How often do newly married couples with no past have sex?

Hi,

I got married almost a year back, and due to many factors, now I am on the point of divorce.

It was an arranged marriage, I was 26, husband was 30. We had spoken a few times on the phone & Skype, neither of us had any relationships prior to marriage.He lived and worked in Singapore, where his parents had bought him a condo(his dad paid the down payment, he paid the emi's).

After marriage he would only have sex during the weekends, even during the very early months. He would come back pretty early from office, around 6.45 to 7.30 but still prefer to go to sleep on the couch watching tv, he claimed this is what he'd done in his bachelor days. He would watch MTV, BIg Boss etc, ask me to watch tv with him, but there wasn't too much sex at all.

His parents came to stay with us during our first three weeks in Singapore to settle me in, in those days, although we had a bedroom with complete privacy, he'd practically never have sex while his parents were there.

He claimed that all his friends also had sex during the weekends, but his friends were consultants who travelled during the weekdays plus they had been married some 4 years.

Is this much lack of sexual desire normal?

 

We have slept together, if you mean whether we've had sex, then yes we've done that & if you mean whether we've slept in the same bed, we've done that as well.

I was just asking about the frequency- even if everything is going fine, he comes back home from work at 6.45-7, we have an entire three bedroom condo to ourselves, he'd want to have dinner & then watch tv, or go out & catch a movie etc, but very seldom have sex during the weekdays, sometimes even during the weekends, he'd want to have sex just once.

I've spoken to my mom, I'm very frank with her, she says that in her experience, newlyweds did it everyday for some months or the first year, my maternal aunt said the same thing.

 

Actually, husband isn't even particularly interested in having kids, ever. This wasn't something he'd mentioned before marriage. I always wanted kids, right from the time I was married & even from my childhood. He says that he doesn't even want kids because the sufferings he's been through(his career didn't go as per plan) he doesn't want his child to go through. Apparently he's had long discussions with his parents about this, because they want a grandchild. Also, he'd told them to search for a girl who doesn't want kids either, but he said that he might eventually want children due to social pressure because I want etc.

Once when I was surfing an article on mompreneurs (mothers who are entrepreneurs), he told me whats' the point of looking at all these because I'm never going to be a mom anyway because he doesn't want to have kids.

Do you think he'll eventually even want kids? If this is the sexual frequency in the first few months, will it go further downhill? Will he even be capable of siring kids?

 

Hi Dinky Manoj,

To the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have any past relationships(neither do I btw)

He's obsessed with a few things in life-& his life & career isn't going as per his plans, could he be stressed & depressed due to this?

Right after marriage my husband told me that it was very essential I find some proper job in Singapore as he wants to do a full time MBA & would try for INSEAD Singapore or American B Schools & be off to USA for two years & he wanted to come back to Singapore & job hunt on my Dependent Pass. I was shocked to hear this, as before marriage, husband & family had given us the impression that they're very against long distance relationships & also cancelled a girl's alliance who wanted a long distance relationship for just a year for job reasons.

He tried for INSEAD for the September 2014 batch & was rejected, he's now reapplying to INSEAD for the January 2015 batch & wants to apply to other US B Schools as well.

My husband is very particular about his appearance, he has a lot of products like different face & body washes, perfumes etc (one of his friends' wives used to tease him that he has more products than he does), he's got a hair weaving done in Singapore as he was balding, he checks out his hair in the mirror all the time. I've sometimes felt by some of his mannerisms & his smile that its a bit unmanly but then he's very narrow shouldered & lanky panky so I can't be sure.

He is also facing career stagnation & no pay rise for two years in Singapore-his friends in Singapore make 2.5 times what he does(they also work much harder btw & are better qualified, they're Engineers & MBA's from top institutions), he's obsessed with living in Singapore, his application for PR has been rejected thrice-could his lack of interest in sex & writing MBA applications etc be due to stress & peer pressure or due to gay/bi/asexual tendencies?

Btw, I'm considered very beautiful by most people, my husband also said that he married me because he considers me so pretty .

Once, when we'd barely been married five months & had an altercation regarding his MBA applications, he told me its best I go & stay in my hometown for a month so that he could apply in peace, even otherwise when we are on good terms, he'd perhaps go out & eat etc & come back & watch TV, but seldom have sex.