Please Help

priynkas · Oct 31, 2014

Hi Ladies, I could desperately use some help. My DH and I have been married for 20 years and have 2 kids (high schoolers). Life is great at home when it is just us four. However whenever we are out w/ his family at any gatherings or parties, my DH ignores me. DH comes from a large punjabi family and all his relatives live nearby. I would not have such a problem w/ this if I fit in with the other ladies in his family. I grew up in the states and they came from India after getting married. DH's sister's and sil's don't like me very much. How can I control the anger and hurt I feel each time he neglects me. Every time it is the same scenario, he doesn't acknowledge me at all, we get home and I am upset, he apolgizes and then a few weeks/months later repeat. Why does he act this way????

yellowmango · Oct 31, 2014

He behaves like that because he has been brought up to believe treating wife with love and respect in front of blood family and extended relatives will make him a Jorru ka ghulam(hen pecked).

Or

You both have been married for 20 years.A long time.....and he feels he no longer needs to reassure you of his commitment and love and hence leaves you to be yourself with his family.

DKI · Oct 31, 2014

I tend to think it is as YM has stated in her second scenario - that you guys have been married for 20 years.

If you go to any Indian gathering, it tends to be split into 2 - men and women. Both sets discuss different topics. All my life, when going to a party or a dinner, we would walk in together. Dad would go to where the men were sitting, and mom would go to where the women were. Kids would gather in another room.

Your husband is not ignoring you. After 20 years, you should have been able to find at least a couple of ladies you could relate to.

armummy · Oct 31, 2014

What should he do to make you feel not ignored , stick by your side the entire time.

He meets his people once in a while , so let him go enjoy his time with them . He is all of yours when you are home isn't it.

i guess the problem is you don't get along with his folks and get bored . Is there am option for you to not go to such parties ? You can befriend if there is new entrant in the family to keep yourself occupied. .

yellowmango · Oct 31, 2014

Op...I have alsobeen married for almost two decades. I don't expect my husband to be by my side at family gatherings ...but if it is a gathering where we know very few people or if it is the gathering of people from work or friends....then my husband does stay with or close to me.

priynkas · Nov 1, 2014

Thank you ladies for your help. Perhaps it is my own insecurity that makes me feel so hurt when this happens.

indubalram · Nov 1, 2014

Maybe you are showing too much of an Americanism in you when going to his family get to-gether parties. Thats the reason no one wants to be your friend. Just my guess. Try being more Indian or punjabi May be this will help.