Are you with the right partner?...

desichica · Feb 21, 2014

Hi ladies.. I have been reading off this forum for a long time now .. I have been married for almost two years now and this forum really helps me when I am not in so happy mood.. anyway so i dont have any problems right now but ..i read this article and found it amazing.. so i thought to share..

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.
Here’s the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.
People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!

DKI · Feb 21, 2014

I had an interesting conversation with a guy a few years back who said that relationships were similar to projects - not that they were a business, but in their life cycle.

There are 4 stages - Forming, Bonding, Storming, Norming.

During the Forming stage, we find somebody, get to know them, and realize that there are things about that other person that you like.

During Bonding, you go to the next step and go deeper with those similarities that the 2 of you have. If both are avid readers for example, you start discussing the books, authors etc. There could be a heightened level of attraction, passion, what ever, or there may just be the simple happiness of hearing that other person's voice, anticipating the meetings, calls etc.

The next stage is Storming - That's when you go past the similarities and start seeing the differences. There is a reason you are able to go to this stage - because you are comfortable with the person and have a sense of security with them. You know that even if you point out what you think are their faults, they will still be with you. You will never go to this stage of your relationship unless you are positive that no matter what you will overcome it.

The final stage is Norming. In this stage, you still love all the similarities, and you learn to accept the differences and they don't matter to you anymore.

This is the reason why when a couple starts dating, or even during the initial days of a marriage if it is an arranged one, fights rarely occur. This is because the couple does not have the courage to test the relationship at that stage.

And just because we are now in the Norming stage, doesn't mean the storming does not happen. Every human being wants their partner to be like them....and this is not possible. I learnt the hard way that I could never change my husband. And he also has learnt that some things he does will always get a frown from me, but neither of us really cares. Rather we have agreed to disagree on certain things. But importantly, the things that really matter in our relationship - we are in harmony (for the most part). But as they say, the best part of fighting is making up afterwards

desichica · Feb 21, 2014

^ very good take home lesson from your post.. thanks for sharing

simple1234 · Feb 21, 2014

pretty good one

dsmenon · Feb 22, 2014

Enlightening!!

vjan29 · Feb 22, 2014

@DKI,

Yes me and my wife is always have difference of opinion, if we don't argue a day then we will miss each other lot. Yes as you said, we agreed several times that we have lot of disagreement, but still its going. Can't help.

vjan29 · Feb 22, 2014

What an analysis?

There are 4 stages - Forming, Bonding, Storming, Norming.

Rise · Feb 22, 2014

good read..........

HasteRaho · Feb 23, 2014

Great posts in here.

I learned over time about how important it is for us to realize how to be independent and have a inter-dependent relationship vs a co-dependent one. Meaning, we should always strive to maintain a balance between having some sense of independence for ourselves/our partners, but still be able to depend and connect mutually. The freedom, trust and peace of mind that comes with it is so valuable!

I also recently came across a wonderful article that resonated really well with me because it articulated all the points that make choosing the right life partner so difficult (and I've forwarded to some friends of mine, especially the single ones who have been feeling pressured):
How to Pick Your Life Partner - Part 1 | Wait But Why