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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rupa2014, Jul 25, 2014.

  1. rupa2014

    rupa2014 New IL'ite

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    i have a serious problem. we live with our SIL and BIL and my MIL and FIL is expired. my problem is that my husband never like to go out with me alone. he always like to have a family time outside. my BIL always go out alonbe with his spouse and spend quality time with each other. because of this we always have a fight and arguments with each other and the result is that now he even do not like to have a snap with me. we even do not talk to each other when we went to our room in the night.
    i am afraid about thinking our future
    plz help me out

    rupa
     
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  2. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    If you are in good terms with your ILs, I suggest, next time you are all together in a room, ask your husband infront of everyone, just say " shall we both go out for a walk"..or.."its been soo long we had a eve walk alone..why don't we go"..
    you will atleast get to know..if your husband is intentionally avoiding spending time with you, or he has some external pressure (you know what i mean).

    Even my FIL passed away 1 year after our marriage. My MIL came to stay with us. She is a pretty cool lady and used to urge us to go and spend some alone time since we are always around her. but my husband was somehow very concerned about leaving her alone.....so he used to think of any family outings with everyone.
    So you never know whats making him behave like that....
    give it a try......
    Good Luck!
     
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  3. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    if u're close with ur sil, have a heart to heart talk with her. tell ur dh doesnt want to spend quality time with u and u dont know how to tackle the issue. people says only a woman can understand a woman, hopefully she will talk with ur dh and advice him.

    p/s: also people says, a woman's enemy is a woman. :shaking:
     
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  4. unicorn11

    unicorn11 Senior IL'ite

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    its the worst to give each other the silent treatment ..fighting and screaming is much better..It helps to have husband make the first move but since he isnt doing so..u need to do it.U need to accept this side of his and stop expecting him to change.This is the only way to kep peace.Keep smiling..dont take things to heart..if he isnt spending quanlity time with u..its his loss,not just urs.Its his marriage also and not just urs.Its wat I do ,stop expecting things to go ur way,stop comparing with other couples..everyone is different.Also just stay happy regardless, he will appreciate u more ..Even the happiest couples have problems..
     
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  5. SwathiSatish

    SwathiSatish Senior IL'ite

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    :notthatway:Don't argue with him... But do express ur feelings n desires by texting or mailing him softly... Tell him dat how much u enjoy their company and at the same time tell him how important ur WE time is... (Remember not to use any hurting words)

    If your dh is not initiating anything... Why don't YOU make it?
    Some men are men only...:bang
    Your life is in ur hands... Think positive...Do positive:cool2:
    When your SIL n BIL go out... Try to plan some surprise at home for ur dh... (Like: Welcome him with a warm smile:welcome, Prepare his favorite dishes or wear his favorite dress of urs, make some sweet talks etc)
    Initially don't expect much from him... But he will definitely understand in the long run..:thumbsup
     
  6. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Did you ask him for the specific reason he doesnt want to spent quality time with you alone?

    If your Bil is spending time with his wife alone there cant be the excuse of him feeling guilty to do the same, specially as your Bil and Sil will be there your Mil wont be left alone so nothing to feel sad for.

    I would try to organise a sweet romantic outing as a surprise, inform your Sil and Mil if you are in good terms in a way they feel you share good things with them. Dont tell directly you have problems and need to spent time alone but ask them to help you to do something romantic to make your husband happy - in the sweet valentines way just without holiday. IF he is really refusing that one you are sure he has some deeper issues going on. Specially because if the other family members are aware that you planned to do for your marriage happiness it would even look awkward if he refuses. If he does so, dont cry beg or yell at him. Just calmly ask him streight forward what his exact reason for avoiding you is. If he joins you try your best to create a romantic atmosphere to patch up with him and show him how much fun it is when you too spent time alone together, it might be good first step for your marriage. But dont wait until he takes innitiative and nag if he doesnt. If you are lucky he even wishes you plan something (some men lack of creativity).

    Wish you good luck
     
  7. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    :rotfl




    :rotfl


    LOL, in short, you are saying: don't listen to people. They will say one thing and then the opposite. I'm with you :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2014
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  8. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Me thinks, your DH would have been the same even if you were in a nuclear family. Only you might have had more freedom to fight and argue and figure out things.
     
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  9. shivgauri

    shivgauri Senior IL'ite

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    mai bhi ek married woman hoon . aur meri shadi ek joint family hui hai .mere anubhav se yadi aap mane to aapko apne gusse per control karana hoga . jab aapke husband gussa ho to aap argu na Karen . mera matlab ye nahi hai ki aap silent rahe ya phir hamesha aapne husband ki har baat mane . but jab unka gussa kam ho jaye tab aaram se baat karaen . ho sakta hai wo kuch problem me ho aur aapse share na kar pa rahen ho. second aapka sil aur bil se relation kaise hain. yadi aapke relation dono se sweet hain then don't worry your husband will also understand u . gussa , gusse ko badha hai .yadi meri kisi baat se aapko dukh hua hi to I m sorry but at least think once about my suggestion.
     
  10. rupa2014

    rupa2014 New IL'ite

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    thanks to all for your reply i hope ur suggestions will help me to figure out problems and i will use yor advice
    thanks
    rupa
     

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