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Husband cheated me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014.

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  1. Dec 11, 2014 #1
    priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,


    I had started trusting my DH.however when i had been to mumbai for 4 days for office work, my husband one evening was will that female collegue in our car on 1st dec. later on 2nd dec they discussed that all this is not right etc.

    yday i had met them both in afternoon as they are in my same company. they were talking nicely came for lunch and walk with me. she was always coming in between us.
    my husband nor her avoided eachother. that time i was not aware of all this and came to know in evening.

    I got to see some whatsapp messages from them whenre the girl was mentioning..on 3rd dec.
    " I am not sure when we became so close. when you touched me , drew hands through my[COLOR=#009900 !important]hair[/COLOR],almost kissed me on my cheeks , gave hand in your hand "
    then she wrote after all this also i am ready to come to your home and meet.
    my husband said no and she did not come.


    i got to know yday when i saw the whatsapp pings.
    and i did ask him what is all this. he tried explaining it was only for a moment and so..there was no fellings for her . she also realised its wrong and we stopped etc. noithing happened beyond the above points.I told him that inspite of me giving warning not to [COLOR=#009900 !important]talk much[/COLOR] with her you kept talking and saying she is close friend etc.From 4th my husband has tried no conatcts on phone except one call .she keeps calling when r u leavingf for office etc.. but he still goes with her for lunch and tea breaks.

    i told that girls's husband as well all the things. his husband said he kenw abt it on 6th dec or so and he is trusting that nothing happened.
    inspite of all the messages and their confessions.. i asked them to come home and then said in front of both . she was saying my husband initiated and he said it was 2 ways. etc.
    i have told my parents and my parents called and blasted his.he confessed all to his mom and she also shouted at him on phone.
    I cannot stay with husband after all this. It is affecting me a lot mentally. i cant concentrate on work. I aksed him to take a separate home and stay as i cant bear his face in front of me .


    am i reacting more? what should i do now?I am thinking of divorce but have 3 yr old whose[COLOR=#009900 !important]life will[/COLOR] be affected.
     
    priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014
    priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014
    #1
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  2. Dec 11, 2014 #2
    Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Obviously you should divorce him....u t hinking of ur daughter's life...its no good right now also...and what will she go through once she will grow to teenage that her dad is of this type....

    today it was some sort of touching tomorrow it can be more than that...its on u if you wanna wait for that? At any cost one cannot tolerate this....Bring full stop...thats all
     
    Hyral, Dec 11, 2014
    Hyral, Dec 11, 2014
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  3. Dec 11, 2014 #3
    jaden

    jaden Gold IL'ite

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    Your husband should be given a serious warning.This lady has to be cut off from his life forever.Let your husband decide to change his department,or better his company.He should know that he wont be forgiven so easily for the mistake he has done.Be very firm and assertive.Tell him if he doesnt take these steps you are filing for a divorce.Even if he does change the job,do tell him that he need to build the trust again,as you cannot trust him now like before
     
    jaden, Dec 11, 2014
    jaden, Dec 11, 2014
    #3
  4. Dec 11, 2014 #4
    Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Before divorce... you both try to go to a spiritual leader like a priest in your religion... ask ur or his parents to get an appointment with a religious leader... get some councelling ... if still things are worse... walk out... give a try with the coucelling before taking the last step.
     
    Rise, Dec 11, 2014
    Rise, Dec 11, 2014
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  5. Dec 11, 2014 #5
    priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    So you mean I should try to stay with him ?
    My mom was opinion even if i divorce , its difficult to live alone so you will have to get married again. if i have some desires remaining to be satisfied in marriage then i should go for second mariage.
    I am not sure if I can marry second time. I have had enough for 6 years .
    my son wont have a father figure at home.

    i talked to one of my male friends and he mentioned it difficult to resist as a man if a girl encourages and comes near. he said 120% the man wont stop in case girl is ready to come near. he may not go to extreme i.e sex. man just lives in a moment and he does not think much abt that. the same has happened with my that male firend and he regrets. although his wife is not aware.

    even my husband did say no for that girl to come home.
    husband is trying to explain a lot that he is regretting. it was a moment and they stopped in seconds. today also in office my husband did not go with her for lunch / tea. rather he did not have anything.
    I was monitoring him a lot today.

    that girl is going to US with her husband in start of JAN . So atleast after JAN there is no worry from that girl. I am sure now my husband has goit afraid as i told his parents as well and asked him to stay seperate till I decide my next things.
    however he is not seperating and staying with me still.

    do you really feel all men are like that? like my male friend said?
    is it that for sake of my son I should live with husband ?
    what if i divorce and my second marriage is more mess? my male frined said its no guarantee that next one will control if such situation of girl approaching man arises. he says only 1 in 100 men will resist and not go with flow.
    although he says they will realise soon and stop it like he did or my husband is doing now.
     
    priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014
    priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014
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    1 person likes this.
  6. Dec 11, 2014 #6
    confusedwoman

    confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    This is rationalizing, no one knows how your husband will react in the future if faced with same situation or how a future husband will react. The problem being there is no shortage of women available for such trysts ( women who do such for ego boost or time pass or financial gain).

    Did you give enough of a pain to your husband for this transgression? if not go up on the pain threshold. Inform their colleagues & friends too. But after that if you decide to continue in the marriage, you have to trust him
     
    confusedwoman, Dec 11, 2014
    confusedwoman, Dec 11, 2014
    #6
  7. Dec 11, 2014 #7
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry that you are going through this and have to make such decisions and there is a child also in the picture.

    While you evaluate your feelings, emotions and options, do you have to tell about it to so many people? His parents, your parents, that woman's husband, your male friend? Does it help to get inputs from so many people? If yes, fine. If not, cut down talking about it with so many people, and discuss it only with those whose opinion you respect and value.
     
    Rihana, Dec 11, 2014
    Rihana, Dec 11, 2014
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    10 people like this.
  8. Dec 12, 2014 #8
    bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    Avoiding such temptation isdifficult for men, remember Meneka-Vishwamitra episode. Your hubby had enoughof bashing. Now you say he is regretting it. As rightly point out even you havediscussed with your male friend & god knows with how many people he willdiscuss. You have already damaged his reputation, I really don’t know how hewill cop up with situation. I am not defending him who broke your trust but youtoo have handled it immaturely.
     
    bulesha, Dec 12, 2014
    bulesha, Dec 12, 2014
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  9. Dec 12, 2014 #9
    priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    my male friend wont tell anyone for sure. he told me his secret as well who he has not shared with anyone. I have not told anyone else apart from our parents.
    the girls husband i believe needed to know and hence him.
    i do not worry and trust my male friend. so i dont think it was wrong.

    I did not inform his firends / collegues. no point in humiliating them so much as per me.
    however still he keeps telling me that it was moment etc and he regrets.he is crying in front of me , asking me to hit him and show all anger. he hit himself today twice.
    all this is emotional blackmail for me.

    i feel giving a chance may work but what if not? will i ever be able to trust him?when i told i cannot trust he is aksing me what he should do to win back trust etc
    really confused now..
     
    priyanka12345, Dec 12, 2014
    priyanka12345, Dec 12, 2014
    #9
  10. Dec 12, 2014 #10
    peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    I think what you need at this point is to go to a professional counselor and talk out your issues. I don't agree with your male friend that men are usually like that! What are they.... little babies who go around accepting candy from whoever will give it to them?

    Your husband may genuinely be regretting what he did, and it may have indeed been a momentary indiscretion. But building trust once lost is quite a long process, and you need an objective 3rd party voice to sort these issues out for you. Neither of your parents are capable of giving you such objective advice.
     
    peartree, Dec 12, 2014
    peartree, Dec 12, 2014
    #10
    4 people like this.
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