do you think there is still hope in this marriage or is divorce the only solution.

Hi,
Its been four years that I am married. For the last couple of months every day for one reason or the other I have cried silently. Every day I come to the conclusion that there is no way except a separation.i feel extremely lonely. I have no friends. Initially I used to share things with one of my sisters but for around three years now I have stopped doing that because I realized that all it does was to worsen the situation . cutting short I am in a govt job which is considered to be one of the most elite. Mine is a transferable job. I had explained my situation to my H before marriage. It was not a love marriage but we had quite a conversation and two three meetings before marriage. I thought I was thoroughly comfortable with him. But after marriage everything changed. He left his job in dubai and started a business in india. There was no honeymoon which was one of my cherished dreams. Within two months of marriage I were pregnant. And there was an issue as to who will stay with me.my parents came. Then I asked for some money because the expenditure increased during pregnancy but he said he is short of money. My parents also questioned about his work which hurt his ego. All these nine months we lived separately. That was beginning of the rift. At the time of delivery of my daughter again there was some altercation between my sister and my H. after this under the influence of his family or god knows what he suddenly and shockingly started using abusive language on me. My daughters birth was never celebrated and life suddenly turned hell. I could not decide how to bring peace between my H and family. While on my maternity leave I was not getting the salary as per govt rules. I continuously asked my H for some money but he denied on one pretext or the other. Now he started discussing the shortcomings of the wedding and family. after my maternity leave I went away to my place of posting. In weeks we had conversations. I stopped asking for anything but it was always my sister or mother who was a cause of a fight. He blamed me for keeping away. Except for sending some clothes and shoes he did nothing for the child. But I always thought all the problems are there because we are away. But on my next posting I came to the NCR so that we could stay together. But the more days we spent together the more abusive he became. Now the abuses are so very direct that they cut through my heart. It hurt me all the very more because I had never heard my father or brother using such language. My job earns me great respect in office and society but at home I m a bitch a whore and what not. He had a comment about all my friends though they were very limited. He checks my msgs my phone . he now points to my character on the basis of some past conversation which no one call objectionable. He bluntly stated that I should stop taking my daughter to my sisters place which I denied. I had cordial relation with my sisters but now I have started keeping to my self. It seems as if I m cut off from the world. As a form of protest I stopped visiting his parents. It further aggravated the situation. Even after four years he doesn’t seem to come out of his financial crisis. I am completely running the house on my own. I m so miserable that I don’t even look at the mirror. He comments on everything. My figure my cooking my character my family. And the recent height has been that he abused me in front of my peon. I felt like dying that day. But I have a daughter. Now people say its time to go for a second baby especially because we wont get time to stay together after this posting. Today I requested him to visit a marriage counselor but he bluntly refused and asked for divorce. Every time he concludes the conversation on a divorce but whenever I take a step towards separation he starts saying sorry without meaning it. Friends I m so helpless. After a fight he is sleeping and I am all awake at 4.30 am.. plz plz tell me if there is any hope in this marriage. At some corner I still love the man I knew previously. Plz suggest what should I do.

 

Re: do you think there is still hope in this marriage or is divorce the only solution

Thanks so much for all your thoughtful replies… honestly I didn’t expect such quick resposes though I needed it.. I want to explain a little further.. some of u suggested that my H is with me for money .. its true he does not support me and my daughter in any way but he does not even take money from me.. he manages his own expenditure, his car and guess he has also invested money in business and bought some land.. but I have no details of any of these..he never tells me. Its because we are always either fighting or he keeps lecturing the dos and donts of life..there are no topics on which we can talk freely just for the sake of it..he always tries to find whats at the back of my mind..i cant remember a single evening when we went out without a fight or me getting hurt(though even such evenings are rare)
He is only happy when I am at his parental home.. when he comes to saying sorry he would shower me with hugs and kisses and would cook for me and make tea for me. All this leads to a some mending up although I don’t ever completely forgive him because at some corner I know that this is a temporary phase.. I go for a half hearted session in bed and after one or two sessions I am proved right and there is a fight and a consequential abuse everytime…the reason why he does not leave me is not money but its social.. he has unmarried brothers and a sister.. and he thinks that a divorce in the family would affect their family reputation and their prospective ties… whenever we come to a discussion about separation his main concern is that I will bring my daughter close to my sister and that’s how my sister will win the so called game..
The day he abused me front of my peon, I asked him to shift from my flat he said sorry and said as soon as he gets a job he will shift. He also promised to quit his habbit of smoking ‘ bidi’ which is highly objectionable to me.. he also chews paan masala which is again abominable to me.. but he did not stop either of these.. and last night when he said sorry I asked him to go to a counselor but he bluntly refused.. and refused to quit his habbits.. at some level I still wish some miracle taking place and I be living a happy married life with him… but the answer is blank… can you advise me on this..