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Feeling leftover and ignored.. dont have mental peace

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pandu1, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. pandu1

    pandu1 Senior IL'ite

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    hi all,
    My husband is completely a momma's boy and he talks to her daily even he is really busy with work.. and dont have time to spend with wife and kid but he finds time to talk to them. When they are here (for 6 months) i feel like left over and always the first preference goes to his mom.. i can see the happiness in both of their faces when he is with her.. they talk a lot and make jokes on each other.. sit next to each other while i am sitting another sofa(let me clarify... i am sitting on couch my kid on 3 seater couch.. and in 2 seater his mom lies down...he was coming to sit .. and i would expect him to sit next to me in the 3 seater in empty space.. but he goes to his mom and move her little bit and try to fit there.. they will get adjusted) ... i dont think this is bad if it is only one incident.. in every case they want to spend time together... while i am left alone .. i dont see the happiness in his face while he is with me .. i dont understand that... .

    Whenever she comes to our bed room.. he would ask her to sit there for some time and chat with him when i am there also... one day i wanted to take bath in master bed room and he asked his mom to stay in the bed room... when i said i need to take bath as we dont have seperate door to the bathroom from bedroom...it is visible.. still she was sitting in the room (next to the wall so that she cant see me though) but i did not like somebody is there in my bedroom along with my hubby while i am taking bath.. there was no need for her to stay there..she could have gone to her room... but again they want to spend time together in our BEDROOM ALSO....... these r just small examples. it happens like dozens everyday.. i am feeling like why a man would attract to his mom instead of his wife..

    whenever i talk about this to him.. he shouts a lot and now we r not talking to each other.. i feel really really sad when he is moving very closely with her while i dont have anybody to share my feelings. i just want to go to my mom's place for few months and then when i said to him he said its your wish you can go anytime and anydays i dont care.. he doesn't even care if i am coming back or not... i want to go and take some rest at my moms place but because of job responsibilities i am not deciding yet.. and that too when they are here how could i go to India...

    In everyday .. every small topic even if it office related things he shares it to his mom.. i dont know how to handle thi
     
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  2. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

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    I go through the same thing when my MIL visits and I am left like an outsider. Actually my recent post was about the same thing. It's always about her and him when she visits. And now she will be with us permanently. Please God give me some patience.
     
  3. Alildream

    Alildream Gold IL'ite

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    Op,
    you are not living with your mil and you have to tolerate her for 6 months only...I agree it must be annoying when your dh behaves like that but it is ok! Just think he is extra attached to his mom and drop it. If u confront him, he will be annoyed! Some kids are attached to their mom well into adulthood! Don't compete with your mil for your husband's attention rather make a special place for yourself and fortify it!
    Why don't you go sit with your mil before your husband comes? Strike a friendship with your mil, tell her stuff about ur office, invite her to your room and offer her tea too, gossip with her (call it female bonding) etc...this way your dh will appreciate your efforts and since you are taking efforts to grow close to your mil he may keep a distance from mil to allow you to spend more time with her! ;)
     
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  4. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Think of people who endure this permanently in all-year cases. Be calm till her trip ends and she'll be gone.
     
  5. ilovesai

    ilovesai Silver IL'ite

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    The solution is very simple.. Just ignore him. Don't pay attention and treat him as somebody else's son..Enjoy your life doing things you like rather than wasting time watching them all the time.. The more you are hurt, the more he is going to get close to his mom..

    For few days, try to ignore them and do your stuff..
     
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  6. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Op

    How is your husband otherwise? If his behavior is good with you when is mother is not around then may be you try to tolerate his mother for the 6 months when she stays with you.
    But at the same time tell him politely that you also need some private time with him.
    Ask him to take some time out for you as well. Be good to his mom when he is around.
    If your hubby's behavior is not up to the mark with you when his mom is not around, then you really need to have a heart to heart conversation with your hubby.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    6 months is a long time to bear this in your own house. I feel sorry for you. No wonder you feel like going to your mom's house.

    You say 'when they are here', does that mean FIL is also in the picture?

    Regular strategies of 'ignore' etc are not going to work. How about some shock strategy or something to match their actions? For example:

    When this happens, you show concern and tell them to shift to 3 seater and you will move to 2 seater with son. As they are about to sit down on 3 seater, you slip in and sit between them. Or put your son between them, or pretend you left something there and go look for it.

    Could you be wearing a deep neck top and bend a little as you look (and look, and look) for it?

    And accidentally fall into husband's lap as you look for the lost item?

    Or go stand behind the sofa near your husband, and casually stroke his hair as you sweetly ask MIL what she would like for dinner?
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When not able to go to the toilet for 6 hours and hopping on one foot trying to hold it in, thinking of those who haven't been able to go for 12 hours helps?
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...do you work?If so....consider these six months as time devoted to your career. Leave the house to mil....tell her to pamper her son with his favorite food and you get on with life totally ignoring your husband.If your husband objects to your lack of work at home...tell him you want to give maximum time to mom and son and don't want to be kabab mein haddi.

    If you are not working....use these six months to study,improve your qualifications,do new courses...anything to avoid spending time with them....specially your husband.Let him miss you .Act like a diva....not a love stricken wife.

    There is not much you can do if a husband prefers spending all his time with his mother.He doesn't miss you enough,he doesn't care for you enough....get a life without him and may be he will realize and get to feel what you are feeling.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    :rotfl:rotfl
    You should write for saas bahu serials Rihanna.:-D
     
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