Double face-how do u react and deal it?

Most Indian men do this.The fear of disappointing the parents and their conditioning.The fear of looking like he has changed.The fear of being called joru ka ghulam.Shyness because showing affection to non blood related woman is something to be avoided(taught since they are kids...don't talk to girls etc).
Whatever the reason ....it is frustrating,irritating,humiliating,disrespectful and definitely puts a dent on the initial bonding.

I told mine he behaves like my brother in front of his parents.That solved my problems.
You can try it.


Once we had gone on leave to inlaws in the first years of marriage.I was alone in the kitchen when my husband entered. I gave a quick kiss on husband's mouth .....little realizing my mil and bil(unmarried at that time) were at the door......the thunder storm that followed was amazing:rotfl:rotfl......doors were banging and utensils were making violent music the whole day like we had brought great shame to their family name.


You can try teasing him and being secretly naughty in front of them.(give him prior warning) Touch him while passing by....blow kisses and winks.Tell him this will continue till he starts behaving like a husband in front of others.(with a cheeky naughty look )

 

You can change him by slowly showing affection to him in front of others. When he leave in the morning...wave him bye.Next day give him an innocent hug .....

Do the same when he comes back.

If you don't live with in laws....hug and hold hands often.Don't change when they come visiting. Now my in laws just don't run to open the door because they know I will hug and kiss(on the cheek )him at the door even if they open.

My mil tried telling me that showing affection like this is not right in front of two daughters and I just told her...it's better to show love in front of children than fight in front of them.My inlaws fight like cats and dogs in front of children ,grandchildren....and have been doing that since my husband was a baby (he told me).She never brought up the topic again.

 

Great idea Yellowmango. Hats off to you.Am also facing the same problem.My DH also behave like as if he's bachelor before his mom.They both were always sit together and watching tv.He dont even think am i exist or not.He is a short tempered person.If i'll do what you have said i dont know he will behave very rudely.i am thinking he will push me some where if i hug him in front of his mom.:thumbsdown

 

hi why can't you do the same thing in your room when he comes........like never mind or care for him just behave with him the same way he behaves with you.....talk to your parents or friends when he comes to the room never keep the phone down until he sleeps ...... if you do like this for a week or two he will automatically get his answers...........

 

Dear Dars...tell him if he behaves like a brother in front of mom ...then you will do the same in the bedroom.
Give him enough warning that you are going to flirt with him in front of his mom if he doesn't change his behavior.You can tease him from afar....Make eyes at him,sing romantic songs while you pass him.


While you are cooking...call him to the kitchen to taste food...put the food in his mouth. If mil says she will taste...tell her"let him taste no maa...otherwise he will complain".

 

If he is looking after you will don't mind it becuase few things are better as they are left.

Think once if he starts supports you in front of everybody and if your In-Laws doesn't take it in a positive not, and start harassing you even for small things.....!

It's better to listen to H's words than other's in the family.

Or if you can't accept his behavior inform him if any mistake happens to scold when you people are alone...! or to inform it little politely so that it can be changed........!

 

yellowmango..what an idea's console1

 

YM, we ought to have been twins!! :cheers

 

It is not being coward. It is a compulsion, which you will understand, only if you are willing to understand.

Perfectly true.

Perfect understanding ! What such an husband wants to display to his mother and family members is, 'Look, I do not belong wholly to my wife only, I do belong to you guys also , equally ' !

It is frustrating , irritating, humiliating and disrespectful, when we see our wives are not willing to understand this compulsion of ours.

It definitely puts a dent in the initial bonding, when we see our wives expecting us that we openly declare in front of all family members, that we solely and wholly belong to the wife only and that our wife is every thing to us & family members do not exist any more after wife's entry in to our lives.

Unfortunately such a dent may not be restricted to the initial bonding only, it can last long also.