Help for my cousin brother -- likes a girl with Pub,Smoke culture

You have put your point across. Now leave it to your cousin to decide. Pub culture is becoming popular in india now. But drugs are a big NO. Even then I would suggest you stay out of it. Sometimes people write things on social networking sites to look cool. She may not be doing drugs as she claims. Drinking sometimes is not harmful.

Your cousin is an adult and too much interference in his life may not be liked.

 

Stay out of it .You did your bit and did your duty. She has put everything out in the open and is not deceiving anyone.Your cousin probably saw those pics before you did. It is quite possible he likes a pub going girl .Let him have his dream girl.Even if he is doing this just for her looks...let it be.There are many successful relationships out there based purely on looks. Many people tolerate and adjust a lot as long as they go to bed and wake up next to a pretty face.Nothing wrong in that.Some men want a women who will keep his tummy happy...some want to marry someone who will keep his mummy happy.They are as good or as bad as someone who wants a pretty face and a hot body.To each his own.

 

in my experience ppl pretent a lot in social websites. I saw during college time some drinking and smoking who looked on their social websites like total innocents and where talking between each other openly about hiding all those habbits and happenings to their future spouses. So at least she is honest. Or pretending towards the "bad" side.

Your cousin brother knows everything, wether its true or she was making it up to look cool in front of some (funny) friends is their issue.
Its good you told him so he can make a decission without regretting later due to unknown facts.
I agree too that pub culture gets more and more common. Smoking is not a good habbit, if he doesnt like it or doesnt smoke himself let it upto him to ask her to stop or allow. Drinking sometimes a lil bit (not getting drunk) is not affecting health as far i know. Drugs is a total different thing and wud be for me a huge red flag if its really true. But as he knows now its totally upto him and you did your duty.

 

I feel no... but I can't trust my self... my logical brain tells me that I am being in denial even though I read and hear about it a lot... may be because I come from a more conservative family set up... my own nieces who are the current generation are not like this... so I would rather believe its only certain group of people going this route..

I sometimes wonder how I would react if my son (who is just 8 years btw) someday tells me things that your cousin is saying... may be I will have to take it with a pinch of iodized salt ...

As a cousin I think its best for you to stay out of it as others have said... that would be best for your relationship... if you are really close to your cousin, try taking him out for a coffee and have a heart to heart discussion on long term consequences of such culture...

 

Take out both your cousin and her fiance, order liquor, ciggies for her and soft drink for yourselves. If what she has posted is true and she helps herself at ur party, your cousin may feel uncomfortable and might reconsider his decision

 

Better you stay out of it. Your cousin is an adult, so treat him that way.

The girl did not hide anything. She had posted in FB and other profiles openly about her. I think your cousin had seen all of them before you. But he is still adamant on getting her married.

Just because she goes to the pub, doesn't make her not eligible to marry. Same with her other qualities such as social drinking, smoking and male friends. Just that, it is not acceptable to use drugs. But, alcohol too a drug, so I am confused as to what drug you refer here.

I have several colleagues, who are happily married with kids. Some have grand kids too. But they still go to the pub, parties, social drinks, smoking and what not. Just that they are loving and loyal to their partners. They are good mothers, and great human beings.

A traditional woman in saree, without any of those bad habits can also turn out to be a tough jerk one day. Who knows? Bcz our MILs were also very traditional ones without any such bad habits. But they are just bad!

 

Hi Dgirl,
Yes it is absolutely common these days for girls to go to clubs & pubs with a mixed-gender group of friends...and hold your breath...drink and smoke, just like the boys!!!

Just curious,
1. Does your cousin brother go to pubs, and drink and smoke too? And if he does, is that okay by your yardstick?
2. Does your cousin brother also have girls in his group of friends? And if he does, is that also okay with you?
(And if you're sure he doesn't have any of these 'vices', does that make this girl all the more bad because she does and he does not? I'm sure he must've thought of all these factors & compatibility issues at his personal level as he is a grown up man & you obviously consider him to be a sensible adult)
3. Do you consider girls who have boys in their circle of friends to be of low morals, especially if their friend circle has only 3 girls but 5 boys?
Sounds a bit patriarchal and misogynist to me, but I may be wrong in my perception.

P.S. Being beautiful is not a crime or a vice per se. It is a physical attribute that a person is born with. There are numerous stunningly beautiful girls out there who are very highly educated, cultured, well brought up, successful career women (or homemakers!) good wives, great mothers...and yes...many of them smoke and drink too, some openly, some closeted. And their husbands love them and dote on them all the same )

I really do hope that your cousin marries a girl that he truly loves & cares for and makes a happy life with whoever he chooses to spend his life with.

 

Social drinking once in a while is totally different from smoking and drugs. You have done the right thing by bringing this to the notice of your cousin as well as his parents. Now it is upto them to do whatever they think is necessary. So I agree with the others who have told you to stay out of it.