Confusion Confusion.. now how should i convince him?

satnam12 · Jun 3, 2014

Hi Ladies...

I am very confused now!!

As many of you would be knowing about my Married life (through my other posts). finally, after all your suggestions/advice's i got some peace in my life and build up again a beautiful relation with my DH..:thankyou2:

But now Issue is : We(me DD n DH) had visited my parents/brothers/sister last January who are in India ( my brother had organized a Lohri party for his son and my DD)...After we came back from India, we went through lots of issues in our Life (due to his mother's behavior)till last month, and my DH thinks that my family would have taught me.doh1.. but after lots of ups and down, now things are in pretty good shape.
So, DH is planning for a vacation for us (me, DH & DD).
Same time, My dad is organizing a party for our Bungalow during diwali , for which few of my relatives are coming (from USA). my Dad called my DH and invited us , to which DH said... "mushkhil hai aana (difficult to come)" .. i was disheartened... mg:
Anyway, my DH was planning about our vacation with his parents(who had come to our house for dinner , we live separately now ) in front of me without knowing my opinion. I want to meet my family...I am not sure, how should i convince him that I want to go to India(its been 1 1/2 year i have seen my parents), his vacation plan can be done next year.
As I am working , i can take holiday either for India or his planned vacation....
Now, i had once casually mentioned to him that we can plan for vacation in India, to which he said he doesn't want to go through the same episode of issues which he went till last month (as he blames my family)

I want to attend my dad's party , meet my parents, siblings, niece n nephew, arty but he wants to go to any other country other than India..

What should i do now? How should i convince him without spoiling our relationship ???

RedRuby · Jun 3, 2014

Hi, tricky situation... i just try a shot, not sure if it helps you at all...

Is it any option to tell him it wud sort of affect reputation, make bad / strange impression or something like to the other relatives as its going to be huge party and lot of others will come and get to know you both have been only one who didnt come? Mean just try to convince him that maybe some gossiping will start as ppl love good stories.

Wud petting his ego work???? I mean something like, if we go it looks like you are great to give in even after fight you are so calm and forgiving person you wud come for the celebrations..... (fondling of ego works with some men but not all...)

Anything else important you can think of what you have to do in India which sort of "forces" you to go there?

Or just tell him you want your DD to be there as its important for her to see and experience the culture and traditions IN India as she is a lil child and otherwise might loose contact to traditions (so its less bout Your or His parents and more about doing it for DD)

Or be frank and tell him streight you want to go home as its been long time and you get home sick. Next possible chance is just too far in future for you and this is really one close to your heart important thing.

Is it an option to invite IL´s too??? So you all sort of go on family trip back home to India??

Whatever you tell him i would try to avoid first the blaming part to not put more fuel into the fire...(like you ask if its due to blame he says yes etc. or he starts that try to divert and pull him on different track...)

pantu · Jun 4, 2014

Yes this is a very tricky situation. Tell him you have planned vacation without me, so let's see I can go or not. In the mean while hint him to go to your parents place. Like bartering if you go to my place I will go to your place. But this is also not safe if your hubby is very egoistic. Play game more tactfully without blaming.

Akanksha1982 · Jun 4, 2014

Can you do both? Can you go for a week or 2-3 days to India to attend the ceremony and also join him and his family for vacation?

Its not that always we have to go for a month or 6 weeks for an India trip.

YoGirl · Jun 4, 2014

If your husband genuinely wants to avoid conflicts, then why do you want to force him and take the vacation to India?
If same thing repeats last time, do you think situation can be handled again?...U will be forced to re-build relationship again..
You have a kid now and that kid needs to spend time with her dad too...
Your husband seems to be a good guy and not biased..just don't irk him..

HeartHealer · Jun 10, 2014

Hi satnam12,

Welcome back !

So, your husband is taking you and your daughter to a vacation in an attempt to mend things up. This is a good initiative.

Problem is around that same time, your father is organizing a party where your family members and relatives are coming. Both these things will happen near Diwali.

In my opinion, this time you should listen to your husband and go on to a vacation with him. Understand, going to your father's party where your relatives would be present, might be good for you but not for your husband. No personal space, no personal enjoyment, you would be surrounded by your relatives and he might not openly enjoy there owing to some obvious hesitations and restrictions at the in-laws place.

But, if you go out to vacation, it kind of good for both of you, isn't it ? You will have your quality time, your enjoyments, etc. Both of you will enjoy to your fullest and nobody would be in a adjusting or compromising state.

Moreover, your husband is taking an initiative this time to repair the wrongs that have been done. I believe you should support him in this.

Plus, the party is somewhere near Diwali. Many of your relatives who have said a 'Yes' right now, might even not show up at the party. It's after a couple of months and plans change from time to time. So, over phone, everybody say a "yes" but not everybody turns up.

So, you can go for a vacation with your husband this time. India, is your home land and you can visit it anytime, meet your family and friends and have fun.