Please go through and give your kind inputs

Vij99 · Jul 25, 2014

Hi Ladies,

I am married to my husband for past 5 yrs. I will jump straight into the situation. Years ago my FIL fell into a huge financial debt on account of his relative, so he ended up selling all of their property to clear the debt and atleast save their house. During this phase, he approached several people for help, my parents, my co-sis parents etc but no one including his own relatives helped, except my father who gave them 15l. Now its been 3-4 yrs since my Dad gave the money, my parents are financially fine. My Dad never even told me he gave the money until I came to know from my husband, probably coz he knows I am not favorable to the idea of giving them money as I think it would never come back. My relation with inlaws esp MIL is not good. I always keep wondering when and if they will ever return the money, sometimes I hear my DH talk to his parents saying, there is no hurry, they are fine now, so first look at repaying the bank loan, then we can think of repaying the loan to my Dad. He also says, once he is in a good financial position, he will repay my Dad. It bothers me, isn't it both the sons' job to repay their Dad's debt and not just my husband's? Whenever I think of this money, I think of all the things I could do with it like for higher studies etc. I know my Dad is not in dire need of it now but it is his hard earned money and I want my FIL to pay it back. My FIL works, I spoke to my DH about telling FIL to save up money and repay my Dad in installments but he said not to poke my nose. My Dad will never ask FIL for the money unless he gives it himself. I am just depressed that my Dad may lose his hard earned money or worse have his son in law repay and he may not accept. I want my FIL to repay it and if it comes down to he cant, I want the brothers to share it equally.
I am not sure what to do. Am I over reacting?

Akanksha1982 · Jul 25, 2014

You are not overreacting. But you need to think broadly for your own good. It was an unfortunate situation where your FIL lost everything and was barely able to keep his house. It was magnanimous of your father to help your FIL out. He and his sons should repay to your father. Fortunately, your father is not in financial crises. So don't worry about it now.

I know 15 lakhs is a huge money in India. I believe you are living in US and its around $25K. So its not that huge amount of money by US standards. Your DH is nice enough to say that he will repay your dad (just in case). So don't get tensed on this issue.

One thing you can do is to have your name or your DH's name on the house that FIL is living in. So, after they pass away, maybe you guys can sell the property and pay off your dad.

It is bad, but i wouldn't lose sleep over it.

FromMars · Jul 25, 2014

OP,
I am 100% with you on this.

Like the DH is the problem with most issues revolving the in-laws, yours is no different. You need to set him straight on this.

I too would be stressed out if I were you or your dad.

I might not be in dire straights with money, but it doesn't mean that those who borrowed the money from me in their hour or need, take their own sweet time to return. It is highly unethical, immoral and plain ridiculous.

rainbowresh · Jul 25, 2014

Hi vij99,
I read your msg and I feel for you. Unfortunately, you cannot go ovwrboard with your emotio s regarding this dear friend. You have to be very very patient as this issue, if you react in haste can blow up into serious issues between you and ur DH and his family. See, you ll hafta talk it straight on your husband's face BUT don't have any temper when u do talk bot this. Tell him it is very important that they pay back your father as much as is paying back the bank. Both the brothers must pay and bear equal burden. DONT expect or even mention about any interest! On 15 l. But tell him, though your parents aren't in a dire situation, they still need to be paid back and do not have excess money for lending ppl!
Choose your words carefully ...never make it sound like 'what the hell it is my fathers hard earned money and u ppl are gambling here with it'.
Wait a few months or a year and after that try speaking directly to your father in law directly but again be very polite and respectful. Better if MIL is not around( obvious reasons).
Good luck!

JustLikeYou · Jul 28, 2014

Is it possible for you to mention it to your FIL without involving husband and MIL? Can you tell him politely ? Is the FIL that much of a patient guy?

I completely understand the situation. Your frustation is valid.

If FIL doesnt repay then your husband will, which is basically you are repaying your father.
It's very unethical of your FIL to do that to you and his own son. BIL has equal responsibility if FIl doesnt repay.

Like one of the ladies mentioned, see if you can get a great share in FIL's property if the money is not repaid. That's easily said than done.

Unless you make your FIL take the moral responsibility there is no way that money is going to go to your father....

Akanksha1982 · Jul 29, 2014

OP, I understand the frustration but this is a deal between your father and your FIL. Both adults. Your father must have known that the money is never going to be repaid when he lend it your FIL. Maybe there is an agreement or not. But any case, it is not appropriate for you to get involved in this matter by talking to your FIL. Just think your father may have given money to some other relative. Would you get involved in that?

This is the reason, one should not lend to relatives and if one wishes to lend it, it should be done with the expectation that it is not going to be repaid.

i know it is frustrating but you need to stay out of it for your own peace. If your FIL could pay it back or intended to pay it back he would have and he may pay it back.

Shina · Jul 29, 2014

Yes i agree with akanksha1982,this was a deal made between ur father and ur fil, both adults.your father did not even inform u , so if ur husband had not mentioned it to , u would never have known. This suggests ur husbands intentions are good.I suggest do not get directly involved. talk to ur father about this if u want, if he needs it back he can make up a story whereby he can suggest he is in need of it now, so if possible can u ( fil) start paying back slowly.
but it is in ur best interest not to get involved in this unless u r capable of handling the consequences that will occur due to this as this is a very touchy subject to approach. ur getting involved can send them messages that u do not trust their and ur husband's intention of paying ur father back and this could lead to a lot of resentment or anger towards u i feel.