How to deal

manisha036 · Aug 22, 2014

Hi friends
I posted about my dhs dramatic behaviour after raksha bandhan. Please refer to my last thread.
After 2 3 days he became quite normal. But it was illusive.
After that he starts his office talks in a normal way. everything seemed normal as in going for movies, parties etc but one thing that he stopped completely is intimacy.
I was busy with my studies and he was stressed because of his office problems. But official ones are not that big. I took this normal.
But in last 3 4 days he started making wild excuses. In last 2 years i have never seen him with this less interest. So i tried to figure out the problem... i started thinking why he is showing no interst in me, to be honest, i checked his phone and find increased frequency of phn calls to his mum, and his Indian account balance is also dropped from 2 and a haf lacs to 14k(might be a reason for stress(lack of intimacy), he is thinking much of his mum, bro and taking me as a doormat, he do so whenever his mum and bro cook sumthing against me).
An year back he transferred a significant amt to his dad without telling me, when i asked he promised me to tell everything in future. but after 8 months he again transferred around 2 lacs to his bro account so that he cud buy some gifts for his cousins wedding. i again confronted and he simply said dad spend the amt, not me. I heard his bro conversations where i gt to know this.

I am just thinking vaguely about the reasons.
Ladies sometimes i think whats the point of this marriage. too depressed at this point.
Here i have 2 problems, please help me so that i can cope up. thank you all.

Akanksha1982 · Aug 22, 2014

Manisha, I don't think you should sweat over this. He will be back to normal, just sulking for a while.

Also, for us, people living abroad, we have to assume an annual donation of $10K per year to the IL fund. If you assume this and ignore it, you will have peace of mind. There is a reason for the fund as well. While we are living here, the ILs have to live with the society back home. They have to constantly hear, "Why you are thinking like this? You have dollars raining, for you it is just $2000, why you are using old phone, get a new phone, get a new tv, fridge, car, etc." If DIL happens to work, the hearing is double.

We just have an agreement between us that until $10K, don't ask don't tell for his family. Likewise, i spend for my family and don't have to ask. Ofcourse, my amount is < $100 though.