Staying Away from the family and working, Does it worth it????

Every family is different and Dad's participation may vary. I am a good listener and my DH has zero patience. Over time, my son learned to talk to us on different things. Kids are very understanding and learn to adjust according to the family environment.

Economy places a major role. More and more women are willing to adjust to improve their family status. Of course, it is not like it used to be, women can manage/run the family by themselves.

 

My brother was staying away from his.newly wed wife for 3 years.Both sacrificed a.lot by now they have comfort and can enjoy life shopping travelling without worrying about.monthly expenses.
I think its a choice.

 

It depends on individual priorities and choice. Both family and having money is important.

If one choses family over money, then it wont be much late before the family starts cribbing about unsatisfied needs and wants and insecurities. If instead he/ she choses earning money over spending time with family, he might be able to buy all luxuries for himself but not family bonding. He/ she may be a winner on career front but a disaster on home front in maintaining close family ties

Its upto an individual to decide what he/she wants. And ofcouse, the immediate family to decide whether they are ok with it or not.

 

Yes its indeed difficult for a husband and wife to stay away from each other for a long time. Its mutual decision. For some money matters n so they agree to stay away. Like for my situation my dh had been awsy many avtimes for his business trips for a month, 3 months n more. I used to sometimes stay alone or witj my ils. I also used to count days and wait back for his return. But from last year I realised that both wife and husband needs space. I used to utilize this time meeting my friends and complete my pending work. Its fun sometimes abd both of them get a break from normal routine life.
But love n bond is always there ss you can be in touch with each other so easily with all the latest technology available.
Being together after long time increases your love and bond. You try to value each other more.
Missing always there. But its altogether a seperate experience been away.

 

I just posted a similar thread, or rather a rant yesterday; probably you read that too. While I have ranted out all the negatives, the responses that have come up to my rant made me think of the positives also.
First and foremost is financial security. We are able to put kids to good/ great schools, enjoy good vacations, get good gadgets, save for a retired life (we both work in IT with no pension options)... able to get all of these since he is abroad and I too have a well-paid job.
He is certainly quite sad that he is not able to see the younger one grow and doesnt get to spend a lot of time with the elder one too. But, it had been quite similar when he was working in India too since he used to come late from office on most days and by then the kid would have slept. At least now they spend quality time over weekends on Skype or Facetime.
And, to an extent, I have been able to bring out interference from my in-laws and this separation was an eye-opener to him on what I meant to him. So, tht's also a positive note.
I am a single child, since father passed away when I ws 8, I struggled a lot and took a lot of responsibilities while I grew up. So, I am quite independent by nature, and that has helped me to cope without him.

But, the separation truly hurts! This is the biggest negative... I still put up with this, because I have so many positives against this one negative. And, when I truly cannot bear is when I rant, like the ranting I did yesterday....

 

I dont know much when it comes to the dynamics of married couple with kids.

But for newly married ones like me its a roller coaster ride. We have our own ups & downs. I had been living alone for quite some years alone and though I do miss many things, I love my solitude. It gives me ample time for introspection and train my mind to think before reacting to any situation. I can be all myself without exposing my weakness to anybody even to my H & parents. If I feel like crying I can cry out loud. I neednt explain it to anybody. This period has made me value people, relationships, appreciate acts of kindness & love, practice empathy, express gratitude and be more compassionate. So the more I nurture myself with all these qualities the more my loved ones are getting attracted towards me . Most important I dont want to lose my identity after marriage. I am very passionate about my job. I am the one who is staying away.
At the same time I miss so many beautiful things & have felt terribly frustrated..Not able to live with my hubby, lie in his arms, get his kiss & cuddle, eat together, talk with him, laugh with him, go out with him as a couple, plan for future, meet my dear parents etc etc..Adding to it even our days of togetherness is full of drama..But still life is beautiful..

The more we miss each other the more mature we are in treating each other. Initial days of marriage are said to be difficult for a bride. In my case thankfully being away has done its own share of good to me.

It depends on individual thought process. If we can handle the separation for a year or two by being affirmative then its worth many things but if we are unable to and feel depressed and negative all times its better not to take any risk. Its ok to let go of certain pleasures to save ourselves and our relationship.