Romance in Marriage

Khushi78 · Nov 20, 2014

Hi All,
I have been reading IL since quite some time now. There are lots of views, all different kinds so I though of starting this thread. It is routine subject and may have been discussed before, just wanted some new thoughts ideas to come up.
What is the place of Romance in a marriage? May it be love or arranged. Especially after some years in Marriage, how much space/time should the Husband and Wife devote to Romance. Marriage comes with lot of responsibilities like kids ILs, finance etc etc, but Romance keeps fading.How much does it contribute to the growth and strength of the relationship? I may here be trying too indicate a Seven year Itch which may come in marriages and make or break it. ILites, share you views on simple methods of rekindling /keeping up the romance in marriage. may b as simple as Good bye to the DH while he goes to office or as complex as a surprise solitaire for some anniversary. Share some good innovative new methods and ideas!!!!

Hyral · Nov 20, 2014

Excellent Topic...yup indeed with time it appears that love fades between couple...actually love remains intact but its new responsibilities that becomes priorities.

Am married for more than 3 yrs will be 4 soon in Jan. We dont have kids yet but yes like you said in ur post...

Earlier though we were newly wedded couple , being in joint family for 1.5 years we were not so cosy with eachother like while he leaves for office etc...

Now from past 2 yrs and more , we are living alone in Pune and every day my DH gives me Good Bye kiss and I give him hug it has become a routine...day we fight we dont do this and really miss our way of wishing...

Also, we dine together , am the one who reaches home late and he reaches home quiet early but he waits for me to have dinner .... while having dinner we talk and also watch TV of his choice....later he goes to room to watch/work his stuff on laptop I watch serials of my choice and later spend good time in room after a while...

so pt is giving space to eachother is impt and then coming back together is fun.

Khushi78 · Nov 21, 2014

Yes Hyral, Giving space and coming back tog is fun. Romance I feel should be valued by both. Its different than being intimate because intimacy contributes to the Physical being but Romance contributes to the mind and helps foster the relationship basically keeping it young.
Many people just have breakfast tog or tea together or even pray together and therefore being with the mate their romantic self is fulfilled.
As you said it appears that love fades away but it remains and other things take priority. Romance is like a mop that cleans away the daily dust on the relationship

equanimity · Nov 26, 2014

The intense 'Romantic Phase', full of butterflies in stomach period is short lived. It happens in the initial few months to one year of marriage.

But, a deep mutual affection, mutual liking, friendship filled with mutual respect, these things can be made permanent, can be sustained for decades and the whole life.

Ivanhoe · Nov 27, 2014

Good human relationship skills with your spouse is the most important thing in a marriage. And this characterestic must be an integral part of your personality. Romance, if it happens, is a bonus.

Ivanhoe · Nov 27, 2014

This is a good example for a good family life that can be the base for a romantic one!!!
"When I was a kid, my Mom cooked food for us.
One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day's work, Mom placed a plate of 'subzi' and extremely burnt roti in front of my Dad.
I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt roti.
But Dad just ate his roti and asked me how was my day at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologising to Dad for the burnt roti.
And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt roti."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy, good night & I asked him if he really liked his roti burnt. He wrapped me in his arms & said: "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired.
And besides... A burnt roti never hurts anyone but HARSH WORDS DO!"
"You know beta - life is full of imperfect things... & imperfect people...
I'M NOT THE BEST & AM HARDLY GOOD AT ANYTHING!
I forget birthdays & anniversaries just like everyone else.
What I've learnt over the years is :
To Accept Each Others Faults & Choose To Celebrate Relationships"
Life Is Too Short To Wake Up With Regrets!
Love the people who treat you right & have compassion for the ones who don't.
- A.P.J. Abdul kalam