What would YOU advice Her ??

1. not to pity herself no matter what.
2. seek alimony or something on that line.
3. try to find a job, it will help her get confidence, think on her own and make decision about her future life. financial independence helps in deciding what you want in life.
4. Kids will help reduce the emotional burden in shorter time, however if there are no kids, I would say volunteer with an NGO for teaching etc. keep yourself busy..no idle time.
5. Never stay locked inside home, step out in the sun (sunlight helps reduce anxiety and depression)

6. Very important, start Jogging/running/yoga/exercise, following this will help her take a correct decisions in points mentioned above..sound mind in a sound body.


Last but very importantly, Financial independence and security will clear all your doubts no matter what it is related to, work hard to achieve that. Once you have the confidence of sustaining yourself financially in the society, you will know what your true potential is... and what you truly want in life.

 

1.Accept the fact.

2. Have faith in God.

3. Its OK to cry over past, have fears about future. But do not dwell in it. It will weaken your strength and courage of the present. Live one day at a time.

4. Accept the way you are, the emotionally outbursts, the way you react to things, they way you have a negative outlook on every circumstance ..... remember, You are wounded and in the process of healing. Never be hard on yourself. No matter what others think of you. Try to be your bestest friend. BUT keep trying to gently handle yourself, handle your emotions.

5. Slowly start picking up yourself from the wreckage But One at a time. Start with picking up financially.

6. Take up a job no matter how small it is, whether relevant to your qualification or not but not compromising on your self esteem.

7. Once you settle in the job, Start being physically independant, learning to do your things on your own. for ex., like learning to drive etc.,

8. Try to make friends. Only girls. (for the reason that you are emotionally so much vulnerable). But do not share too many personals with any of them. Try being with people who do not judge. If you are thinking to remarry, do not be hasty to get into another relation. Most probably it is not about the person, but its all about being in a relationship which you may be loving.

9. Set personal goals w.r.t your kid like his well being/education/comforts etc., plan for them and work towards achieving those. There is so much satisfaction in achieving those, however small they are.

10. Set professional goals and try achieving them.

11. Do not compare yourself with others. No one will be having a rosy life as it appears to be. Its just that, Grass is greener the other side.

12. Being busy, is half healing emotionally and mentally. The rest, work on yourself with the hope that you will come to terms with your life some day. healing takes time. For you it may be little late. But YOU WILL HEAL.

13. All the above is just to get a foothold. There is so much life ahead for your kid and you. Facing the society and Parenting can be challenging. Be considerate to every need, desire, expression of the kid but not compromising on the discipline part. As for society, be firm and upfront and project yourself that 'You are OK'. gradually they will disappear into thin air.

14. Succeed (YOU WILL) and help other ladies who are around you suffering in bad & broken marriages. Helping others in need gives immense satisfaction and true meaning in living.


I know this is the hardest trial of life. Much strength and hugs to all who are in the situation explained in the Original post. I wish and pray that God will strengthen them

 

Nice Thread Rise! :thumbsup

I appreciate your desire to help.

 

Forgot to say this:

15. Eat well and stay healthy.

 

In such a scenario the person concerned should become mentally strong. She needs to build up her self confidence. If she is an Engg graduate she can try something where she can work at home( tuitions etc) till she gets a proper job. take up any short term courses to bring herself up to date.

Till she is financially independent she can try to get her husband to take care of the financial part(if that is possible) if kids are there then he can pay for their education(if he would in case of a divorce). if the husband is not alive then she can see if there is anybody in the family who will help her financially till she starts earning.

If she is planning to separate from her husband and not separated yet then I would suggest she looks for a job first then move out. Become financially independent first. If she is sure nobody in the family is going to support her then its better she is on her feet first.

 

You will be surprised to see what women are capable of...
My aunt was married to a monster who died early, she is all that you described above, but managed to find a job, educate her son, buy a home..

 

She needs to 'identify' that one strong reason for her to live...

For example, either to show husband what she is capable of or provide good life to kids , etc,etc...

Once she finds the goal....she will automatically find a way out whether she is shy or bold.