Feel like i am missing most of my marriage life

ksmrema · Aug 26, 2014

Hi...

I am a quite reader of many posts, I thought today its my turn.

So it turned out to be a loooooooooooong one

Married for 8yrs... It was an arranged one.. Things did not go well ... so always there was a tag with my name "could have been better if it was another girl" with my in-laws but never reveled to their son....

Overcame few trouble and we are in a ok situation now .... Since not yet been blessed with children and a looooooooooot of pressure on us and no conversation happens with him ... it happens with me and i feel very awkward ... if i inform or give him a clue in front of them then it become a total serious discussion when he is not there ..... Handled this situation as well ... now i am ok with it ... which DH understood after so many years of marriage ....

But i have some basic issues in our relation.... Since he had a big concern when we were newly married our relation in bed also was like the same ... everything went wrong as per his perception build with the conversation he had before marriage with his friends.... I took a nerve to talk to him and put some things in place ... ( i would wonder if i would be a virgin if i would not have talked) ... The funniest part was ............My mom-in-law's inquiry about my delayed periods ..:idontgetit::bang

An example .... We live most of the time alone .... no one other than two of us .... He would not even touch me from morning till evening ... not even come closer.... or hold hand .... but he would want me to cooperate only in bed. Which i feel sick ... i talk to him about it and he said he would change ... We were separated for 3 months because of onsite travel ... once we were back we talked to have our second inning of our life ... but nothing happened .. another reminder then he does the same ....... If i wanted to talk it out he would stay silent without any conversation .......not even reply to any question i ask ..... We did not even plan our honeymoon because of the issues ... and whenever we went alone for Shirdhi we have to tell his parent only after so much thinking ........ so much preparedness .......

We are now dealing with our issue to conceive .... I am kind of scared and worried and wanted to talk ... I haven't shared what treatment we were taking to my parents or to my sister .... His sister are no way understandable .. They have kids (two each) and ask question why medication for him .........! mg:Witsendwhich irritated me and lost my nerve and had a quarrel with my DH and he understood and stopped telling his sister on any update of our treated ...

I thought to get us some enthusiasm in our life thought to have some good time .... But he always make it bad ... there are many situation where i was neutral and non expressive what it felt to me ....

I know its a long post ..............I need some advice ................

pihu123 · Aug 26, 2014

ksmrema said: ↑

Hi...

I am a quite reader of many posts, I thought today its my turn.

So it turned out to be a loooooooooooong one

Married for 8yrs... It was an arranged one.. Things did not go well ... so always there was a tag with my name "could have been better if it was another girl" with my in-laws but never reveled to their son....

Overcame few trouble and we are in a ok situation now .... Since not yet been blessed with children and a looooooooooot of pressure on us and no conversation happens with him ... it happens with me and i feel very awkward ... if i inform or give him a clue in front of them then it become a total serious discussion when he is not there ..... Handled this situation as well ... now i am ok with it ... which DH understood after so many years of marriage ....

But i have some basic issues in our relation.... Since he had a big concern when we were newly married our relation in bed also was like the same ... everything went wrong as per his perception build with the conversation he had before marriage with his friends.... I took a nerve to talk to him and put some things in place ... ( i would wonder if i would be a virgin if i would not have talked) ... The funniest part was ............My mom-in-law's inquiry about my delayed periods ..:idontgetit::bang

An example .... We live most of the time alone .... no one other than two of us .... He would not even touch me from morning till evening ... not even come closer.... or hold hand .... but he would want me to cooperate only in bed. Which i feel sick ... i talk to him about it and he said he would change ... We were separated for 3 months because of onsite travel ... once we were back we talked to have our second inning of our life ... but nothing happened .. another reminder then he does the same ....... If i wanted to talk it out he would stay silent without any conversation .......not even reply to any question i ask ..... We did not even plan our honeymoon because of the issues ... and whenever we went alone for Shirdhi we have to tell his parent only after so much thinking ........ so much preparedness .......

We are now dealing with our issue to conceive .... I am kind of scared and worried and wanted to talk ... I haven't shared what treatment we were taking to my parents or to my sister .... His sister are no way understandable .. They have kids (two each) and ask question why medication for him .........! mg:Witsendwhich irritated me and lost my nerve and had a quarrel with my DH and he understood and stopped telling his sister on any update of our treated ...

I thought to get us some enthusiasm in our life thought to have some good time .... But he always make it bad ... there are many situation where i was neutral and non expressive what it felt to me ....

I know its a long post ..............I need some advice ................
Click to expand...

Hi reema,
I am in the same situation too.My Husband's nature is same as urs..I am also trying to conceive but in vain.Don't know when God is going to bless all of us....

IndianLady009 · Aug 27, 2014

Dear OP,

Let me tell you some little secret..No one in this world will make you happy..Its you,have to make your life happy.

Few tips I can think of..

1)Pamper your self,with all the nice massages,beauty stuff and make your self more attractive and wear nice clothes.

2)Always try to be cheerful...Rely on Yoga,music etc for that.

3)If your DH does not do the things that you want/expect,you go ahead and do that..Like,hold his hands,and give surprise pecks/kisses to him once in a while.
Simply...You take the initiative...dont wait for him..

4)Dont try to chase him,instead try to ignore him and yet try to keep an eye on him.You know what I mean

5)Ignore the in-laws talks about this,and if they ask about these questions,just ask them to talk to their son.If they keep asking you,change the topic
and talk to them about their health,neighbors,weather there etc.

6)Most importantly,have a open talk with your DH,as whatever happened,that already happened and we cant change and lets try to do good in the future.On that,you want to give a try and you tell him that
you(DH) is very important to me,so I need your help in rekindling the relation and love etc...

7)Most importantly,tell your DH that lets not share with anyone about the treatments etc,as you feel so bad,when someone talks about our bedroom life(which should be be between the couple).

8)Lastly pray god.

Good luck.

hrastro · Aug 30, 2014

You both stay alone and he doesn't touch you the whole day!

Lets see what you could do

Note: Keep windows curtains closed

DH- Coffee please!
ksmrema - I've kept it here in the kitchen, come and pick it up !
DH - comes to pick up coffee
ksmrema - smilingly blocks the way and says - you havent paid for the coffee - one kiss on cheek for one cup coffee!

DH- Are you serving lunch now!
ksmrema - yeah, everything ready ! when he comes to table - block the way and say - 1 hug for the lunch!

When he's leaving for office - block the door - say - this is the toll gate - you have to pay me a compliment before going !

When he asks for TV remote - say - You have to hug and sit with me then you'll get the remote

When he comes for dinner - ask him what romantic movie song would apply to you

In bed, when he starts reaching out for you - put a pillow in between and say - not before you tell me three good things about me!!!

Do this everyday with a smiling face without getting irritated/dejected by his resistance! There will definitely be resistance, so keep your confidence levels high! Get some tips for grooming, good clothes, smart menu items and some good comebacks!

Come back and tell us in 2 weeks what changes you're noticing !!

powerpuffgal · Aug 31, 2014

hrastro :gift

ksmrema · Sep 1, 2014

hi hrastro

I have some similar things .... He seems to be not responding ... When i ask him he would do but the next moment he would forget...

Its been a cycle for me , it would take a week sometimes to pull my socks and get going... but sometimes it would take month....

I have shared what i am expecting but still, he seems to be understanding and realising but the bigger devil of forgetting is dominating ....

ksmrema · Sep 1, 2014

It was just a day when i felt like sharing ..... As you were saying if i ignore him and just do what i have to do .... i would not be surprised to see him be like that for ever ....

Sometimes i have felt great to having myself passed the clouds .... and preparing for the new ones ....

aabcii · Sep 1, 2014

Hello friends ..

feels so sorry for the kind of attitude ur husbands are doing it to you ..always most men are like this .. they are always selfish and dont care abt others .. a similar to kiddish nature .. dont know what is important and what dont.. just live like a animal type and roam alone ... but my suggestion is try to motivate them .. talk to them .. what they are busy off and why so much tension.. could have open talk and decide the important matters of life and when what to do ... dont always try to make them change as how u want as that will make situation more worse .. men should always understant that making money and self pleasure s not what they can expect always ...