Need some advice

Gamma27 · Apr 24, 2014

HI all,

kindly read my post and give me valuable suggestion on what I can do. I am married,
live in USA, have a 1 year old kid and so unfortunate to be on h4 visa. I dont have any big issues in my married life except "money". Not that I'm in financial mess but simply I dont have the right to spend as I like. Mind you I am not a reckless in spending. So here is the latest issue involving money. We have planned to go India this year and i asked my hubby to convert some dollar as rupees and give me as I have plans to do lot of shopping in india. I must have told him this nearly 100 times. He told me yes yes all these days even got irritated at one point and told me to not to go on abt this any more as he decided to give me money for shopping. We have booked the tickets now and going in a month.

Last night he changed the track saying that my FIL is willing to spend money for all the expenses in India and he does want to send any amount to as will lose money on conversion tax etc etc. i just feel like crying now becoz i am gonna be there for 4 months and i dont want to ask any one money for my expenses. I could be for something as simple as going to restaurant with my friends or buying lingerie. I dont want to ask my father because he already spend a lot for me and i am not giving him back anything as a daughter. He recently celebrated his 60th birthday and i never gave him anything as gift.

I dont have issues with my in laws and they are bice to me only but How can i ask each time for money from my FIL or father. I would feel really awkward. I am within my limits to ask for money from my dh right? I just dotn know what to do. I was working and earning well before marraige and had to quit to come to US. I repentthat decision now coz i have become financially dependent. What should I do. What u ladies normally do when going to india. Do u take money from hubby or parents. Kindly advice me.

persecutedDIL · Apr 24, 2014

If you were working and earning well before marriage, what happened to your Indian bank account and bank ATM card ? You must have had a credit card as well. You must be having some savings too. If you don't have an ATM card, apply online and get one when you go to India. If you don't, open a bank account, first thing. Or if it has become dormant, do transactions to turn it into an active account.

We should never be dependent on others as far as finances are concerned. We should always have our own backup source of money. Husbands can be quite biased, hypocritical and unpredictable when it comes to finances. For proof, read the posts of others ladies.

sweetshreya · Apr 24, 2014

P-DIL is right. If you have an account you can ask your husband to tell your FIL to transfer some amount to that account so that you won't be in need. I did the same thing when I went to India for 4 months. To some extent your husband is correct. No point loosing money in conversion. If he has a bank account in India, your FIL can temporarily hand its ATM card over to you with pin number and you can use it.

Gamma27 · Apr 24, 2014

The problem is whatever money my hubby sent my fil has put all that in FD. There is really no liquid cash in our indian a/c which i can spend. I have to ask for fil's money and i feel awkward abt it. What pricks me most is why my hubby has to backtrack. Why i have to ask so many times when it comes to money? Just becAuse he is earning does it mean he has the right to every penny. Cant i spend some amt on meaningful shopping. I have never been reckless in shopping Nd he knows it. And simply why do i have to fight now? I am really really upset abt this whole thing. I was brought up in a way my parents always entrusted some responsibility. I come from normal middle class family and i know what i shud spend on. When during my school days during excursion and all mydad used to give me more money than i ask for. But never ever have i spend more than necessary. Why my hubby has to do this to me. Why i cant be trusted. I guess i am venting out. Sorry..just bear with me...

peartree · Apr 24, 2014

Suggest this to him. Ask him to apply for a Capital One credit card, add you to the card and use that for major shopping. Capital One doesn't charge a foreign transaction fee. HE can pay it off here as usual.

Let you husband know that you feel awkward about asking your FIL for money. Explain to him when he is in a calm mood, giving him examples of what you have said here, and that you would like some independence in that regard. Ask him to just hand over some money in dollars to you and you can get it exchanged in India as and when needed. There would be some agencies who will give you a good exchange rate.

troubledmom · Apr 24, 2014

Tell your h the only way you can accomodate this last minute change is if FIL transfer a lump sum into your account. Tell him you are not a beggar to ask for money each and every time. List off a bunch of things you want to buy incl 60th bday gift, total it up and confront him with that right now, before you go. Think of a big number and tell them they need to keep this much ready. Make sure this is arranged before you go.
As a backup, take one of your credit cards to India. Once or twice I was short of cash and used my VISA and Amex cards without problems in big stores in a big city.

MalStrom · Apr 24, 2014

I second Peartree's suggestion.
When I visit India, I carry some money in dollars which I get exchanged at home. There are money changers who will come to your house, so it is very convenient.
For the rest, I use my Capital One card. Almost all places in India accept credit cards, and it also helps me keep track of expenses.
Capital One is very good with fraud alerts, and they have a customer service line you can call from anywhere.
The bigger concern here is your husband's attitude. Even though you don't have a paid job at the moment, you are managing the household and your baby. He should respect that and treat the income as 'ours'. It is not reasonable to expect you to ask your FIL for spending money every time. The conversion argument doesn't hold much water, since you are not asking for a huge sum of money.
I hope you can convince him that it will be better for all if you have some freedom with your money.

DKI · Apr 24, 2014

We tend to do something similar when we are in India. My FIL gives me a sum of money when I go - DH would have transferred the money to him earlier itself. Say 10-20K will be handed over to me as soon as I land. I use that for all my expenses. When DH comes we continue this...and finally when we leave we do the final account settlement, and the balance is transferred to FIL once again when DH reaches the US.

But my FIL is good in that sense....he will give me the amount, but even then every time I need to go out he will ask if I have enough or need more.

cutesmile09 · Apr 24, 2014

Why the hell you have to ask your PILs for money for your shopping,isn't your DH's duty to arrange some money for you in your bank a/c, if you have bank a/c in India ask your DH to transfer some funds there or arrange for some credit card/add on card, it's looks really awkward to ask PILs money during your stay in India, pls explain to him how you feel abt this whole episode, be polite but be firm keep repeating the same thing over& again, hope your DH come to senses, will pray for u...enjoy ur trip

JustLikeYou · Apr 24, 2014

You know what...spend spend and spend more than you would normally....after all your parents would have spent a lot of money for you wedding and the related expenses to your inlaws. This is the time to regain it all....I know it sounds mean but it's your DH fault to put you in this spot. Dont hesitate to ask for money and spend it as you wish....