Taking time-off from being a wife

dsmenon · Jul 24, 2014

Hello ladies,
Let me give you all a brief bg about me. I have been married to my DH for 7 years and we dated for almost a year. Since we got into a relationship we were always together. We worked at the same place for almost 6 years. (We were in the same company.) I now work at a different company but our offices are just a block away.

As I mentioned, we are always together. My DH or me wouldn’t step out of the house without each other. I have even mentioned it in one of the old threads – even to take out the trash I should go with my DH to the patio. But this time when I was going to India for a vacation my DH couldn’t join me due to his work commitments. Initially I was excited thinking I would have some alone time with my mom n dad. I would be able to enjoy with my cousins and relatives – uninterrupted fun! But then as the travel date came closer my excitement started to go down. I started to find out reasons to avoid my travel. But failed. Then on the day of travel I was so upset. I cried my eyes out at the airport and in the flight. Phew! My DH was also very sad and I could see him chocking and trying to avoid tears and cheer me up.

All our friends said to us – “enjoy your time alone”, “have fun, this is the best time” “ oh u r back to being single for 3 weeks” and etc etc I never felt it that way. In fact I like doing things with my DH. I like being with him. This having fun alone never worked for me or my DH. We both always want each other. We are so dependent on each other.

I have seen in almost 90% of other couples they need sometime off from each other. My question is (out of curiosity) – how many of you feel to take time off as necessary? And y; what do you do without him? and how many of you are like me?

Rgds,
DS

crazysans · Jul 24, 2014

Hi dsmenon,

Me and my DH are very much like you guys. We would never step out without each other , be it grocery, haircut or even for walking. I remember once we had a big fight and I said I wanted some alone time and went out for walking in a park nearby my house and returned after a hour. DH is almost shocked that day and was really worried, he almost chocked and said "I wanted to join you soo badly" . He is otherwise not very verbally expressive hence that word itself is soo BIG to come out from him. Once we went to India and I had to return from ILs place with kids and my sister and DH was supposed to stay back for couple more days as per the plan. But just before the bus started I was in tears and when I reached my moms place after few hours in another city, he surprised me after an hour saying after the bus left I felt bad as I left all you girls to go alone hence I have taken the next bus. Even my kid was expecting him, she said It must be daddy soon as someone knocked on the door soon after we reached.

My parents and ILs especially mil always says "they won't go out without each other".

dsmenon · Jul 24, 2014

crazysans said: ↑

Hi dsmenon,

Me and my DH are very much like you guys. We would never step out without each other , be it grocery, haircut or even for walking. I remember once we had a big fight and I said I wanted some alone time and went out for walking in a park nearby my house and returned after a hour. DH is almost shocked that day and was really worried, he almost chocked and said "I wanted to join you soo badly" . He is otherwise not very verbally expressive hence that word itself is soo BIG to come out from him. Once we went to India and I had to return from ILs place with kids and my sister and DH was supposed to stay back for couple more days as per the plan. But just before the bus started I was in tears and when I reached my moms place after few hours in another city, he surprised me after an hour saying after the bus left I felt bad as I left all you girls to go alone hence I have taken the next bus. Even my kid was expecting him, she said It must be daddy soon as someone knocked on the door soon after we reached.

My parents and ILs especially mil always says "they won't go out without each other".
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that was so sweet of your husband to show up like tht.. i totally get it..

MaliniHari · Jul 24, 2014

I would miss my DH when I am on vacation to India or if I travel to other countries to visit my cousins though. But I envy you people. I have been upset, but not to the extent of tears. It might vanish by the time I reach the destination. May be I have not paid attention to my emotions. My DH knows I would love to be left alone when I am having my "personal" time and he never interferes. Am I the only one like this? :confused2: Does that sound weird???

Not that I intentionally want to get rid of him, but I feel I am relaxed when I am alone especially when I have to put my thoughts or focus on something.

Laks09 · Jul 24, 2014

How cute! Why fix what isn't broken? Have fun with each other.
My DH has been a consultant for a very long time. The week he shows up early, after the initial honey moon hours, he's busy with his work and me with my chores. I have to make special time to go out on dates without the kids to have close alone time. We are otherwise super busy with the thing called life. I do envy you, especially the trash part. I just wait for DH to take it out when he's around :hide:

Stay this way! I wish we could still go out together for mundane tasks at home. That hasn't happened ever since I had dd. If we do go out together, the kids are usually with us so it's mostly a family outing. I can't take the stress of a toddler screaming to get out of the cart in whole foods, so I just go by myself.

dsmenon · Jul 24, 2014

MaliniHari said: ↑

I would miss my DH when I am on vacation to India or if I travel to other countries to visit my cousins though. But I envy you people. I have been upset, but not to the extent of tears. It might vanish by the time I reach the destination. May be I have not paid attention to my emotions. My DH knows I would love to be left alone when I am having my "personal" time and he never interferes. Am I the only one like this? :confused2: Does that sound weird???

Not that I intentionally want to get rid of him, but I feel I am relaxed when I am alone especially when I have to put my thoughts or focus on something.
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That doesnt sound weird at all.. in fact all my girl friends are like that. They go out on girls night, movie time, me time. N crazy me.. i dont like any of this..:idontgetit: I keep thinking about home, my DH when am out without him.. N he is also the same. He keeps calling me every 15 min to update me what is happening n to find out if am ok, if am bored.

dsmenon · Jul 24, 2014

Laks09 said: ↑

How cute! Why fix what isn't broken? Have fun with each other.
My DH has been a consultant for a very long time. The week he shows up early, after the initial honey moon hours, he's busy with his work and me with my chores. I have to make special time to go out on dates without the kids to have close alone time. We are otherwise super busy with the thing called life. I do envy you, especially the trash part. I just wait for DH to take it out when he's around :hide:

Stay this way! I wish we could still go out together for mundane tasks at home. That hasn't happened ever since I had dd. If we do go out together, the kids are usually with us so it's mostly a family outing. I can't take the stress of a toddler screaming to get out of the cart in whole foods, so I just go by myself.
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Sometimes i feel we are too dependent on each other. We dont have any kids yet. Now we are planning and now itself he makes sure by asking tht whn you are pregnant you will not stop coming with me, right? we shud keep doing all things like we are doing now. i dont know if this would be even remotely possible. :shaking:

veeramachaneni · Jul 24, 2014

That is so sweet of you both to spend time like that. Me and DH love to spend time together. never intentionally plan a trip to spend me time but we do get personnel time for each other.

DH loves sports and hates books. Me I love reading and not interested in any sports.

DH wakes up early like 6 am in the morning and goes out to play tennis with his friends while I curl up in the bed with a book or listen to music..etc (till DD wakes up) on weekends.

MaliniHari · Jul 24, 2014

@dsmenon - you people seem cute! Be the way you are! Be like high school sweethearts! hugsmiley

dsmenon · Jul 24, 2014

MaliniHari said: ↑

@dsmenon - you people seem cute! Be the way you are! Be like high school sweethearts! hugsmiley
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Thank you so much!!