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Missing DH

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sripree, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    It's been a while since I posted on IL. Today I feel very alone and sad. I try to distract myself by watching movies. DH and I have been married for just over 2 years and lived together for about 3.5 years now. Before meeting hubby, I was extremely independent. Before DH, I lived and worked in quite a few cities in different countries. My lifestyle was such that I only owned all of 25 kilos - the weight of all the possessions I owned. I was ready to pack-up and fly anytime.

    But in the last 2 years, we made London our home. I slowly started buying things for our little nest - something I never did before. Before living with DH, I hardly bought anything because it would upset my 25 kg rule.

    I made a home with my hubby. He is my best friend. Together, we cooked nutritious food, entertained friends, travelled all over Europe and laughed a lot. Yes, we've had our fair share of fights, crying and misunderstandings. But at the end of a cold winter's day, even after a bad fight, I could always snuggle up to him and I knew he was only at arm's reach. Next to me, in my bed.

    On Wednesday, my life turned upside down. My beloved DH left for Chennai. If things go as per our plan, he may never return to London again. DH quit his job and has gone back to Chennai to seek medical attention. He has slip disk. His doctor has said treatment could take anywhere between 3-6 months. It's an excruciatingly painful condition.

    Even after 6 months, he may not actually return. There aren't too many opportunities for DH's niche field here in the UK. He is thinking of going to the US to study after his treatment.

    If this happens, I will be in London all by myself for upto 2 years.

    Last night, I almost cried myself to sleep. His pillow is still next to me. I can still smell his scent on the pillow. When I walk the streets of London, all by myself, I can't bear the thought of absence.

    In the tiny grocery store in China Town that sells his favourite tender-coconut drink, I see him.
    In the bus-stop, where we took shelter from the once-past torrential rain, I see him. In the streets of Soho, where we could never find the sugar-free ice cream I craved so bad, I see him.
    In the left-over poha I made for him on his last day, I see him.
    In the almost-empty wardrobe, still stocking a stray pair of his old underwear, I see him.
    In the bathroom cabinet, in his old rusting shaving blade, I see him.
    In his unused bike, now standing idly, I see him. In his now ownerless yoga mat, I see him.

    In the tube station, I see him.
    In the grocery store, I see him.
    Under my duvet, outside the window, within my now empty walls, I see him, feel him and hear him.

    But alas, he isn't here anymore. He has gone away, to a far off land. A land not as cold and dreary as the one I am in.

    He has gone off in search of health and opportunity. Whilst I stay here working to fund our future dreams.

    I thought I'd never have to be alone again. But reality has dawned upon me. Single life is at my doorstep. Our beautiful central London home and garden is bereft without his presence. The space seems too massive for one person. Suddenly all this space seems to have no meaning. Suddenly, life itself, seems to have no meaning. Suddenly, the vegetables in my fridge seem to have lost meaning. The the utensils, the spices: they've all seem to have lost meaning. My little family of two is now just one - just me. No more elaborate meals, no more instagram food updates. No more lying in all day on a Saturday.

    Life as we knew will stall for the next 24 months. For Diwali, Christmas, his birthday, my birthday - he won't be here for any of those things. It's just skype now. It's a long-distance marriage now.

    I miss my hubby and just felt like sharing... Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. shinycalif

    shinycalif Silver IL'ite

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    :eek:mg::-( Thats so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your post filled me up with tears!!!!!!!! I have these kind of moments once in a while but most of its me who leaves my husband since i work in a different state and travel every month. But I can completely understand long distance marriages its hard and so painful. I am really sorry but please keep your hopes high. I am sure he will get back to a great health and get a great job or opportunity which he is looking for! Please meet up with your friends or if possible move in with some friends. Trust me right now its better to be with company else your sorrow will be more and you will sulk in it! Distraction is really important to keep you going in a foreign land! This phase will also pass and you will be through with flying colors!!!!!!! Take care of yourself!
     
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  3. pinky6

    pinky6 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi sripree why can't you visit him for couple of weeks? I really can understand you .....am also more emotionaly attached to my dh.....
     
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  4. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think you two need to start now in finding that niche job for him in UK when he returns in six months. From there if you want to go to USA, do it as a couple. Go see him in Chennai in 2-3 months. Since you are so bonded to each other, you need to not do the common long distance Indian marriage and don't get caught up in that thinking. Get creative in your thinking to make this not agony.
     
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  5. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Tashi delek, nice to meet you after long time! hope u are good. We tried already. Europe has v slow growth for his field of engineering. There are only 5-6 companies in total in EU that does his field of work. In the world world, there are about 20-25 companies only.

    So v difficult for him to stay here in London and find that job. We both know he is not going to get anything. This is why he has to study - to get an entry to USA.

    We went through all options before his departure. This is the only one that is practical. So, I have to go through this :(
     
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  6. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Pinky 6 - yes I can of course visit him in Chennai and even USA when he goes there eventually. He only left 2 days ago. I should take some more time before I visit him! Can't go off in just 2 days no?
     
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  7. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi sree...
    I can understand u..these are the passing clouds..
    try to console urself with the reality..
    y don't u try to change ur job to US after he goes thr
    Days run very fast..so divert urself. .
    Regards
    Bestmom
     
  8. Poonamk1

    Poonamk1 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I can understand you dear.. I can feel you.. hope your husband gets well soon and gets back sooner than you ever thought..
     
  9. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Bestmom and Poonamk1. I wish I could go to the US. My problem is work permit. I won't have work permit in the US. I have to try for transfer. He first has to cure his back and get admission there. Only then I can think of transfer or new job there. I really hate it that US does not give work permit!
     
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  10. Orchids1

    Orchids1 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sripree, I totally understand your situation. I have been there myself. If possible try to find yourself a job opportunity in the US if your husband moves to US. In the mean time find a good roommate. Having someone around really makes a huge difference.

    Take care.
     
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