Feeling upset & lonely due to husband's behaviour

All you wonderful ladies who have written here: a big hug from me. What Kavya says is to be remembered always. I shouldn't also complain a lot about my DH because I know that he's not an uncaring person in general. Whenever I tell him openly what I feel and what I expect of him in certain situations he does understand. But I think I do deserve extra care and time at this stage I call my mom everyday and cry to her and that's a big relief for me. Now I know why in those days in the name of tradition we were sent to mom's place for delivery... our elders knew a man's mind very wellbonk.

I'm keeping cool but I wouldn't deny there are days when it's really hard to digest. I'm generally not the kind of person to worry over my husband's long working hours. When my boy was a baby I used to go to many play groups and on week-ends leave him with my husband and do things for myself. I suppose it's just a phase I (and also my DH) are going through.

But it's nice that I can vent out my feelings in IL and freshen up my mind Bow

Take care everyone Latha

 

Hi Aasa,

Nice to know that you are feeling better after reading all the responses.

Remember one thing in life...we come alone and go alone. Whatever we do should be for our satisfaction...this dosen't mean that we don't do anything for others specially spouse, kids and family members....but whatever we do is because we want to do it.
so if the favour is not returned you will not feel it so much.

In todays competitive world everyone is vying to do better and this really put a lot of pressure on them to perform. So husbands tend to forget that they have a family at home who also needs enough of care and attention as thier job.

- do as much as you can handle...don't go overboard.
- if you feel left out or that your DH dosen't care enough then do the same for him...i mean do your duty but don't get too emotionally involved...if he finds this difference say that i thought you don't like too much fuss or you feel that taking care of a sick person is not that imp. hence i didn't want to over fuss and put you in an awkward situation.
- sometimes to make them realise their folly we need to give them a cold shoulder. in the sence don't ignore them but after seeing to their needs...you spend time in doing what you like. Don't run behind them for their time and attention.
- if you are really feeling sick and can't do work around the house...don't force yourself take it easy for a couple of days.
- you mentioned that your MIL is good...talk to her. Don't complain but see that she gets the point.
- since you have BP problem...please don't take your health lightly.

Latha, you too take care of your health.

I have seen that writing a diary really helps...pour out your heart there and sometimes keep it in such a place that your DH is tempted to read it and let them realise how you feel.

Sometimes wives are forced to be diplomatic at home front too bonkbonk

Roopa.

 

Hi Aswawaree,

Good to know that you are feeling better. I agree with what you say. If our husbands were away from us working in a different place we would not feel so bad. What makes us feel worse is the fact that they live with us under the same roof and dish out bad treatment when we think we need them the most. Picking up a fight when we are physically down really hurts a lot. But remember to be strong !!

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Golden words Latha !!! I also realized that after my delivery. If possible go to your mother's house for delivery. It is good to know that you are thinking positive. Be more assertive in asking your husband for help. You definitely need it at this time especially with a 3 year old. My husband is very involved in taking care of my son. He understands that even I need a break.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Thanks Kavya! My parents will be here in 2 weeks :2thumbsup:. My DH in general takes care of our boy very well, right from when he was a baby.. changing diapers, giving bath etc., i also have the same question in mind as Aasi... when they're so willing to put in few extra hours at work (i agree work and career is important!) why can't they give that at home when it's needed! I plan to go home for 'rest' after the delivery and most imp. once summer is gone in India Latha

 

Relax young Lady,
After going thru so many posts by our IL both senior and Jr, I feel mentally strong now. what have I suffered after all, I understand your feelings , but there is no total negligence from your husband the reason is he would got involved in other problems in his office. My sincere opinion is that if we dont except much from our DH we wont be dissappointed. But still he took care of you for the whole day when u were hospitalised that itself is enough to make you smile, but dear you wont believe me if i tell u that my hubby has not asked me even once about my health nor showed any concern in these 17 years of marriage life. So how is that, dont u feel you are blessed now to get such a husband.
cheers
pinky