Need help to deal with this situation

How is your financial situation, OP? Are you studying and able to get a job to sustain yourself without relying on your husband or father? I quickly glanced at your previous thread and I think that marriage was long over considering how you've been treated without anyone to support you.

As for your father, he sounds difficult, too, but I'm wondering if there's a way you can be geographically close to him enough to take care of him as he may need it without compromising your sanity/self respect.

 

hi ym -
I really feel sorry for your situation... u r in a phase of life where u don't have any proper support...
you have stated u r doing ur MS... r u doing it in Comp science or MBA? what is ur field and how many sems u have completed?

I have done my MS here so am aware of some struggles students go thru... I think at this stage u need to relate urself to those students who come from india who have no support in this country.. u need to feel and behave as such u r alone..

ur first priority is to complete ur MS and get a job... donot go to ur father.... it might hurt, but don't do that... u shudn't consider going to some one whom u think is responsible for ur mom's death... it is not good...

second, if u r still in MS, there are chances to get OPT or CPT and start working... there are lots of IT consulting companies who provide good accommodation and training for MS students... try cadatasoft dot com this is one of the companies that I am aware of and can give training... I have no interest in recommending them.... just know about them as my sister went thru their training and placement...

the consulting company will pay u decent salary atleast 50k as starting, will train u and place u... this will help u become independent...

also they can apply for ur H1 once done... so u need to look into that as soon as possible...

try having some friends in ur university or induia students association in ur school or friends around ur community... hopefully u will find some one whom u can use for support.. keep all of these friend details to urself so that ur husband wudn't ruin them...

good luck...

 

Dear Op....You need to learn to live for yourself now. Finish your studies and get independent.
Your husband provides food and tuition money in return for your work.Consider it a fair arrangement and look at him as a part time employer.Think you are working at a fast food joint to finance your studies.Don't get emotionally involved with him.He doesn't deserve it.

Make step wise plans for your future.Look out for yourself and your interest.

As for your father...I don't think he deserves any of your concern too.I apologize if you disagree but a father who drives a mother in commit suicide is not worth anyones time and space.

As for friends...don't look for sympathy from them.Enjoy going out with them and doing stuff people do with friends.Maybe in time you will find someone who will be a real friend you can rely on for emotional support.Till then look for a counselor for venting out and getting support.This forum is another excellent place to do so.

Best Wishes Op.May you have lots of happiness in your future.

 

Heve lots of courage. Don't lose heart at any point of time. You have got so many challenges ahead of you. and you are capable of facing everything. You will definitely be provided with the strength and support from the god to face everything in your life.

As yellowmango suggested,

.

Finish off your studies and come out of this. You are more important to you than anyone else. Act smart. Take the advice from other ILs above. They seem to be good enough.

 

Try to be strong and become selF independent. Thats the only thing u can do now. There was a thread fRom some one i think about their struggles for 7 yrs and how they have now becom successul. U need to look at this as inspiration and move ahead. Everybody strugles in their own way. Being human it is upto u on how hard u can work to better urself. That will make u a better person. If u just need friendly support u can make friends in IL and participate in the discussion. It will give u a sense of well being.

Also if u have chance do some charity work. Just in a food bank or temple or some where. It will help u alot. Even if it is for 30 mins amonth.

 

Hi YM123,

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]First of all, my heartfelt condolences for your losses.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Read both your posts. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Will try to handle them one by one : [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Post One : Enough has been said about your husband. He is not worthy enough to deserve a wife. Please don't cry out loud to him, he won't understand or even care about it. So, there's no point in advertising your emotions. I learned from above, you're presently looking for a job, which is good. Look for a job in US or back in India, but as others suggested, try to live up independently. That's actually best for you at the moment.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]In a way, it was good for your husband to force you to study. That would help you now in securing a job for yourself. Let go of the bad past experiences and pray you don't have to face all this trauma again. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Let your husband call his ex-girlfriend and stay with him. People either don't understand or forget to value their partners. They shouldn't be treated with any care. [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Present Post/Post Two : Regarding your father, I don't think so, he's anyway different from your husband, which is why your mother gave up and committed suicide. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Over dominance in a male increases when he sees that people ( especially his family ) fear of him and obey to him obediently without questioning much.
It gets very important then to make them face the reality. Some like your mother, who simply give up, knowing that nothing better can happen and things won't change.

But, you have experienced all this with your husband and you, unlike your mother, is strong. So, its important that you stand up independently, make your father realize that you too hold some value and that its high time he should stop treating you like he treated his wife.

He needs to understand that by law, nobody is bound to hear him, everyone has his/her own freedom and liberty to put forward his thoughts and live life according to his/her wishes and that, he is not always right to have his decisions forced upon everyone.

Ideally, he needs to come out of the shell and realize the damage he has caused to his own family by being stubborn and rigid, when he was wrong all the way.


Nobody is asking you to get married again, nobody is asking you to get in a relationship again. First get a life for yourself and allow time to change things up.

[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]
[/FONT]