Is romance and S** overrated????

Hi brinda,




Life is exactly what you make it, how you shape it more, than how it is affected by external factors.

Things that you have mentioned are common and experienced by all, still there are couples that manage to keep their love life, personal life and professional life going.

There is nothing wrong to accept the fact, that, love diminishes with time. With growing burden of work, stress at home, fights, etc, couples experience this phase of lost love in their lives. Afterall, you have 24 hours in a day, and a lot of other things to handle.... who cares about or have time and energy to get physical. The charm dies with growing tensions and stress.

But, if you allow this thing to grow over and over for a long period of time, a point will come when all your desres, passion, concernes, considerations, love and respect dies. That's actually the time when people start questioning their reasons to stay in a martiage, bonded to a person when in return they feel, they're getting nothing. And, all this leads to a point when you start counting on things that you have done for your partner, sacrifices that you have made and returns you have received.

The same is the situation where you are in and its really good that you care for your partner, your equation with him, your dying chemistry with him.

Two long years without sex is definitely a long time, and not a good signal. A physical relation between a husband and wife is very vital for an emotional bonding to develop. If this is missing, then definitely the emotional bond is weak and fragile.

You guys need to understand that there are few things that are important, but there are others that are more important.
Securing your future, earning money, working hard and late hours to secure a job is important for your future. But this future and all the things associated with it are waste if you are not living, enjoying, valuing your present.

Yes, you got it right. Now is the age and time when you have everything that a good couple has. You guys have time and energy that you can put to a better use for yourself. Its only the thing that you guys are channelizing it completely on a different side.

Work, but that doesn't mean, you compromise on your personal life, your intimacies, your relationship, etc. Make it a habbit and follow it rigourously to spend sometime together in your bedroom daily, before going to sleep, where you would talk and discuss things that you like, your partner like or spend some quality time, some "Me" time.
Be it in-laws, be it your own parents or guests, you need to ensure that you take sometime out before sleeping to spend it with your partner.

Plan a holiday trip. Do away with office work. Your company isn't going to incure a huge loss if you dont goto office someday. Plan a birthday or wedding anniversary together. Make it special in your own way for your better half.

Its very important to spend some quality time with your partner, where only you guys would be there together.

Don't wait for your partner to initiate anything. What happens is, when we want something, we look at our partner's moods and whether or not he is interested for it.
Remember, the same your partner might be thinking. He or she too, might be awaiting a signal from you, but subsides his emotions looking at a negative response or no response from you.
So, take the first step. That will tell him more about your needs and desires.

Very importantly, communicate directly and clearly. Two years without being physical. How many times have you communicated it to your husband ? How many times have you made him aware of your needs?

If you want something from your husband, communicate it to him directly without any fears. He is your husband and its his responsibility to understand you.

If he is facing problems with anything, talk over and sort it out. If that problem needs a medical attention, seek one.

Do anything and everything to save your marriage.

 

Maybe sex is.........I don't think love can ever be overrated!

 

Two years is definitely a very long time to stay away from sex

 

Ahem they are one and the same when in love.

 

True , but even then there are various ways to express love besides sex.

 

both L and S are needed and its inter dependent.. just like a shore and wave.. we cant saperate a shore from wave ..like that only S and L is dependent and should experience .. its like having a daily routine ..like having food ..so should experience it too ofter and should not make a time schedule for that ... when have feel should do ..

 

In stressful and tiring life, it is not possible to keep an intense romantic love, endlessly for decades. Certainly, the intensity of romantic love can not be sustained always.

But, with effort and understanding the likes and dislikes of the spouse, it is possible to sustain a good friendship, with lots of mutual respect and 'loving feelings.'

These 'loving feelings' ( I don't know the exact terminology) are different from the intense romantic love you felt for your partner in the first few months of courtship.

I call this 'loving feelings' which last even for decades, between spouses, who fight least , and rebuild mutual trust and respect after every fight, as 'vintage love'

'Vintage love' is a word, used by some authors to differentiate it from the intense romantic love. One does not feel 'butterflies in stomach' in vintage love. But, in decades of living together, when one partner is away for days, the other misses her / him direly. That is exactly, 'vintage love'

It is impossible to sustain 'romantic love'. But, it is possible to sustain , 'vintage love, though, sadly, the same has not been possible for all couples !

 

I believe these are very personal, everyone has their own rating for how important these are for them. If you and your husband feel the same way about them, then nothing else matters.

 

Yes, romance and s*x are overrated to the point that they make you believe that if you dont do it, something is wrong. As life goes on and you mature you should accept that it will slowly fade away.. that doesn't mean your relationship is in danger! It's a commitment that you took for your life. I can't say how long is 'normal' to go without s**. But being physical should happen as and when you feel the need for it. Not according to your psychological compulsion..