If this happened, what would you do?

Ouch!

Something bad going on here. How old is the Kid? I could clearly sense your hubby's intention. Does he watch **** movies?

 

Dear OP ...your husband is a first class creep and I am sorry to say you enable him with your weak response.
How dare he talk to his wife like this. You should have let him know the first time. Tell him you are sick and tired of having a creep for a husband.Tell him you have lost all respect for him . Give him an ultimatum that this has to end.Tell him you are not amused but disgusted by his behavior. Make him feel like the slime he is.

If he doesn't talk to you,it is good.At least he is not talking such nonsense .

If you only depend on him for taking care of kid while you are gone....get a nanny.At least she won't treat you like this.

I seriously think you husband has some fantasy that involves another woman. If so...let him know there are other options in a threesome.

 

He's not psychologically doing well..and his behaviour is not normal and cannot be accepted either!!!

 

OP, its not common. Normal men don do this. I see from your post that he had always been like this. Its high time you stop his weird/creepy behavior. You dont want your kid to see the dad and learn from him right?

He is giving you silent treatment? Good. Stand your ground. Dont back off. Once he opens his mouth give him an ultimatum that this behavior should and will stop. If not, tell him the consequences (what ever you are comfortable with). If I were you, I will tell him that I will reveal this behavior to both sets of parents and then file for divorce.

Enough cajoling now; only a threat might work. If it doesnt, really think long and hard if you can put up with this for your whole life. This is really serious. Normal men dont do this.

 

WOW This is worst advice ever. Typical desi wife from t.v. serial tactics. Haven't you guys ever heard Gandhi's quote: "Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?"

OP as you have seen, this advice did you no good. It will do you no good. Trust me on this.

1. Don't stoop to his low-levels of thinking. Be your own person. If you are faithful to this marriage, stay that way. Remain faithful and your dignity.

2. We live in a male-chavunist world, especially in India. Do you really want other guys to talk about you in a degrading way? Do you want others to say "his wife looks at me, i think she wants me?" Just look at the impression you are leaving 'outside' of your home. If any other women see this, they will confront you for looking at their husbands.

3. Men oggle, this is nothing new. you just have to deal with it. However your husband has flat out told you, that he'd prefer another woman. From the way you describe the situation, I do not think he is physically attracted to you. Perhaps you can use your "assets" to woo him? Dressing a certain way perhaps? Do you really need hints? Men are very easy to please when it comes to sex.

4. Your husband doesn't respect you. A lot of men oggle and admire other women but we would not dare praise other women to our gfs or wives. Your husband is already cheating on you, and he keeps testing the waters by doing more radical things at each step. First it was oggling, then adding profiles, whats next?

I wonder what he does when you are not around.

 

Agree with Rakhi. Warn him to stop or there will be consequences. But difference is dont tell him ahead of time what all the consequence is going to be. If your plan is to tell parents, dont tip your hand by threatening to do so. He will find a way to sidestep and blame you by telling them some story. So just warn. If he doesnt stop, tell parents and move out. Then he will understand you are serious.

 

parents parents parents lol. Please don't involve these God-like creatures in your situation.

Do you think parents are going to make him stop looking at other women? Why not just tell them about the lack of sex in your relationship too while you are at it. Also, don't forget to tell them how much he masturbates to **** as well. The way you describe him, i think he has a very unhealthy relationship with his laptop as well.

Learn to deal with these situations yourself. Involving parents just makes the matters worse. This is your life with him.

Do you know what people used to do about the kid who always ran to the teacher and complain about every problem? He never had any friends and the teacher was tired of him too.

You are a grown woman with a child, you are responsible for another child's life. I think you should know by now how you should be treated as a mother and a wife.

Your husband sounds very insecure as well if he complains when you dress up. Here are some small tips:

1. Do not involve relatives or parents
2. get passwords to his profiles and phones
3. remove yourself from the situation when you are ignored

 

Ouch ... never try tit-for-tat in situations like this :notthatway: That becomes their defence then . Instead, tell him that that the consequences can be severe: he can get into trouble if the women he 'playfully' tries to stalk raise an alarm or you could also take action. If you're in the US and this is his pastime in malls and grocery stores, he had better mend his ways.

 

I am unsure where you are from but in many cases, specially in India, parents are as involved in their children's life as the tea bag is to the water. While I do agree to a certain extent that its better not to involve parents, in this specific case, a "threat" to involve parents "may" set the situation right. Firstly the guy himself would realize his mistake and secondly, something coming from an adult would be respected. At least in many cases it does. At east in my family, most major decisions are discussed prior to taking them (specially, if the threats are as serious as divorce).

At least this is what I have seen in a few cases. I maybe completely wrong and you may be completely right.

 

That is absolutely BS and zero tolerance should be in order. Please don't be the one to take the initiative and end the "silent treatment" or acknowledge his presence unless he makes an effort to realize and change his behavior. He is the one who's in the wrong here and he won't learn until you force him to.

Men who think like this are laughable and no, it's not normal especially post marriage/child, no it's not acceptable "even as a joke" and no, I wouldn't trust a man like that or see a future with a man like that. This is not what marriage is about and if that's his way of thinking then the marriage between you should never have happened. It's also not enough to say "it's just a joke or it will never become action" — that doesn't not make it okay. It's not acceptable to speak this way to your partner or plant seeds of doubt. Ask him what he is expecting will happen if he continues this behavior? Because all it's doing (and he knows this) is mentally and emotionally abusing you and making you question the future of your family.

Next time he claims that, ask him to tell you where he's seen this to be normal. Did he pick this mentality up in his own family? How would he feel if his mother or sister were treated similarly?

The fact that he's doing a lot of this flirting in front of you so you're there as an audience suggests to me that he has deep insecurity about himself and he likes to get a rise out of you to feel good about himself — like he's supremely powerful, valuable, irreplaceable and not attached to you. But the issue here is that his lens on reality and approach is completely flawed and this overconfident prick behavior won't stop unless you take firm action. If you don't take firm action, it's only going to validate that he's right to do these things, and that no matter what, you being a woman will put up with anything he does with no consequences and that will reinforce his low opinion/respect of women in general.

Next time he ogles at a woman in public, I'd probably do one of two things:
1) Loudly within hearing distance of the woman, tell him that "His name (loudly)...How can you even think about another woman when you can't even keep one woman or our child happy?"
2) Be bold and approach the other woman. Tell her that your creep husband, and father of your child who has no respect for women, is ogling at her and thinks he stands a chance with her. Chances are the woman will either quickly leave or maybe, just maybe, she can give your husband an earful.

This can be awkward, of course, but I think you can own it and by being so bold and unexpected, your husband will think 10 times before trying to flirt in front of you again. Hell, you can maybe enlist the help of a friend (or a hired actor) and stage the whole thing. Point is, that have his words play out and backfire nightmarishly.Your leverage here is surprise, exposing him to the woman he's ogling at and of course, his embarrassment.

Remember that the issue here is him, not you. He would have done this to any woman, really, but the trick is to make sure that he realizes that he's wrong.

I'm also concerned to hear that there's a child involved who is at risk of growing up around someone with such questionable morals. The good news is that you're far more capable and at a leverage considering you have some financial independence. I'd use that to my advantage and take a series of increasingly strict actions to make him realize what he is gambling with.

Tell him that you're done putting up with his behavior and if he wants you and this family, then he's going to have to do some serious damage control both towards you and towards your child. You need to make him realize what's at risk and accountability for his actions. Think about taking time off. Let him know you're going to take a vacation with your child and you'll consider trial separation period. During this time, you both will have zero contact. He'll initially feel great about this or tell you things that he'll do in his free time but once he realizes that he's not someone you need or depend on, and that you can just as quickly move on to find a more suitable husband, then hopefully that should sober him enough to rethink his actions (assuming that he actually cares about his family at all). If he doesn't, then as another poster suggested, then you have your green light to consider moving on.

Personally, I have never seen men like this change. Ever. Unless there's a small chance that they deeply care, show it and will do everything they can to make sure you feel loved and that his actions are not jeopardizing his family (even at an emotional level) and if he claims to love you or shows fleeting moments of affection, then don't fall for it. Tell him to walk the walk instead of talking the talk. However, seeing that kind of lasting change in anyone is extremely rare so I wouldn't go betting on it unless I was convinced over a period of time.

You deserve much more than this, OP, as does your child! Why you ever subject yourself to a lifelong partner who treats you like that or your child whose father can only think as far as his pants? There are far better, more mentally and morally stable men out there. Don't let him tell you otherwise.

In any case, best wishes to you and your child to find a happier life along with a more stable father (whether it comes in the shape of your husband who changes, or another partner who's more family-oriented). Hope this helps.