Troubled and fed up of my marriage.

swarupajoshi · Jan 27, 2014

Hi please help me. I am troubled and fed up of my marriage.

working in IT and married for past 2 yrs and pregnant now.

My husband & inlaws do not come to my parents house. My mother had
called them many times. In turn now my MIL is saying my parents did not give anything to their son-in law according to marathi hindu rituals.

The problem started at my marriage day itself. We reached late to marriage hall
as it was far. So,my inlaws insulted my parents in front of everyone that day and stopped talking to
my parents from that day.
My parents feel very hurt from that day.
My father had came to visit FIL once when he was ill. In turn in-laws have not called my parents even on phone.

I feel I made a mistake by marrying this guy from that day. I had insisted my father to marry this guy as he talked nicely with me on phone calls.
As I was little fat and it was getting difficult in finding a suitable groom.

After marriage my mom called MIL and talked about how much my parents had spent for my marriage
MIL talked in very high pitch angrily.

After that many quarrels happened:

I) With husband
My husband(momma's boy and shares everything with his mom)

1) once my husband had said that he won't allow me to enter his house as I stayed 1 extra day at my parents house without his permission. Now also he says that because his parents insisted he allowed me
to come home and because of them I am staying in his house.
He and his parents are short tempered and like to quarrel even for small issues with me.
In all above quarrels I strongly feel its MIL who makes my husband to quarrel with me.
In turn husband says its only my and my parents fault which leads to quarrels.

I) With MIL
Many times MIL had said:
1) In our culture ladies do not talk with their's daughter's FIL on phone. My mother keeps calling FIL
for propert discussions. Here, she is pointing to my mother's character.
I am very hurt because of this.
2) She says because of she doing all household work, I can do job.
She says I am living on her life to do my job.
In fact I do every thing possible from cooking in her house. I had told many times to keep a cook
but she does not listen. On weekends she used to sit reading newspapers and I used to work like a maid.
3) She orders me like a maid to do house cleaning.
She says I do not do extra household work.
In turn my husband had said to MIL its her right to order me to do household chores

Once when my husband heard on phone that my mom was talking that she needs to call him for dinner
else he may say that she had not called. So husband is upset and is saying he will not come at my parents house henceforth.

Now I am pregnant and its his duty to come with me to my parents house but no. Because of this
my father feels that I married wrong guy.

In all above quarrels I was calm and quiet, as I know if I make my points in quarrel; MIL can make it
a big issue which can also lead to divorce.
I cried many times in office because of such incidents. I don't know how to live with such people.
Divorce is not a option as my parents health is not good and my younger sister is yet to be married.
Please help me.

Maddy2087 · Jan 27, 2014

Inspired by your thread to write this :

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/245973-why-do-certain-men-have.html

swarupajoshi · Jan 27, 2014

Its my bad luck to stay in such a house. But please suggest me how to live in such conditions so that it won't affect my health, my parents and future baby

Iamagoodgirl · Jan 27, 2014

Hows your relationship with your husband when not fighting?do you think he loves you?

SENTHUR17 · Jan 27, 2014

Hi Swarupjosi,

Just one point , please trying to close with your MIL. or Trying to act that you are taking care of her so much meant to be MIL. Time being just do the things with smile... you have to be act smart. Once your MIL start believing you she automatically turns his body that you are good DIL. it takes bit of work and bit of time.

Another thing i noticed your family and IL family have a gap made since the beginning. now it is getting wider and wider . For sure this not a good sign . So bring your family bit close to your IL Family. Arrange some family gathering or ask your family to Visit inlaws family . Give your Mother in law some sarees or kind a stuffs as a gifts from your mother , tell her that saree was bought by your mother for her. for sure your MIL will tell "i dont like this colour". So what you have to say make a surprise , just take your MIL on the same day to a textile shop along with your mom , just tell your MIL what saree she want just tell her to pick some. For sure she will be pleased.

Life is a chess, always you have some check on the neck what is need not a quick move smart move.

Good Luck

RADIODOC679 · Jan 27, 2014

Dear Swarup!
At this point nothing/noone should matter to you more than your PRECIOUS GIFT-your baby-try to put evrything else aside& think of your baby only-these tensions are not to be sorted now urgently-these need a lifetime-Motherhood& pregnancy are times which not all women enjoy-you are lucky with all these tensions you are going to be a mother-Eat well,rest well,& try to be as less involving with any tension-If u need a maid-hire one-tell your inlwas doctor has advised & hence you need one-if they are human beings they should not so no-Also keep mental tensions to zero-relax-listen to music,thie time will not come again-the less relaxed you are,the best for your baby.If tension is too much shift to your parents house till delivery-uts toxic for you & the baby in such an environment.

Deepanv · Jan 27, 2014

Dear Swarup,

1. Any chance of you moving out in the near future. Like both of you getting a transfer. If so the prospect of moving away will cheer you. You just hve to bear them for a few years.
2. Any chance of you spending your pregnancy period at your home. If so you will get a break of some months.
3. Once the baby comes the attention will divert to the new born. So you will have less of issues.
4. Once the baby comes you can hire a maid. As you will need someone to take care of the little one while you work.
5. do not quit your job at any cost.
6. Set aside these issues. Focus on your pregnancy. The first few years of marriage are very difficult for many.
7. Remain yourself. Do not lose yourself in all these commotion. Stick on to what you believe. Every relation has issues and time finds a solution to each.
Listen to music, do yoga, talk to friends, and be more loving to in laws. they just need more time. And we all are here always for you.

swarupajoshi · Jan 30, 2014

Hi

My husband pretends that he takes care of me and loves me.
I think he acts because I earn.

Yesterday only I asked him that next week I'l go to my mom's home.
He replied that don't go next week else I will create a drama and this time
I won't see if you are pregnant or not and won't listen to his parents if they
convince him.
I am independent. I don't like to live in jail, I feel as he treats me like this. This shows that he does not respect me
Because of such incidents i feel suicidial.
I asked him the reason.
He said now only 20 days back you had gone, so.

At start of marriage he did not allowed to visit me my parents house. Somehow his father convinced and then he agreed to allow me that too only once in a month.

swarupajoshi · Jan 30, 2014

Hi Deepanv,

1) I have no chance of moving out. He is lone son.
2) I hope if I spend time at my home mom's place in delivery, depends on her health.
3) I hope so. So I am living
4) MIL had said she would take care of baby. Let's see.
5) Yes. job is precious than my life. No job how can I live? My husband had wanted earning wife.
6) I'l try friendssmiley
7) Yes

I feel my angels have given advice here. Thanks a lot. for helping me. console1