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Cheating huband .... suggestion needed ....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pooja16, Nov 26, 2014.

  1. pooja16

    pooja16 New IL'ite

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    Sorry for the long post ...

    Im a silent viewer of this forum. But situation nw pushes me to post a thread here today.


    I got married on 2012 .Before marriage itself my hubby's mom dislike me becoz his son was started falling for me fully. So she tactfully stopped engaegement one day before engagement. So we just left tat proposal becoz they can do anything after marriage ... But after few months again my hubby started messaging me tat he cant forget me and he never thought our engagement wil stop just like tat and bla bla bla .. I falled for his speech and asked him to have a talk with my mom (my dad s expired) by bringing his family too.... He brought his mom only to talk again with my mom .. His dad s a dummy piece there ... We all met in a temple and again our engagement s fixed and marriage went well ..... I got conceived very soon aftr my marriage ... Again his mom started creating fights in between us .. becoz he was a mumma's boy b4 marriage .. so she cant tolerate when sum1 occupied her space with his son ... Aftr 6 months , she made her son to beat me physically and made issue very bigger ... She alwys interfears husband and wife talks....

    I got beated by my hubby very badly whn i was conceiving my baby (6 mnths) ... he broke my specs , mobile,ear ring etc etc., ... He and his mom made verbal abuse too .... i called up my parents and they took me to my house.. latr i gave police compliant .. but filed FIR and all ... later he found a separate house for us and took me there .... After a month i came to my mom's place for delivery ... i stayed there abt 6 months ... aftr tat 1 yr i lived in a separate house happily till a girl entered into my life..i mean i started to have a very bad time from this yr april ... i alwys used to visit my mom's place once in a month ie)4 days .... In april month, a chirstian girl joined newly to his team tat time i hav gone to my mom place... this week my hubby was insistinng me to stay more days ... so i stayed there a week.... in a week, they both fallen in love with each other.. my hubby started txting me like "he hates this life with me.. u stay there at ur mom place itself" like tat ... my hubby wont use internet often ..but in this whole i seen him online fully in WATSAPP ... He added a girl in FB ... So i guessed something fishy happened ...i started immediately from my mom place and informed her mom everything ....

    Whn his mom asks him, he simple said she s like sister to him.... Later his activities became too worse.. he started spending more time at office ..He secured his mobile with many locks .... but he got caught many times ... but he used to lie all the time... like she is loving him oneside ... she s 10 yrs younger to me.. how wil i marry her , she s threatening him she ll do suicide like tat ...once he brought tat gal to our house whn i gone out too ... Fights Fights Fights in b/w us ... Latr one day whn he sleep , i took his mobile and checked his mobile.. he long back moved to hike messanger and they both were talking like a husband and wife... tat time he accepted that they both love each other... i asked him to stop everything becoz i many times informed his parents .. but they were enjoying this situation and they wanted to send me out by using this situation...

    whn i ask him to stop everything, he was simply told like she ll commit suicide if he stops loving her ... i told him firmly tat ill commit suicide with baby if he continues to have illegal relationship with her ... Or else ill go to police station if he continues ... Mean while i asked tat gal to stop everything ... but she was lieing lik im suspecting their realtionship.. there was nothing like tat ..... He said he will stop everything .. but he didnt.. i dunno wat to do after tat ... i brought my family to talk abt this issue with his parents and with him .... he openly admitted tat he s in love with her past 6 months ... but he said becoz of me he went in a wrong way like tat ... he n his mom criticized tat im nt keeping house cleanly ... im nt taking care of baby and im nt cooking well .... my hubby told to all tat he lost his happiness becoz of me and he asked my parents to take me with them ....But the truth s my hubby s a lazy goose .. he never do any work at home... we r in 2nd floor .... i used to go grocery shop, market etc ., etc., .... he never even keep baby till i complete my job at home .... but they both criticized me... but my parents somehow convinced them and made me stay there ....

    During this september month, he n his mom again accused me having affair with a guy and beated like a street dog by closing main door... by hearing my sound, neighbours came to rescue me... but they didnt open the door.. i opened a window and shouted to help me. later people saved me from them. again my parents came and took me to my place at midnight 2 am .... i was injured well because he beated me well on my head and face.. both my ears started not hearing properly.. so they took me without asking them anything.. later after a week we again went their house... but they didnt let us speak anything and send them out by saying they r going to divorce me .... i went to police station again and gave complaint on them .. first counciling gone... divorce papers reached my place.. during second counciling , he said he ll patch up with me and he ll take back divorce case... but he needs 2 months time to start living with me ... but nw he s running divorce case .... and he s nt willing to live with me anymore ... he s still loving tat girl too ... his parents also happy sending me to my mom place with my baby..

    I dunno how to handle this situation ..... i have a gal baby who s going to reach 2 yrs in december month ..... But he totally lost his love on her too .....

    i tried all ways to separate them... but all my plans went fail.... only option i have nw s divorce case .... He and his mom spoiled both of our life.. not even having guilt .... tat gal is also not understanding tat she has spoiled my and my baby's life...

    If i give divorce, he wil simply marry tat girl and start a new life... But i want to teach him a lesson.... Im going to give a counter petition like i dont need divorce becoz i hav baby .... So im planning to run a case till i can ..

    But im fearing tat wil he get divorce by using any loop holes... i just came to my house with my baby alone.... later he sent me my cloths n baby's cloths whn i asked those in station....

    I dunno how to run a case against him stronger... i dunno how to prevent me by not giving divorce .....
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you want this abusive cheating jerk in your life?
    What are you going to achieve by preventing him from marrying that girl? Does it make your life any better? Does it make your daughter's life better?
    You can prolong the divorce...then what? You would have lost half your life fighting a guy who is not worth fighting for.

    I would advise you to collect the evidence of abuse and use it to get a deserving settlement for you and your daughter.
    Get your self a good lawyer...use the abuse and beating you got to fight from a position of strength.Use his cheating on you as evidence of adultery. Negotiate a big lump sum alimony and a good child support for your daughter.That will be the best revenge on him.

    Let him marry that girl. That will be the best revenge on her.Let her deal with the wife beater,cheating man with a monster mother in law.
    You got away...you got freedom. You won...she lost.Celebrate it dear...there is nothing there for you or your daughter...unless you like getting beaten and cheated on.

    Best wishes op.....Try to look at the silver lining in the cloud. Try to look at that girl and the affair as your Saviour...or you would have probably gone from one beating to another. The same would be the fate of your daughter that he doesn't value .

    A big hug to you.hugsmiley

    P.S...Work on getting financial independence.
     
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  3. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Ym has already said what I wanted to say.What preventing you from leaving him is feeling of insecurity.Let go your insecurity girl.There is nothing in this marriage.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...if the thought of him marrying again is breaking your heart....then there are better ways to deal with it.

    Once your divorce formalities are though.....do this.
    Go to the girl's place with your daughter.....bring some tears in your eyes and say"Thank you sister...for saving me and my daughter.You have no idea how you have saved our lives.....baby ,give this aunty a big kissy...she saved you life darling....here ,these flowers are for you.Best of luck sister!!! "

    Then go get yourself and your daughter a treat!!!
     
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  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    ++++++++++++++ Yellowmango. Why do you need this A*hole? He has abused you physically and emotionally and yet you want to teach him a lesson by sacrificing your happiness?
    I would say take the divorce and start a new life. You and your baby deserve much much more than this. Think of the baby and dont live with this abusive cheater. And I loved the suggestion of YM of going to the girl after divorce and thanking her :)
     
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  6. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Do not try to make a revenge by making the divorce difficult. Negotiate a fair deal and move on.
     
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  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am suspicious this is a troll. EG: says mother is widow then says parents came and got her. Hmmmm. All this action in 2-3 years. Hmmmm.
     
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  8. dewdropp

    dewdropp Senior IL'ite

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    The more time you stay in this kind of abusive relationship....then... more time will be required for healing your mental scars...

    Divorce. Heal. Remarry .

    Life is not be wasted in things like taking revenge .

    Move On.
     
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