my sweet dirty secret.. IL

RedRuby · Apr 22, 2014

Hi ladies,
im not sure if this is already been discussed somewhere, if so please let me know.

Well.. i have one dirty sweet lil secret from my hubby.. IL. I never told him streight that im posting here or reading posts and sharing information. He saw me reading here one or two times accidentaly as i dont shut down or switch if he comes near but still i wonder if i shud show him or not.

So my question is do you ladies share what you read and post in IL with your hubbies???

I ask this becoz im trapped or at least feel so. This is too why i call it dirty sweet secret.

to hide something from hubby is bad and dirty i feel somehow, its doing something behind a spouses back and to communicate without the spouse knowing is never good. So i feel in some way i might be cheating or lying or being a bad spouse by acting like that.

On the other hand, and this is why i hesitatet to share this, is that i need a bit of privacy, this is why i call it sweet - coz i can come here and be me, i can tell openly my emotions, my fears, ask for advice, try to help others out, exchange experience to try to become a better person - and a better wife. We have our fair share of problems too and i had moments of when i thought about posting and asking for advice and i told other wifes and will continue to do so if i see similarities in problems and share how i try to handle to get advice in return how they do so.

Im not sure if my husband wud be happy if he knows i do so and he might get angry if he sees what i postet privatly about our marriage / family or if i tell and show him everything now i might hesitate to ask for advice later on which wud deprive me from talking to women up to a certain extend. This forum is often so much more valuable and helpfull then a conversation in real life and ppl here give so many great advices that i wud feel its a shame when i cant post on private problems coz i feel it cud be of great help in solution finding process. Thereby my hubby wud benefit from IL too, or am i wrong and try to convince myself that im not soooo bad?

Please ladies pour in your thoughts how you handle it and if its bad to not inform hubby.
How would you react if your hubby asks you streight about posts here?

yellowmango · Apr 22, 2014

I usually post sitting right next to hubby.I sometimes discuss some threads too....he knows everything....so do my daughters.I have never started a thread with a problem...so it is fine till now.

guesshoo · Apr 22, 2014

My husband will be told certain things on a need to know basis. He knows there is a site in hooked to but doesn't know details. One day he asked what I was typing and I said I was suggesting a solution for someone's problem. He did a double take and said, "don't tell me you are meddling in other people's marital issues." And I fobbed him off with, "there are all kinds of problems people have. You do your thing. I'll do mine."

as far as IL goes, it is MY personal space. I really don't want my husband here. Though I suggest this site to several others, I hope they never figure out exactly who guesshoo is!!

yellowmango · Apr 22, 2014

I am very possessive about my forums. I prefer to not mention them to others.

RedRuby · Apr 23, 2014

ya ya there we are possesiveness

yup actually my hubby is similar to yours guesswho he doesnt like to be botherd with others problems and used to say if im blubbering bout others n life in general "great for them".."but im just interested if its you/us" and feels really sweet that hes atleast interested in me buuuuut he is really possesive generally n im quite sure he wud sneak in here and read everything as he usually likes to be informed whom im talking to about what.. so im bit like yellowmango.. possesive bout my forum as i said i dont switch off if he runs arround so i guess he knows /checked anywhays just he doesnt know my ID here basically.
dont get me wrong im not hiding anything from him and poor man sometimes wishes i wudnt blubber everything that happens in my life + the lifes n my surrounding to him plus i never communicate with someone behind his back.. he literally knows everything.. except what im exactly posting here.
Its not even that i have to say something about him i wudnt say in his face - actually im very honest and streight forward and feel he is so too, its just that i feel somehow i might come to points when i might use some female tips / perspective and dont want to give up all of my privacy in once by giving all my datas...

example: he is totally stubborn and moody with a temper.. sometimes i want to make a carpet out of him and if i post here for suggestions how to handle moody temperd hubby it wudnt be toooo helpfull if he reads (please dont take me wrong he has many good characteristics as much i have my errors, was just an example)..... it cud ruin my newly gained strategies ideasmiley:crazy

HeartHealer · Apr 23, 2014

Hi RedRuby,

I guess its completely okay if you don't tell 1/10 things that you do, to your husband, when you're telling him the rest 9.

Plus, you're a wife, I understand, but before that you are an individual too, with your own identity. With respect to this, I believe, you're free to do things that please you, but within certain limits.
It's good that you try to mold yourself according to your husband's taste, be exactly how he wants you to be. But, that doesn't mean you completely loose yourself, loose your identity, right ?

Also, if its giving you mental peace, making you happy, boosting your confidence, reviving you as a woman, tranforming you in positive ways, encouraging you to be a good wife and most importantly, make you feel your ownself, its no wrong if you come to this forum keeping your husband in dark. Afterall, its just a forum where we deal and discuss serious issues of life.

Moreover, if you're having this kind of "guilt" feeling of keeping this a secret from your husband, you're not at all wrong.

At least you're far better than those women who engage in clandestine relationships and still feel proud about it.

So in my eyes, you are not wrong in whatever youxre doing.

I wish your husband thinks the same.

persecutedDIL · Apr 23, 2014

Would you believe I was about to post this same question to ladies out here ?
RedRuby, you just stole my thread....LOL!

Well, I'd like to hear from others before I share my views, though my view is similar to what someone already posted. If my hubby were to be really so interested in the issues I was facing in my life, and a good listener why would I need to post my thoughts on a forum like this ?If he had done his duty well, I wouldn't have been here!

If my hubby were really interested in my problems, there would have been no reason to hide IL from my hubby. I wonder if women, who have husbands who listen to their woes and problems patiently and are interested in sorting them, really come here except possibly to provide solutions to others.

pinky2cute · Apr 23, 2014

Hey dear, don't feel bad. You're not doing any wrong deed behind his back so don't worry.
You can just tell him that you joined a forum just for chit chatting n helping needful with advices.

Besides, every human has his/her own identity. You cannot share 100/100 things with anyone.

Only 2 people will know everything about you in and out - God and your own soul.

Marriage entitles you to share everything in life but you cannot simply share your every thought with your hubby right? Nor can he do the same.

When ladies meet up in kitty parties or some get togethers, what do they do? Share about each others married life or talk or gossip about others. (Okay don't get me wrong I'm not encouraging anyone to do this lol).

We are all here mostly to vent out frustration or to get valuable advice on serious issues or simply to get to know other people to gwt support in difficult times.

You know sometimes we can confide in even deepest secrets or biggest grief with stranger than someone we know personally.
It may sound strange but if you think about it, you'll feel some valid point in that sentence.

So don't feel bad and enjoy your stay on IL.

chillbreeze · Apr 23, 2014

My situation is more or less similar to Gueshoo's. DH knows I am always surfing some women's forum but he was never interested in asking more questions about it as soon as I mentioned "ladies forum". I do discuss with him about some issues/threads if I feel it would help me to get his point of view. But 99% of the time, what I read and post, I keep to myself. My DH spends at least an hour with friends daily and I am sure they discuss lots of stuff. Neither he tells me what they talk about daily nor do I ask. I feel the same way with IL too. IL is like a best friend with whom we can share and discuss anything and I feel that doesn't need to go to DH's ears unless absolutely necessary.

Again, I too have recommended IL to many of my friends, especially who have trouble with their pils but never revealed my identity to them and hope they don't find me out.

YoGirl · Apr 23, 2014

you nailed it persecutedDil..
Thats so true..when husbands can't lend an ear to our issues, what is wrong in getting solutions here. After all, this forum has only made our lives better.
Husbands should feel happy that atleast some one is listening(or doing his job)