how to own my dh and my parents

goldfish · Aug 24, 2014

Hey ILites.. Im having a disturbance in my heart.. Im married of 1yr..dh is very good and honest and taking good care about me like a baby.he vl provide me whatever i need. But at the time wedding SIL started a fight with my parents and now my ILs keeping distance with my parents. MIL acted with me and dh and projected my parents have done all the mess. I dnt knw but it seems they did all these things wantedly..bcz my parents didnt accepted this match earlier but i connected with dh b4 mrge..i mean love..jst fo me they accepted match..my mil and sil polluted my dh.now we came and settled in abroad.now he also keeping distance from my parents.And also forcing me to abuse my parents.i jst cant do that. Besides,he love his sis very much..i have no prob in that.bcz i dont like to ruin relationships..but he always share and discuss evrything happening in our life with her..i asked him not to discuss our personal matters with her..then he stopped discussing abt me..but other than me..that means his issues at office and all he is discussing.he share fun evrything with her.. im feeling that he should do all these things with me and not with her.bcz of dis he spending with me very less time.and i asked him to spend with me more time..he telling that im with u only na always..he is always with me but chatting with sis on mobile. I want to own my husb..i need his time..also i want him to change his opinion on my parents. I want them to reunite.  Plz give ur valuable suggestions to own my husb..so that i can b his top priority.. Thank u all..

Joyoflife · Aug 24, 2014

You want to own your husband but why? You are only married for one year. Try to make your relation strong with him. Cook his fav food. Plan outings with him. With all those misunderstandings you have mentioned, give it some time. Every Marriage needs a lot of work and honest effort from both sides. Do not get upset for these petty things. All the best.

Ragini25 · Aug 24, 2014

You dont own him, lol!!. Just build your life with positive intent.

goldfish · Aug 25, 2014

Yes I agree with u..I can undstd..but im feeling like someone ruling my life indirectly.. evn now they are complaining about my parents..my parents are really gone to panic..
Im having positive intension..that's y im trying search the solution for my prob in a positive way.. otherwise I would feel like separating from this weird family.
Now plz suggest how can I proceed...I mean how can I reunite my dh and parents.. how can I stop my sil bothering my life.. how can I get the top position in dh's heart.??????

goldfish · Aug 25, 2014

Joyoflife said: ↑

You want to own your husband but why? .
Click to expand...

Bcz im feeling insecure..he is treating his sis as a wife and sharing evrythng except s**.even they vl k*** on messages and even on calls..that is really weird and frustrating. .he follows her suggestions and advices always.. and bcz of her attitude I lost my parents.. he will not attempt my call sometimes..wen I asked he will simply say that he is busy...but wenever he got a txt or call from sil....he vl neglect evrythng he's doing and vl answr her..
I want him to giv importance to me first..
I think im having such right as a wife to hope so..

YoGirl · Aug 25, 2014

If your SIL is capable of stealing your husband..then you are very much capable of stealing him away from her.
About your parents..don't force them to build a relation..the more you push..the more they repel..just do your duties towards your parents..then he will def turn around one day.
Is your SIL married? If not, you need to become smart..and take over the technology and create a group in whatsapp,facebook or whatever and join their chat..start slowly..V imp..show your husband that you are happy..and he will surely join your happiness..
if you are sad, depressed and fight..then he will go away into a peaceful section(SIL,MIL,FIL)

yellowmango · Aug 25, 2014

Dear Op...do you stay with in laws?

As for your husband's relationship with your parents....it cannot be forced. Give it time.First of all...do not let him abuse them or let him expect you to treat them badly.Make it very clear. Tell him your parents mean as much to you as his parents mean to him.Tell him, misunderstandings can be sorted out but respect cannot be gained once lost. Tell him,your relationship with your inlaws is important just as his relationship with your parents.Tell him ,no one likes their parents to be treated badly.Try to reassure him that your parents are your(as a couple) well wishers.

Try not to force the two parents into a relationship. Tell your parents to be just cordial and avoid all unnecessary communications and meeting till relations are better.If confrontations can be avoided,over a period of time ,relations between your husband and parents may become better.

As for your husband. Try to improve your bonding with him.Work on doing things together.Don't complain directly about the time spent on talking to sil but do let him know you don't like her interference if she does that. Take Yo girl's suggestions...
Don't try to compete with sil in doing what she does....instead try to improve where you are better.Clingy sils are difficult to deal with...hopefully with time she will get busy in life and leave you both alone.Your husband will also become busier as your family increases.Do make it known to him that you do not like your sils behavior with your parents and that is not acceptable.Let him know that it is a big flag for your future relationship with his sister.
Best wishes Op
cheers.

goldfish · Aug 25, 2014

yellowmango said: ↑

Dear Op...do you stay with in laws?

As for your husband. Try to improve your bonding with him.Work on doing things together.Don't complain directly about the time spent on talking to sil but do let him know you don't like her interference if she does that. Take Yo girl's suggestions...
Don't try to compete with sil in doing what she does..
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No.we r not living with them. Fil too lives in same city..he visits us sometimes.he is good.
Mil and sil are in some other place..

I will not compete with sil..instead she competes with me in evrythng..whenever my dh brought me gift..sil also asks for the same kinda gift..but she vl make sure that her gift was definitely costlier than mine..she insult me indirectly with such gifts..

I tried alot times to let him knw that i dont like his way of treating his sis.so specially..
Even he knows that im feeling uncomfortable with him in this aspect..still he is continuing whatever he wants. Sil,mil,fil even they dont bother my dh's suggestions and advices.. still he always want to talk with them.always wants to involve in their things..

My ILs used to talk very sweetly with my dh whenevr they need his help.i mean financial help..otherwise they jst dont bother him..
Evry mnth he used to giv pocketmny to sil and mil..at that time evry mnth..they vl change very sweetly..they act like following his suggestions and all...

I think even my dh know their behaviour..still he is giving higher priorty to them than me..

I want to do something so that i can be special to him..yes i hav to act smart..
Plz suggest me some more tips..

Joyoflife · Aug 25, 2014

goldfish said: ↑

Bcz im feeling insecure..he is treating his sis as a wife and sharing evrythng except s**.even they vl k*** on messages and even on calls..that is really weird and frustrating. .he follows her suggestions and advices always.. and bcz of her attitude I lost my parents.. he will not attempt my call sometimes..wen I asked he will simply say that he is busy...but wenever he got a txt or call from sil....he vl neglect evrythng he's doing and vl answr her..
I want him to giv importance to me first..
I think im having such right as a wife to hope so..
Click to expand...

Of course dear you have all the rights. I have been in your shoes when I was newly married except the fight with parents part. My mil has adopted two of her nieces and they did everything they could to disturb my peace. Just give your relation some time. Do not talk about sil to your hubby. Constant complaining just makes things worst. Feel happy look happy. Look at the brighter side you don't have to live with in laws. Either look completely carefree on this matter or like what yo girl has suggested get yourself involved in their conversation. Make a group on what's app and invite all of them. A friend of mine did that. Regarding problem with parents, time is the best healer. Whenever you are with hubby feel happy and make him feel comfortable. Be confident he is yours and will always be. Do fun things together.