This one is not for me! but for my friend

sweety127 · Nov 21, 2014

Hi ladies,

Today s my bestie's bday & I calld her up to wish her..She was ok sorts and suddenly started cribbing as to how she had a fight with her DH today. She even started crying & I really felt bad for her..

The reason for fight: He did not take her to buy her a bday dress inspite of she reminding him many times in the last one week to take her to the stores. She feels "as a wife cant i expect atleast this much..I never ask him any gifts etc & think twice before spending a penny (SAHM with 1 yr old)..For his bday I do everything to keep him happy, surprise him etc but why does he take me for granted..Is it because am his dependent and not working??"

Abt friend: Was working before marriage in a good firm & now is all alone doing house hold work, managing baby in foreign land.
About the couple: Arranged marriage of 4 yrs..DH is a nice man & got her gifts, surprises earlier. Nowadays he is so busy that he doesnt have time to even talk to her it seems..no much intimacy too since pregnancy..

I suggested her to celebrate her Bday with the lil one instead of expecting from H.

But I really felt bad for her..They were a romantic lovey dovey couple & where has all the love gone..

Do men take women for granted if they become dependent on them? or
Is he being understood wrong?

KashmirFlower · Nov 21, 2014

However busy, he should have time to talk her atleast. At dinner time before sleep so much can be talked.
May be he is stressed, inforeign land , work wise.
She also stressed it seems by managing everything with a toddler

isit first time he did this?

In long run, dependency definitely gives negative affect, I feel.

SGBV · Nov 21, 2014

Birthdays, gifts, surprises are all depend on the family background where you have come from. Not every family celebrates their birthdays, leave alone the gifts.. Some dont even remember them.

That can not be a scale to weigh the love. Disappointments at the initial stage of any marriage, specially if the partner is from a different background is unavoidable. Here your friend's lonely state, and jobless nature add fuel to the fire.

However, lack of intimacy, that too for a level of sharing this with a friend is too much. They need to work this out first. Also your friend need to tackle the issue of her husband's busy work and other stress without being stressed. She can find some ways to bring him back to the mood if other things in their family is okay.

She needs some boost... Give her if you can

Metamorphic · Nov 21, 2014

sweety127 said: ↑

Is it because am his dependent and not working?
Click to expand...

Why should she feel guilty and low about depending on her H??

He is providing for the family financially and depending on her for home-making. She is home-making and depending on him financially. Both are doing their duties as wife and Husband and complementing each other by inter-dependance.

First, tell her not to see herself inferior to him just because she has no job and is not earning. She is doing her duty. He is doing his duty. Both are contributing in building the family.

There is no reason why anyone has has to take the other for granted.

Now coming to the lesser/no talks, being busy is never an excuse. Ask her to express her concerns to her H. Alternatively, for sometime, ignore that busy body and try to focus on herself, create her own world ....make friends, workout, nurture her talents, enjoy with kid etc., and be cheerful and happy leaving him wondering ....

Laks09 · Nov 22, 2014

I buy my own clothes and accessories. I go out with my girlfriends. Now, I have a tween. She is my favourite shopping buddy. Btw, I buy stuff and then tell DH, this is the purse you bought me, thank you very much! After DD, I got a friend to baby sit and just told my DH we were having my birthday date night. After the first three years, DH started buying me gifts. I still have to plan the baby sitter and dinner plans.
I haven't stopped buying me gifts, yet. I keep telling myself that it's my birthday and I need to treat myself! Ask your friend to make her day a big deal. Ask her to buy her cake, decorate the table, wear new clothes, buy a gift, wrap it, bring it out and thank her DH for the gift and open it with fanfare. If she tries to show him her ideal b'day celebration, he may follow suite.