Pls help

klniha · Aug 30, 2014

Hi ladies,

I and my son went for a vacation to our homeland, India for 2 months. My husband is supposed to come 15 days before this vacation ends and we planned on visiting his native and go back home to US. So I would stay in my house for 1.5 months.
Last time I visited India, 2 yrs back, just me and son, not my husband, I visited my inlaws who stay in a diff State, then I and MIL ended up fighting, which disturbed me a lot and decided not to visit them without husband. This time, my husband is reaching early morning of the day and he decided to travel to him place next day, stay there for 12 days, return back home on day or may be previous day of travel to our house.

I feel bad that he didnt even plan on staying for a day at my house, just the day of his arrival. He has some work here as well and he chose to postpone it and leave early to his house. I am highly disappointed in this. I know my MIL wouldve trained him saying she misses are and want him immediately at their house. My husband's bro came for a week to India, stayed at inlaws house for 1.5day and came to him home with wife. His wife came for 3 weeks before that.

We fought a lot on this and I am depressed why he behaves this way and goes on saying, I have 12 days etc. It may be right that he wants to visit his parents but my MIL will feel happy he did not listen to me. I am truly disappointed.

yellowmango · Aug 30, 2014

Now you are being childish.Instead of enjoying your long visit with your child to your parents place...you are grudging his 2 weeks visit to his parents place.

Don't worry about his mom...her son is visiting her after 2 years...she has reason to be happy.I hope she is mature enough to enjoy his stay rather than think about you.

Just enjoy Op...not many women get to spend so much time with their parents with their children.You are lucky. Your husband also seems mature enough to not make a fuss about your and most importantly...your child staying at your place and avoiding ils place.He has recognized the friction and has accepted the solution.Now don't do anything to spoil it. Don't spoil your relationship by making petty complaints.

When he comes....welcome him with a smile.

Ragini25 · Aug 30, 2014

klniha,
Ever heard the phrase -we need to count the blessings?
Count it. Your DH and MIL could have done a whole lot of drama to prevent your 1.5 months at your home. They didnt, count the blessing.

Joyoflife · Aug 30, 2014

Do not fight over this. Let him be happy with his parents and you stay happy at yours. He is visiting India after two years that for only two weeks. Let him choose where he wants to stay. If other than this stay issue he is good with you, it's not worth fighting. It's the same case with us. My husband only spends two or three nights at my parents in whole month on India visits. Same like yours one on the arrival day, one before departure another May be sometime in between. I spend anytime from one week to two weeks with his family depending upon my duration of stay. An unspoken agreement between us he spends time with his family and I get to spend time with mine.

klniha · Aug 30, 2014

Thanks ladies, it is comforting to hear this. But I think more than about being upset of him not staying longer at my parents' place, I think it is the fear about being with my MIL and what she will say that scares me more. If we will end up fighting again etc.
Another thing is my parents may expect for him to stay atleast 2 days, I dont know what to answer them.
He expects me to be at his parents' place with him for 2 weeks, is it that wrong that I expect him to be with mine for a day or 2, even if I and our kiddo have been here?

klniha · Aug 30, 2014

And no he visited India last year for 2 weeks when my parents were in US. So he dint have to visit my parents house as they werent in India.

Akanksha1982 · Aug 31, 2014

Dear focus on your vacation and enjoy it. Don't sweat over his not staying at your place. Let him enjoy his vacation. He may have friends and neighbors that he wants to reconnect with. Don't compare with your co-sis. She may have her own other problems. Every one has their issues.

If it gives you solace, my DH has never stayed at my place. He only comes when he is officially invited for lunch or dinner. Do i wish he stayed someday? yes. Do i fight with him over it? No. I just enjoy my vacation.

pantu · Aug 31, 2014

Enjoy your vacation. There is no need to complain about it. Some men don't want to
stay in their in laws house. They like to stay with their parents while visiting . My
husband does not want to stay in my parents home. I get to stay with my parents
while visiting that is enough for me.

klniha · Aug 31, 2014

Thank you!! But do you ladies also stay at your inlaws house or end up only staying at yours while your husband at his parents' house?

Akanksha1982 · Aug 31, 2014

Kinha, some part of the time we are at his house and some part each one at their own house. No set things, just how things work out. Basically if you give freedom, you get freedom.