Marriage tips - for my best friend

Editor's Note: Congratulations! Your post has been selected as the best of forums. For viewership by a larger audience I have converted it to an article here.

------------------------------------------

In response to Induslady's post http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/245441-what-wives-can-do-strong.html#post3133734

I compiled this in 2010 for a friend.

While commenting that I only see advice on what men have to do but nothing for women to keep their marriage strong, my friend suggested I come up with a few ideas.

I compiled this list from my experiences and observations and had this approved by two people: one from India and another from USA (wanted to get a western insight in this).

1. Always remember that your husband has impeccable taste. He chose YOU.

2. Do not ridicule him in front of others and damage his ego. He is a human being too. I have seen this happen many times and found it nauseating. (Put yourselves in his position and think how you would feel if he did the same thing to you).

3. Don’t be possessive. Remember, before you came into his life he had his family and friends. They still have to be part of his life and now yours too.

4. Don’t look upon your in-laws with disdain. They brought him up just the way your parents brought you up. He is still their son just as you are still daughter to your parents.

5. Do not argue while in company. I have seen women sulk in parties because their husbands have a drink. Iron out your differences BEFORE leaving home.

6. Also do not flirt in public.

7. If he praises his mom’s cooking do not get upset. Her cooking was the first he tasted and the memory will never fade.

8. You are a team and there’s no “I” in TEAM. Always let the world know that you are both together in every decision you make, right or wrong.

9. Don’t nag him on bad decisions he had made. He is probably hurting inside and regrets putting you through it.

10. If you were right and he was wrong, curb the instinct to say “I told you so”. Instead assure him that it’s alright and move on. We all make mistakes and learn from it.

11. Take care of your appearance. Remember that before marriage you did everything to look beautiful for him. Even if you want to wear a housecoat just combing the hair and washing the face with minimum make up should do.

12. Don’t throw a tantrum if he forgets your birthday or wedding anniversary! He hasn’t forgotten you! Perhaps he is going through tough times at work! Cook a special meal or ask him to meet you at a restaurant after work and gently remind him of the special day!

13. Take interest in his area of work and learn something about it yourselves. This will help tremendously when he talks shop or when you happen to meet his colleagues/ boss.

14. Let him have his space, his friends, and his hobbies, which may be different from yours. Discuss the limitations first.

15. Do not compare your family customs and habits praising yours and deriding his. Try to adapt the best of both in your lives.

16. Teach your children to respect their father by showing him respect in their presence. Make it clear to them that you always stand by his decision.

17. Develop a sense of humor and laugh at his jokes and take his teasing in good spirits.

18. Don’t expect him to say “I love you” and shower you with flowers and gifts all the time. He is showing his love in different ways; identify them, understand him and you’ll never need the materialistic, frivolous, and shallow expressions.

19. Have a smile ready for him; talk to him gently and most importantly - to exercise all the above, develop immense patience. !

 

Thanks all.
Yellowmango: That is a wonderful approach. Thanks for sharing.

 

Hello
Just want to clarify something here. No I am not projecting myself as a goody-goody person.

I have been married for 33 years and what I wrote above are what I learnt in those 3+decades. I am still not perfect. There are more things than what I wrote here that I have to change myself.

Point # 11 : this is one of the many advice from my mother. She was always well groomed. After hard work she would wash her face and comb her hair and never looked tired.

Points #3, #4: Advice by my parents when I left for my in-laws home the day after my marriage. Was not easy to follow. Became easy over the years.

Point #15: I clearly remember this advice the day I was leaving to begin my married life - My dad and I were standing just outside my train compartment at Egmore station. He gave me this advice which I never forgot.

Point #7: My first reaction was irritation that he should praise his mom's cooking. Understood this only after my own son started enjoying my cooking.

Points #9 & #10: Learnt from my own mistakes.

I am posting this clarification after reading a post elsewhere referring to Indus Lady's thread that folks are projecting themselves to be good. I was very sad when I read that.

Also this was already published in the Home content page a few years ago even before this request was posted by IndusLady.