Hi all I am returning to this forum after a very long time. Thanks to everyone here who heard my problems and gave great advices. So far my life has been good I have no complains. I want to continue this peaceful life hence I am here to get some advice so that I don't end up ruining what I have. I have never been tactful in handling my in laws or my hubby . My hubby knows my outspoken nature so he handles me well. I have changed a lot during past couple of months to avoid hurting my in laws or my hubby with my bad mouth. There some things that bother me still but I don't want to ask my hubby as its money related. My in laws are not greedy people (as of yet because both of us are not fully earning) they are not the ones who says to give them all the money and they will handle expenses. Here is where I need help on how to handle situations? 1. We will be going to India for my sons ceremony there my husband said that he will like to bear the expenses as its our sons ceremony . Now I am afraid my PIL will go over board in which they would want us to give my SIL, BIL and their son, expensive stuff which I am totally against but I don't want to tell this to my DH as its his sister. 2. In India , should I just let my hubby take care of all the expenses with out knowing the amount and take my part of money that I want to spend on myself. I am afraid that if my DH will tell me how much he is spending on everyone I will get very upset. I don't know if this is a wrong behavior on my part?? 3. Currently my PIL are staying with us in US, they will be going back soon. However they are getting gifts for there relatives which I am paying for.. Everyday they ask my SIL son of what he wants , he has list of gifts that he wants from them and that too we will paying for. I don't know how to say that he doesn't need all those gifts? How is the best way to approach this without hurting there feelings?? Please help me get tactful here!!!!
You say that they are not greedy people and also nice in other ways and even deal with ur bad temper. Appreciate that u have been blessed with good in laws and keep them happy i would say. I would suggest let him spend and if it bothers u to the point whereby you will fight than ignorance will be bliss . As for them wanting to buy gifts for their grandchildren using their sons money cut them some slack keeping in mind grandparents love for grandchildren.just my two cents.
luc, An advice that you have heard plenty times in the past. Count your blessings, and just let it go.
OP, I d say that considering your in laws are good you should let this go and allow your DH to spend as much as he considers best and also give your in laws some slack about taking gifts for their grandson.
Its normal for people like us living abroad to pay for the gifts. Its just that ILs have to live in India and have to hear from the society as to what they got from US etc. So just let it go and pay it with full heart.
you should let your husband decide as long as you are sure your in laws are not greedy and good people. you just concentrate on your studies and getting a good job.
Welcome back luc, I remember you and DH both had anger management issues - I'm glad you're better at managing your relationship with husband and inlaws now!!! My suggestions is dont allow money to come between relationships!! Let your PILs buy what they want, and let your DH handle it, dont even bother to think about the prices. I seem to remember that your DH is not a doormat, so let him handle his parents and his finances. Reg YOUR son's ceremony - YOU and DH pay !!! If you both are studying, having a son itself was probably too soon for you!! And on top of that you want to go to India and spend on a ceremony for him - sit with your DH, plan a budget for the air travel and stay and leaves etc and see if it is workable Have a calm discussion and an open mind Else, go to a temple in US and do the ceremony ... Any religious function - There will be gifts etc to give - usually the norm is - for a child's ceremony you'll buy gifts for DH's sisters and the elders in the family (your parents, his parents, his aunts?). Then there is catering, function hall, pooja expenses! Stay and tickets! If you cant handle it financially - keep the function low key, have the ceremony at home and a party for members outside the immediate family - religious functions are much more expensive than a normal birthday/welcome party
Hi Luc, Penny wise, pound foolish As its your son's ceremony you and your DH are suppose to bear the expense. As you both are not earning , a proper planning is required. As Hrastro mentioned plan b4 hand everything so that you wont have to regret later and enjoy the function.:banana
