Divorcing a caring, loving spouse

Rihana,Love is a rare thing and a precious thing to find.There is an old saying which goes as 'Choose the person who loves you rather than whom you love'...In most marriages (atleast 80%) love wears out in some time with spouse being taken for granted or so many other reasons.But if spouse is an ideal one, then how CAN a person even FALL for another person is beyond my understanding.Ok,granted that the person is trying hard to fight the new feelings but if the spouse is 'ideal' then how can such feelings develop in the first place for another person ?
It is not the sense of duty or obligation, but I guess the sense of gratification and humility for receiving such unconditional love from the spouse, which has enough power to make the person stay in the marriage (considering the person knows the value of love and is grateful to God for it)..

 

Jigisha, what we from outside see as ideal may not necessarily be so for the person in question. Obviously, if someone is seeking out love elsewhere, they don't see their spouse as ideal. SOme need of their is not being met. Isn't that a fair assumption?

Copying my response from the other thread on here to keep it within the subject...

Originally Posted by Rihana
If there are no kids yet in a marriage, spouse is loving and caring, and person still falls in love with another person, tries hard to fight the new feelings, fails, and opts for divorce, how wrong is that?




Boy, that's a tough one, Rihana! I have only seen this usually happen in soap operas and even in the soap operas, it is the man who would usually stray while the wife would remain ever faithful to her suhag. After the soap operas, this is the second case I am hearing of, so have never given it much thought.

But thinking about it now, it does seem so wrong in the first place. But thinking a little more, I am wondering how you measure happiness in a marriage? Taking my own life as an example, I sometimes wonder if I am happy or just satisfied that I am mistaking to be happiness... :-|And this is what I do not have any extreme problems like abuse, non-cooperative husband, ILs etc. My marriage is as normal as it can be for anyone! From an outsider's perspective, it seems to me like the OP had absolutely no reason to leave her ex, but there was still something she found lacking in her marriage that made her seek out what she wanted somewhere else. And she was honest about it by breaking it off with her ex. On that level, I do not find what the OP did was wrong. Now, if she had pursued the affair while being married, that's a different matter.

I guess it boils down to what each person specifically expects from his/her marriage and how much they are willing to compromise on those expectations without feeling bitter about it.

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Rihana

What is the guarantee that after the person marries another man/woman, the life will be happy?

What if the person finds another one and divorces the 2nd one too ? What is the definition of a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage?

As per me - there is nothing like an unhappy or happy marriage. Human being is never satisfied with what he/she has. They always pine for more and always think " I wish my life was like that" or " I wish i would have married so and so" But many times the other person wants a life like you

 

Rihana, I go back to the point I make in my last post... the willingness to compromise without being bitter about it.

This might not be the best example, but the only one I am able to come up with before I leave to start driving back home

A is the catch of the season - highly educated, well-earning, well mannered, great family, caring/loving partner, very supportive of spouse etc. B is very interested in an art and one of her conditions of her marriage is that she be allowed to pursue that. A being the supportive partner they are spares no expense in letting B pursue it to her heart's content. Eventually, B has acquired so much of the art, she needs someone that is able to appreciate the art that's so dear to her in a level that A, for the life of him can't. A will go with B to "enjoy" the art because A is supportive, but B needs someone to appreciate the art at her level. In this case, I would think as long as B is able to accept that A just cannot match up the passion to her level, and doesn't hold that as a reason to start resenting A for it, all would be well. But I guess the problem sets in when B get so consumed by the passion for the said art, that it takes top priority and A, for the life of him can't understand what the passion is all about. This would be a scenario for an unhappy situation for B, without A understanding what all the fuss is about, because for A (and others looking at it from B's perspective), it's just an art. He has all these other great qualities that we assume B "should" be happy about.

Sorry about this extremely dumb example, but can't think of anything better at this point

 

PT, Did not find this example dumb. Rather I would say that you have put across an excellent example in a very concise manner...

But my argument will be this..

B is having a passion for something which is beyond A's radar...And B may start to resent A for it or may try to find some C who shares the same passion...But the things is B should be mature enough to understand that just having common passion does not ensure a perfect relationship with C.No single person can be an epitome and possess all qualities. C can be a good friend or confidant but need not replace A in B's life.If that happens then in my view B will be an extremely immature person and totally unworthy of A's love.

A tree may spring new leaves but does that mean that it gets tired of its roots ? No...every year the same old roots go deeper and deeper though on the outside the tree sheds old leaves and grows new ones...

 

are we discussing marriage or shopping- there is always the return or exchange option if you change your mind?

 

So not having kids is a qualification to come out of a marriage when one of the spouse is not so interested in that marriage :shock: Just like that :-(

 

Referring to the other thread, what that woman did was wrong. If she received certain benefits just because she was his wife then she also had equal responsibility to behave like his wife and not cause so much of damage to him.

 

is this thread related to another one?