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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sweety127, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    iam in H'splace for diwali..H is sick & I had been taking care of him. MIL left home the day I landed to her relative's place and is back.

    H's friend came home & MIL started shouting as to how her son has been tricked to marry me, used unparliamentary language about me and H was all silent..The friend and H tried telling her to keep quite but she did not..she was cursing me badly..H told me to go to room..am sitting in the room and they three are in hall..H has not yet come in ...I feel v ashamed as I have been abused in front of a stranger..How should I react? am blank..am v sad even H did nothing to comfort me..am sitting all alone

    He is already sick...What should I do now? Involve my parents? I am suffocated.
     
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  2. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Tell your DH you are v upset and going to your mom's place for few days and will return in next week or something. Tell DH that when he feels better and you are back, you two have to discuss his mom's behaviour and DH's non-support for you.

    then go and enjoy.
     
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  3. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Let your H know what exactly you wrote here and let him know you don't want to trick him anymore. And that you would like to know why you were not supported. If possible let him know you need a break. Go home, relax, if you can
     
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  4. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Tricked into marrying you?? Was he a toddler when he got married to you?? Express your dissatisfaction with MIL's behaviour to your husband... who else can take a call other than him?? If you voice your opinion, you may be termed loose mouth. Only he can speak to his mother and understand what's her exact issue with you.
     
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  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Stay calm for now. Take a deep breath. Dont react. It will only put you in the spot. Let the guy leave. Do not argue with your husband right now. Dont even think of talking to MIL. Act normal now. Tomorrow morning, after everything dies down - make sure that you let you husband know that it affected you a lot, you expected some support from him - but he dissapointed you. Dont bottle it up , but do not initiate a conversation about it right now when emotions are running high.
     
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  6. Kera

    Kera Gold IL'ite

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    This is an excellent suggestion. Please do not argue or bring it up. Talk to your husband later

    On side note, your husband is doing something to support you. He asked you to go to your room so he can talk to his mom. He also told your mom to be quiet. I don't know what more you expected from him at that point. You want him to walk in the bedroom with you & give you hugs/kiss while his mom is burning with anger in the hall way. He had to fight fire first before he can come comfort you. He can't be in 2 place at once​
     
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  7. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Please involve your parents immediately. If your parents house is near by. Go.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I think it is time you seriously rethink your future sweety.Your husband will not leave his abusive mother.There is no reason for her abuse other than the fact that she peurly hates you. There is no scope of change.

    Think if you can live like this because this is the future in this relationship with these two people.

    Think if you can be like this without regretting .Forget about your love or his so called love for you....there is no love without self respect.

    If you want to stay in this relationship...then you have to cut out this abusive person from your life completely.Shame on her for not even sparing you in front of stranger.

    Go to your parents place.
     
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  9. preethivignesh

    preethivignesh Gold IL'ite

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    Take some deep breathe. Dont leave any words, which your MIL may take as a reference in the future. Make your DH aware of your feelings. Go and cry in the bathroom till you feel free. Call your parents and talk. Tell your MIL the next day asking her not to abuse you in front of strangers.

    P.S: I have done exactly the same when I was in a similar situation.
     
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  10. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks all for your time and responses. I am back to my city.


    That day I forgot to mention she did not talk a single word to me directly and she was shouting more about H who has changed after marriage.. after I posted this thread I was just waiting for H and he did not turn up so I called him in and v calmly told I want to go home right now or I need to talk. He told he will send the friend and come in.
    I told I feel ashamed sitting like this & I will also come. I again went to the hall..sat with a confident smile and started talking with the friend. Lady left to the kitchen. This time she just did not open her mouth.. I then told sorry to the friend for what happened in MY home to him. lady insisted he have dinner he just ran away.
    Me & H went to the room..H told I already told you to ignore her completely and he is my best friend & knows everything & what you did is highly matured & with your silence ppl themselves would know who is what...I told this time with no tears firmly that I cant tolerate this & I want a solution. What would happen if she does the same in front of our relatives etc? I dont want any communication with her but she has to be quite.. I am also going to involve elders of both homes. His sis is coming in dec & he told I will get a solution that time. I was so angry & told for my looks & job so many guys were behind & you tricked me rather than me tricking you.

    We went to the hall to have dinner & lady after seeing him was like can I bring you hot water son..H in a angry tone asked her what her problem is & mind her business..Thats it..Hell broke loose..She abused him like he wont live a good life, he is behind a woman & what black magic I did, I am not your mom...blah blah..at the top of her voice..He told let it be & we again went to our room..She was shouting at the top of her voice and subsided after sometime..Then again we went out & H told to give him the food which I made & told no to hers..She again started & he told shut up till she closed her mouth..We ate & went back to sleep..
    H took me to parents house & I just informed parents of what happened in the right tone so that no one gets offended..My parents counselled H on what our priority should be. They also told they are ready to help himsort out issues in whatever ways possible. I clearly told that I cant tolerate this anymore to all three..H did not say anything but in dec I will get a solution. I fell sick and he was with me throughout in my mom's place & I came back.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2014
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