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Caught up in tough situation..need help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ChristinaM, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. ChristinaM

    ChristinaM New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I have been in a relationship with a guy since 6 yrs and met each other in college. Somehow after we started dating he could not do well in studies and got year block (detained for a yr). He could not focus on studies after that and kept getting year blocks again n again. Meanwhile I finished graduation and after months of searching for job I finally got one and started working. Then I also did post graduation and I also found a job after that.
    But he left college and started with correspondence education. He still does not have a stable job. I have reached marriageable age and my parents are worried about my marriage. I have told them about this guy and also about his not-so-stable-career so far and they do not appreciate it obviously. He is trying very hard and is hard working and loves me very much. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. My parents obviously want me to get married to a well settled guy who is well to do n has a good job (so that I wont have to face financial crisis at all). I know that they are right but if I marry someone else I wont be happy at all.
    My parents only worry is his career and job. I am very worried and depressed. I cannot find a way out. Waiting for this guy is also causing a lot of trouble n pain n moving on is also difficult. Please help me.
     
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  2. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Shudnt it be 2 sided from ur bf too. What effort is he making so that he can get married to you asap. Be in such a position where your parents say go ahead.If he cant get somewhere by the time you finish your post grad and job that shud give you insight about his mindset. He is not serious or determined. Do you want to be his crutch forever. Be real. Whoever will marry him , will repent for the rest of her life. Don't be that. Love is a poor reason to marry him. Look into other proposals and be happy. Your parents are right. He is not worth it. Good Luck.
     
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  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont confuse familiarity or comfort level with love. You know him from long time but so far you did not have to deal with the consequences of his instability. Right now you are in cushy situation, living with parents who are totally supporting you and your needs. Try to imagine a situation where you have only this unreliable fellow to fall back on then only you will realize. What is the reason for his constant failures? Is he into drugs or some bad habit? And why are you so stuck on him? Try to find out the reasons for both of these so you can make an informed decision
     
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  4. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Education is not for all. Some do well in other areas. If you genuinely feel he gives his all, then consider having a future with him. Since you have a stable job, see if you can take major financial responsibility while he works on getting a firm foot in a career he deems suitable. Be his future.
     
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  5. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Your parents are doing exactly what anyone in their place would have done. They are absolutely right in their stand. Parents just want their children to do best in life. And love alone does not fill ones stomach or fulfils ones hunger or aspirations. Money is equally important. Imagine yourself in their shoes..you would have taken the same stand. Regarding your BF, I suggest you give him a ultimatum...he need to find a decent job for himself asap... or he tends to lose you. You need to be strong and firm in your stand otherwise beating around the bush wont do any good for you. Either things will work out in your favour or against. One firm outcome is certainly better than an uncertain future.

    All the best
     
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  6. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    The issue is your parents want him to settle. So can your BF start a business or some other gig where he starts earning money and can stand in his own feet?

    This way your parents would be more comfortable in getting you 2 married.
     
  7. ChristinaM

    ChristinaM New IL'ite

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    Hi thanks fr ur advice. As I mentioned before he is also trying hard to settle so that he can marry me. We both love each other very much. He wants to marry me as much as I want to marry him. So plz dont take him wrong.
     
  8. ChristinaM

    ChristinaM New IL'ite

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    Hi thank u fr ur advice. It was so that he did not want to do the course that he was doing..He wanted to do smtng else n his parents forced him to take the specific course. He is not into drugs or any other bad habit. He just could not focus on his studies and now that he wants to give me a good life, nothings in his hands.
     
  9. ChristinaM

    ChristinaM New IL'ite

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    thank u for ur advice. The thing is dt business usually requires a lot of capital and lot of time to flourish. But I will consider ur opinion.
     
  10. ChristinaM

    ChristinaM New IL'ite

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    thank u so much fr ur words.
     

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