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Feeling depressed at times.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mother80, Jul 30, 2014.

  1. mother80

    mother80 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi guys as I have a previous thread about insecurity towards my husband. I want to tell you guys where I came from...

    Ours is a love marriage I have known him for 10 years now.

    Initial years of marriage my husband and I stayed in different states for a year for our work. My husband made it a point to call me and to come see him every now then whenever he wanted me to come I would just say that its too tiring for me to travel. Whenever he would get a chance he will come for only one day travel and go to work the next day. In the span of one year he must have come 50 times and I went to him 2 times. Here I had my group of friends that I enjoyed with day and night I would party all night get drunk with out telling my hubby. I would say good night too him and then party and at times I would not even answer his calls. I remember that i was attracted to this guy and would party with him go out with him and lie to my husband about my round abouts. This went on for sometime till the attraction just faded.

    Now luckily my husband moved back with me. Second major thing that happened with me was I again got attracted to another guy who was married and had kids. I kept thinking that he was attracted to me too but i was wrong. I kept doing things for him made it so clear to him that i really like him and all. At the end he showed me the mirror saying that we are married and he will never do this to his wife.

    On the other hand my husband never ever gave me a reason not to trust him i must have given him some reasons to not to trust me but he never questions me and keeps loving me.

    I am sharing all this with you is because I am feeling so guilty to the core of what all i have done. Its so funny that i am insecure of him where i have done all the distrust things. Last night i cross my limits and checked his phone where i saw his co workers call i questioned him and he blew up and started crying saying that i always to do this. I have done this in the past with another girl too. I don't know why i am spoiling my relationship.. I am feeling so depressed i don't know if i should tell him all this ???
     
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  2. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi mother80,

    Past is past. Everyone does mistakes, but realizing mistakes and not repeating them is important. You realize and feel guilty of what you have done in the past. Now try to forget your past and try to lead a happy life with your husband and don't spoil married life. And try not to suspect your husband just based on your past mistakes thinking that even he may does the same with you. You said yours is a love marriage and hope that love between you both still exists. Making our life happy is always in our hands. Life is very short. So try to forget the past and start a happy new life with your husband. All the best.
     
  3. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    wow... perfect example for crazy behavior and manipulation....

    so u partied well and now u suspect ur husband.. u shud apologize to ur husband for suspecting him and let him know about ur past.. its better to come clean for getting rid of the guilt that is burdening u...
     
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  4. Quebec

    Quebec Platinum IL'ite

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    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    when we dont have problems we create them
    Hence Proved.
     
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  5. mother80

    mother80 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you all for feedback. Yes I have decided not to tell him anything because its past and it has never been repeated and I wont let it repeat again. Also I am going to stop all this nonsense of checking phones and all as I feel that if I keep asking him questions about his female co worker then this way I will force him to do things in frustration.

    I will keep you all updated about my behavior, I am trying my best to be as good of a wife I can.
     
  6. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't ask Don't tell. Be Good and Stay Good.
     
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  7. validreasoning

    validreasoning New IL'ite

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    If you really want to feel no guilt, tell about your past to your husband. You betrayed him and it will haunt you for your entire life. Secondly, you seem to have a casual attitude to betraying your husband. You may feel the urge to betray him again since you believe you won't get caught. I feel sorry for your husband.
     
  8. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    I know IL-ites are being "kind" to you.
    But may I please state it - You need to be disgusted with yourself and pukingly disgusted with yourself. Why do you need to be disgusted with yourself? Because you deserve nothing but that. (I am sure you will fume at me, and say "who are you to say that", "do you know all my other great qualities and why I deserve great stuff", but PLEASE! Thanks, but no thanks to your explanations)

    If there were justice in this world, your hubby would have found out about your emotional cheating + partial-physical cheating (roaming around, doing things to please the second/third guy etc). But seems like your luck you escape the disgusting acts.
     
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  9. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Im actually not sure if i understood the reason of this thread or better to say what your specific question is...
    Im in deep confusion why you got married to your husband if you didnt seem to love him. You partied with friends and didnt bother about him or his care, you put another man above him even after marriage it seems and cheated emotionally on him on top of the frequent lies and ignorance.
    The only thing that hold you back of having a physical affair and keep it "just" an emotional one without getting seperatet was the other man rejecting you.

    To be really honest the question for me is more wether you are willing to change yourself and moreover are able to do so.
    Are you able to be truthfull in future and resist lying and meeting other man you are attracted to? If you are struggling in trusting yourself please look deep inside yourself and ask why did you married this man and why are you still with him, what makes you happy in live and what is your goal? Why did you risk your marriage with that man and did so much for him while you seem to hesitate to do things for your husband? On the contradictive side now you seem to have deep seperation anxiety! So why you risk your marriage and then suffer from fear of loss? Would this change again after you found someone else and can project your fears and hopes towards that person?

    The long you dont know WHY you behaved like this the long you wont be able to deeply change i fear as the root causes of the behavior still exist and might be triggerd.

    Another question which is important for you is wether you mistrust your husband because you judge him by own standards or you have a bad / fishy feeling deep down in your tummy.

    A cat doesnt change it stripes ... so please think about why you behave like this to controle your behavior. Is there anything you miss or lack off which drives you to this dangerous behavior (partying, drinking with men, flirting arround when married)? It appears a bit like you have a tendency to dangorous and self-destructive behavior. Moreover it seems according to your post like the more your husband is doing / caring for you the worse your behavior gets. But men who treat you with distance you will fancy and run after .....

    Some insecurities (checking on hubby, need reassurance of attractiveness by other men)
    you project own issues to others (cheated and maybe other character parts and expect / assume others are like this too) and the seek for rejection / getting distanced if expressed emotions / connection too seem to have deeper roots.

    I dont mean to be rude but please go to a councellor and check why you behave like this to avoid repeating.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2014
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  10. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    ragini, i agree with ur above post. but the confessions are too good to be true. i smell troll here.......... dear op, please forgive me if u are genuine. surrendersmiley
     
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