why husband dont help their wives when they are sick??

The husband here may be clueless as to what is going on. Many husbands would not be able to find out the simple thing that their wives are upset from the woman's body language. She has suffered pain while washing utensils but has not conveyed the same to her husband. If she had conveyed to him in clear words, "Look, I am feeling severe pain in back and body. I am not able to wash the utensils. If you can come to kitchen and just share my works, I will be feeling greatly relieved". Probably, her clueless husband might have understood.

we, women, assume that our husbands are 'sensitive' enough to understand what is going on. But that is not the case often. A vocal demand for help by her to him, might have made him helped her.

 

Swethasri, this is so common in every house!

Guys dont automatically learn to care for sick - we have to tell them clearly - stay at home, do this, this and this, I am sick please help me etc?!!

Among the works that is assigned also, they will do only what THEY consider most important!

If you tell them to go out and get some medicines or order pizza for kids, it is easier for them than getting water and tablet and spreading jam on bread and if a neighbour/friend lady drops by to visit the sick lady, they will happily handover the responsibility to them

I am not making excuses for your friend's DH, he could have at least stayed home and watched the kids!! I'm just stating facts !
And wifey shouldnt worry about her DH's lunch when she is sick - he is adult enough to eat something if he wants!! I dont know why we women (me and many of my friends included) feel so guilty that DH didnt have lunch when he is not even prepared to spread jam on bread for the kids when we're sick!!!

A different issue I see here is that your friend mentioned no intimacy for a week and then fell sick and DH says - " you're acting "!!! So - maybe your friend's
DH thinks that she dislikes him ??? Then they needs to work on his self-esteem and trust issues and other communication !!!

 

Agree with hrastro.....

OP....a lot of men have no idea about the functioning of the female body.Specially if they don't have sisters who are open with them.

When I got married,I took pills the first month and because of that my periods became irregular for a few months.We were going out shopping for vegetables when I told my husband...We need to go back because I think I am going to have my periods and his reaction was"Can't you control for some time?" and when I said no....he said ok and turned the bike around.He had no idea that it wasn't controllable. He would not understand what bloating or the discomfort of period means....He was absolutely clueless.

What worked was...telling him."can you get me a hot water bottle? Can you hug me tightly?Just massage my back for a while"
They need direct instructions.

Secondly.....they are not natural 'care givers'....because they have neither been expected to or taught to.

When my husband is sick...he hates being fussed over.Just let him sleep is what he wants.So when I was sick...he would also let me alone to sleep.
Initially I felt he was insensitive. But about 4-5 years into marriage...I managed to let him know that end less cups of tea and hugs help me get better . He still doesn't believe tea helps ...but he makes it for me anyways.But he has learnt the magic of jaddu ki jhappi. My daughters are the biggest beneficiaries for this.

So tell your friend to not think like a woman ...think for him.Let him know what she wants...he will over a period of time get it.

 

Hey Op,

I think to some extent we are ourselves responsible for this behavior of dhs!! When we get married we never entrust our husband with anything ! Like my mom she never lets dad do any household duty, which is okay to some extent because when mom falls sick he helps out. But my mom dsnt like, and now dad is out of practise! I think right from marriage we should ask our dh to help out, even when we are well, they should share the duty of household activities. Maybe then they will not feel out of place when they have to suddenly take over when we fall sick ! JMO

 

If you tell them to go out and get some medicines or order pizza for kids, it is easier for them than getting water and tablet and spreading jam on bread and if a neighbour/friend lady drops by to visit the sick lady, they will happily handover the responsibility to them

this is a well said point by hrastro. When am not well if I ask my DH will you clear the dining table and clean the utensils or will you go and put the garbage bag outside in the trash his immediate reply will be he will go and throw the garbage. He knows by the time he comes I would have done all my cleaning. So I have stopped giving him choices nw. Straight away ask DH can u do this as am not feeling well.this way it works also. Even though the work won't be done immediately but will do it later on.

And wifey shouldnt worry about her DH's lunch when she is sick - he is adult enough to eat something if he wants!! I dont know why we women (me and many of my friends included) feel so guilty that DH didnt have lunch when he is not even prepared to spread jam on bread for the kids when we're sick!!!

If wife is very much sick she shouldn't worry abt the lunch ,dinner etc for DH and kids ( unless the kids are too small). Once the kids are hungry no one can can handle them . So DH will find one way or another to arrange food for himself and kids .

But ur friends husband must have stayed at home just to make her feel better.

 

Well said , hrastro ! :exactly:

 

:yes:

But, some men, will never get the point, even after decades !

 

OP....THis little episode reminds me of one we had in our first year of marriage.(because of the tears involved)
Our first trip to in laws together .I had a cold and severe inflamed tonsils which gave me fever. At night mil told husband to sleep in the other bedroom or he will catch whatever I had.My husband is not a mommas boy ...but he went and slept in the other room.I am guessing he didn't think much...or thought what his mom said made sense.

What followed was this.

I cried...
no response from the other room.
I sobbed a little louder...
still no response.
At about midnight....I walked into his room and shook him.
YM:I am crying.
YMCLH(YM'sclueless husband):What happened?
YM:Sob SOb SOB (as in sobbing... :notthatway:not the other SOB)
YMCLH:What happened ?
YM:Nothing...
YMCLH::shock:
YM:Next time you are sick...I will also sleep in the other room.sob
YMCLH:Okay
YM...stamp my feet and walk of to bed sobbing.

YMCLH:follows.....what happened.
YM:I hate you.
YMCLH::shock:
YM:can't you just hug me and sleep.
YMCLH:OK ...no problem.Hugs and we sleep
...............................................................................................
Next day morning.
MIL::spinbdbdbdbdbdbd
YMTo YMCLH: Get me some ginger tea no.
YMCLH:Okay no problem.
YM:kiss


Lesson learnt
YM...cut the drama.Get to the point...your husband doesn't appreciate the Arts.
YMCLH.....hugs and tea will make a hysterical YM feel better.

Some people need to be told.

Tell your friend...next time she is unwell just ask him to make maggi noodles for everyone.Then say....thanks sweety,you are the best....then go and rest.He will make maggi for everyone(if he is not a jerk)