continuing friendship with these girls and expecting his wife to be okay with it?
This guy will throw this in her face if she has problems later...."I told you before marriage".

This guy is one of those hypocrites who wants to sleep around with women but wants his wife to be simple untouched flower.To top it ,this guy has the audacity to expect her to accept the girls in his life as his friends.

Don't be taken in by his truthfulness.....he is just making excuses for the **** he expects her to bear with later on in life.

The girl should ask him if he would be okay if she had casual sex before marriage and continued being friends with the guys she had it with.

If this is an arranged match....she should let her parents know and cancel the marriage.

anika987 · Dec 22, 2014

a true fact..your answer!

which is what I am afraid of!! however,from what I have seen of him..he is very charming and pleasant.dh however says not to interfere much.

anika987 · Dec 22, 2014

like ragini said..she is young and naive..i hope she clears things by talking to him.asked dh to talk to that guy and help the girl out..dh is asking me to not interfere(

yellowmango · Dec 22, 2014

anika987 said: ↑

like ragini said..she is young and naive..i hope she clears things by talking to him.asked dh to talk to that guy and help the girl out..dh is asking me to not interfere(
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Your dh is right.Let her ask him and sort it out . ....or get her family involved.

yellowmango · Dec 22, 2014

anika987 said: ↑

a true fact..your answer!

which is what I am afraid of!! however,from what I have seen of him..he is very charming and pleasant.dh however says not to interfere much.
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He has to be charming.Girls don't have one night stands with just anyone.

Weasly · Dec 22, 2014

I agree with what others have stated!! Fascination and all will go after a while what will stay is doubt and depression after the honeymoon period is over ! Firstly one night stands are risky and then staying friends with them is North Korea risky !! I would not suggest her to go ahead with this alliance!