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On the verge of a break down, please help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cheenu123, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    A little background about my home, 3 straight rooms, to reach room no 3 one has to pass through the living room, then my bedroom, then the 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] room (MIL’s room), then there is a lobby, kitchen, and restroom. The WIFI cable in my room and internet signals strong in my room only. Lack of privacy in our house, whenever someone visits, I make sure that between the living room and my bedroom, curtains are drawn however, if someone visits in my absence, MIL doesn’t bother about all this and says how does it matter if someone peeps into your room through the living room. I have had many arguments with her because when I am at work and visit home early, I would see her entertaining guests in my bedroom!! After a lot of struggle, I stopped this and have told her strictly that I can’t tolerate this nonsense. People will either sit in the living room or if you want, your room, never mine and things started improving a bit thereafter.
    Now for the past few days I am having a very hectic schedule at work due to closing so I would reach pretty late. Day before yesterday the moment I entered home, I saw a friend of MIL sitting in the living room. I spent a full 1.5 hours with her repeatedly because my MIL said my friend has come to see you, to meet you, she wants to spend time with you, etc. etc. and I was dead tired by the time she left.

    Now yesterday when I reached home, I was shocked to see a girl who is a neighbor, sitting on a chair, in my bedroom, with her legs spread on my bed!! I asked my MIL what's the matter why the hell she is there?? MIL told me that she has come to use your WIFI connection! On top of it, my MIL was serving her cold drink when I was trying hard to send her off! I had to act very blunt and told that girl to go into the living room as I had to change and I took pretty long to change the clothes. But that shameless girl again entered the room when I unbolted the door between my bedroom and the living room. Then I spent a lot of time in the washroom to show her clearly that I wouldn’t entertain her. After that I went outside the house into the verandah pretending that I was talking on the phone. I think the signals were enough for her and she finally left!

    Now when I entered the home I confronted my DH (who was yesterday working from home and was on a con call when that girl came and left. My DH was roaming with his hands free in the bedroom and living room while she was shamelessly surfing the net and my MIL was practicing the harmonium in the living room. My DH said why are you over reacting if she used the internet in our bedroom? What is the big deal? I was appalled by his cool reaction. I told him how would you react if some guy would sit like this in my bedroom at the pretext of using bloody internet? If it was so urgent can’t she go to a nearby café which is just a block away? I just can’t come home and tolerate nonsense. My DH just brushed away my reaction and said you are making a mountain of a mole hill and by that time, I got really pissed off. Looking at my reaction, my MIL again played a game of high BP. Whenever I have an issue with anything and have a tiff, she starts behaving like an attention seeker by pretending to faint and starts crying. I immediately rushed outside to call the doc, but my DH stopped me.
    I told my DH and MIL that I just can't stay in this suffocated environment where if I raise my voice over a pertinent issue, then MIL falls ill, I said if something happens to her because of me then I won't be able to take the blame and I am leaving for my parents right away.
    Having said that, I started packing while my DH plainly ignored all this and was attending to the MIL wholeheartedly. When MIL saw that I actually started packing she immediately came to my room and started crying please don’t go etc. etc.… I said no ever since I came I have been trying to bear with this nonsense of neighbors and relatives and instead of understanding and supporting me, you don’t take any action to guard your house and fall ill to change the subject.
    My MIL dint let me go to my parents and I am extremely depressed. My DH dint give two hoots to anything and continued working on his laptop.

    I feel highly depressed.
     
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  2. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    Is my problem too trivial for anyone of you to reply?
     
  3. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    No cheenu your problem is not trivial but I think you are expecting some more empathy from your DH which is not at all wrong. But its ok to let go of something and pick up your battles for your peace of mind..These guys never understand that we have left everything behind just to live with them in their house..Cant his family be a lil more accomodative to us? But on the contrary you would be told to ignore & adjust..uff:(

    When we pack our bags in anger all we expect is our DHs to come hold our hands, hug us tight and tell us to cool down. But your DH behaved in an unexpected way may be now he is used to this and he has his sick mom lying in the other room..Though he works on his PC deep inside he would be feeling bad..So chill..Just ignore him for time being he will come back..When he comes back in a polite firm manner let him know what you expect from him..

    Coming to MIL. Mine goes one step ahead of shouting, abusing and then fainting for no reason..She has BP depression etc etc so we have to bear with her abuses it seems..I am also afraid if something happens to her I would be blamed (But this would never happen. I would be the one to whom something is going to happen)Yours atleast cries & tells you not to go..Much better girl.But at the same time she has scored some more points with DH:( .So try to be cordial with her thats it..

    I think you are little bit stressed..Browse some good stuffs.. take a deep breath...Stop thinking about that mom son duo and do something which you like..Tc
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
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  4. aarna123

    aarna123 Bronze IL'ite

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    I feel u r very disturbed coz u hv lot of work in the off. And u want some relaxation after ur tight scedual which is not wrong.

    But no body understand u .
    Ur action turns to reaction and everything mess up.
    See we can't chance everything according to us sometimes we have to accept what we can't change.
    U just need to lighten ur mood.
    If listening music is ur hobby then listen ur favourite numbers while going offic. And return.
    Do not talk much or fight with anyone some days.

    If possible do meditation.
    If u get irretate with something just ignored.
    Do some days these things u will feel better and then handle everything calmly.
    Tell that u want some peace .
    Be the boss of ur house but not bossy.

    Take care
     
  5. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Cheenu,

    I can understand your problem.I think your house rail bogie.shakeheadIs it your own house or rental house.

    If possible change the house.Try and explain to house that you value your privacy.:notthatway:
     
  6. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    No I dont pack my bag always and pretend to leave...this is the first time that I did anything of that sorts because everytime I blow the whistle my MIL faints or shows that she has gone epileptic, I just cant take it anymore and it takes us months to channelize things annd withing minutes everything goes for a toss..iam suicidal
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    (Don't ever say that!!!) but feel free to say it in front of drama queen mil.Give her something to worry about...give her some competition...:coffee
     
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  8. sun1

    sun1 Senior IL'ite

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    hi ,
    sweety atleast you go to work.imagine people like me who are house wifes ,all the time she(mil )would control me ,no tv,no going out ,she will deliberatelly reach me cooking wrongly so that indirectly nagging can happen.it was a hell .which very lately dh understood and we came out seperately.she was a deppression patient which was adding fuel to fire
     
  9. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel its a cultural difference.In your martial home people are used to sharing everything with others.While you are uptight about your space,privacy.
    You need to loosen up little bit here.You can't change culture in house suddenly.Its going to be slow process.
    OP I am not blaming you and I feel this is the exact reason why married couples should stay independently.At new home lady. souls establish her own set of rules.Changing rules in old home is uphill battle.
     
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  10. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Cheenu, I think you need to give the stress back to them. First off, think of what makes your MIL irritated. Reason I am saying this is, she repeatedly is letting ppl in your room, which she knows is pushing your button. Try the opposite this time. Act coolly that you are over it. Let her know, that since she doesn't listen to you, you are letting her go. May be start using her room. Let her know you need privacy. Think on those lines. No need to be suicidal for such foolish folks. Its easily said but start by realizing what is upsetting you. Jot down. Now look at solutions. Consider spending an hour or more about in ur mil room, closed doors. She will vacate your room within no time.
     
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