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My aversion to Dogs...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, this is not about my marital life issue. But about my taste and the taste of my husband, which obviously would take a toll in our marital life for sure-if we are not ready for a compromise.

    Having said that... I am not a pet lover. I never wanted or not even imagined to have a pet around my house.
    Perhaps I learnt this from my mom. She too hates pets for a reason.
    However, my siblings and dad too loved pet, so they had no problems with regards to pets.

    On the contrary, my husband is a real pet lover. He was raised in a family, where his dog too was raised as one of his sibling. His mom really loved her dog, and they all treat pets as part of their lives.

    My very first condition prior to marriage was all about my aversion to pets. My husband agreed, since we never thought of living in this country that time. Without help, and support we both felt it is not a great idea to raise kids and pets together in an alien country, so both gave up the idea.

    Fate brought us back to home, and here my husband is bringing a new pet home. When he asked for my permission with all the promises as to keep the pet only inside his cage (little comfy home), and never allow my kids to play with the pet and also to take a good care of the pet (in terms of vaccination and all), I had to give in to my aversion. So, the pet is here.

    My servant being a Muslim, said she won't touch a dog. Me or mom can't be expected to be near a dog-given our long fear/aversion to them. So, the entire duty on taking care of this pet fallen to my husband.

    Since he is working full time, he finds it extremely difficult to potty train the pet, and clean his cage. Bathing, vaccination and other cleaning stuff are still pending.

    His dad (residing very close by) comes thrice a day to keep food and stuff to the dog. Because mom or maid won't go near, or open the cage for sure.

    I can't ask my FIL to potty train or do the needful to his son's dog. Because I know his son is more of my responsibility than his after marriage. I know my husband can't handle all the works either.
    At the same time, I can't ask my mom or maid to do the work, knowing their aversions to pet. I know what it means, since I have the same feelings.

    Some times, this dog comes out of his cage when my FIL opens it for food. It goes around the house, and damages my plants, and dirt the play area of my son.

    My son, having his father's genes, loves this dog like anything. He too runs behind the dog, as if he is chasing it.

    This dog is 4 months old. Not at all trained, not at all properly cared. So, I am not sure what will be the potential danger if we keep it this way. At the same time, I can't force my husband to give this dog for adoption either. However, I am too concern about my family's safety and the overall hygiene part here.

    Since I work full time, I am too bothered about the risk factor of my son, and the other additional work that my mom has to do with this dog and son's connection (because my son is always near the cage, and play with the dog it seems).

    What say ladies?
     
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  2. Komik

    Komik Silver IL'ite

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    First thing I am not clear about is how many hours dog is staying in cage daily ?
    You saying it is in the cage all the time ?:eek
    If yes , then I dont belive your husband is true pet lover, unless dog is weight 1 kg and cage has 10 square metres.

    I have many years experience in raising dogs, they need space and time to run daily , it is necessery for dog's health and also psychic.
    No surprise dog is damaging things or gives dirt!
    Does anyone taking the dog out and train it to pee there, not inside ?
    Your husband doesnt seems very responsible, he should not take young puppy dog when spends all time in work and there is no person to take care and train dog!:rant
    Especially if he knew your aversion about pets
    Maybe a cat would be better idea? (Do not require so much attention )
    Puppy wants to play and as it has no company then destroys plants and other things just to have any fun.

    Vaccines is a MUST and you should do it as soon as possible for dog and your safety!
    Dont delay it just tell your hubby to do it ! It is him who wanted pet , so then now it is his duty !
    If you worry about hygiene your DH should visit vet every 3 month and apply anti-parasite meds to dog, also buy a anti-insect collar, that should be totally enough if dog spends so much time inside.
    Bathing for dogs is not very needed, except some long/shaggy hair breeds.

    If it may consolate you, the dog after year will "grow up" and will not make so much damage anymore, just make sure it has any bone or toy to be busy with.

    Also please (tell your hubby) to attach to collar plate with your phone number in case of dog missing.
    Hard to guess if dog can be dangerous , it depends what breed it is (if not mutt)
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2014
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  3. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Just a thought! While I can understand your aversion to any kind of pets at your home, why do you not want your son to play with the dog? Probably, he may become his best friend and also a great dog lover. From what I have heard and seen, children with dogs as friends turn into wonderful human beings. :)

    One thing you could do is to ask your husband to give some quality time to potty train and learn few basic commands when he is young so that it will be much better for you during your husband's absence. I feel it is not too good an idea to adopt a dog when one person is not too willing to accommodate one. Bringing up a pet is not just taking him for potty and serving food, they are just like babies and need lots of attention and care just like toddlers.

    Meanwhile, puppies at this age require lots of play time for their own good. Locking them inside their cage does not seem too good an idea. Not trying to judge you, but please do talk to your husband for providing any alternate arrangement instead of a cage.

    If I may ask, what is the breed of the dog???

    Wanted to add, I agree with the above poster, if a puppy that young is locked in a cage all day, he is prone to causing more damage when you let him outside, how else can he release all his pent up energy??? And I re-read your post, is he not yet vaccinated at 4 months?? This is so wrong. Your dog must be vaccinated IMMEDIATELY, period!
     
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  4. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Not to pick on you, but there are only dangerous owners, not breeds! GSDs are classified as most aggressive breeds. Mine is scared of a squirrel! :)
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Komik and Ishwarya

    Thanks a lot for your prompt responses.

    I know very well that a dog needs to be vaccinated, well treated, and cared like a toddler for his emotional and physical growth. In fact, this is very important at this early stage for his and our well being/protection.
    But I am very clear that I can not do any of this at all. Instead, I would prefer to adopt an orphan child and spend all my energy in raising her/him.

    I believe that I can go extra miles if I really want something. Otherwise, I am fully packed, and have no time, no energy to do anything beyond what I already do. Above all, I have a long aversion to pets, not only for dogs. So, I can only like them or feed them when they are on streets and not near me.

    My husband has this usual habit of being childish and irresponsible at times. However, I can compromise and complement him only if I am willing to. For certain matters like pets, I really can't do anything beyond my acceptance to have one dog in our home.

    As you said, if raising pet needs this much compromises, then I would definitely think of adoption. Because my husband doesn't seem to be a pet love. Even if he is one, I still think he needs to be responsible towards his pet.

    As for my child's love for pet. I understand this. But I can only see my 3 yr old as my son. Not as an individual yet. Every time I see him with the dog, i fear something might happened to my son. I just can't stay normal.
    Specially with this dog, who is not vaccinated, not trained, and dirty I really can't accept his friendship.

    However, I will be open if my son wants a dog, and both his dad and himself can handle the dog without pushing me any further, then I don't mind. I want my son to decide this at least after a couple of years, as he is too small now.
     
  6. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Its a big responsibility. Do not keep a pet at home if its not welcomed. Your hubby cant do all the work. I can understand that you must have your own reason for your aversion. You should have convinced your husband not to have pet at home if no one is willing to look after it other than him.

    Pets need loving home. So if its not wanted there, please reconsider having the pet at your home. It would be sad if the pet gets attach to your family but have to leave latter. And please don't cage the dog....imagine sitting in a cage all day and watching the wonderful world out there from cage and not able to do anything. That would be sad. You must have a puppy....and I had puppies throughout my childhood till my teenage years.....they love to play and run around..........and caging them is like caging a child.

    Talk to your husband..... maybe he can change his mind if having a puppy is so much burden to the family. Maybe he can find a loving family for the puppy.
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I believe puppies or kids to be planned only if we can mutually take the responsibility. If one wants them so desperately, then they must take the whole responsibility too. Perhaps my aversion to pets can diminish with time, but if I am forced to look after the puppy or forced to take the blame for not looking after the puppy well, then I would definitely hate them forever.

    Yes, I too believe, this puppy needs a better home somewhere else. The earliest is the best.

    I want to convince my husband to do this. Perhaps I can help him. But I don't want to ruin my life's happiness over this puppy matter.

    I am all open for him to pursue his hobby or pet or whatever. But if he wants, he should be able to have some responsibility over it.

    I can't take the responsibility or blame or any harsh words from others for something which I already said that I don't like/I can't. So, I don't want to be judged here.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    SGBV...tell your dh that it is cruel to keep a dog in a cage. Dogs are not meant to be in cages.Period.Besides keeping a dog when he is not there to love the dog does not make any sense.Why keep a dog in an place where everyone is averse to the dog just so that he can pet it for some time and send back to the cage.
    Why do it when a much better option is available.Why not send the dog to the dog loving in laws who stay close by. The dog will be close by...dh can go and play.....the dog will be out of the cage.If he genuinely is a dog lover...he will agree to this.Since your relations with in laws are good now....how about asking father in law to initiate this saying the dog is sad and he would like to take it home.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I have already initiated this sometimes back. But he says there is already another dog, which might get angry with this dog. So, he doesn't want to send this one there.

    He thinks we need a dog for the security purpose. Which I really don't understand.
    Because we have a cctv camara fixed in our gate, and the compound wall/gate is too high. We have one security guard, who comes only at night. Plus, we do not keep any valuable jewels or money at home.
    Further the area is much safer with zero-minimum accounts of thefts.

    I know many people keep dogs only in their cages, and release them in the eve for potty purposes/walking.
    But in my house, there is no one who can take this responsibility.

    My husband might have thought that he could spend more time with this dog 4 months back, but as of today, he is unable to move even a bit from his work and business.
     
  10. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    I am sorry to say SGBV.....your husband may really be thinking the same about you. Please ask him and let me know whether my guess is correct !

    We see the other person who does not subscribe to our own beliefs and likings as 'childish' and 'irresponsible'.

    I am a pet lover. To me your hate towards pets and reluctance to compromise sounds much more worse than being 'childish' and 'irresponsible'. Sorry, I don't to post those words here, because you are one the few people in this forum whom I really respect.

    Every pet lover sees a pet hater in this prism only. Sorry to say, 'LOVE IS BLIND, SO PET LOVE TOO'

    A pet's unconditional love and affection is something one has to experience, that can never be put in words !

    (the inset photo is me, face concealed as per Forum Rules and my pet sleeping together in my bed )
     

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    Last edited: Jul 3, 2014
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