Divorcing a caring, loving spouse

I am not going to venture into right /wrong for today..


One thing is for sure..its foolish. Its easy to fall in love with JAG at work..always dressed up professionally ...making politically correct statements with
a soft voice even in a heated meeting. Even easier when I play the part of a perfect hostess draped in a soft silk sari and decked in jewellery ...or when I travel or admire the paintings in a museum..


Very hard to fall in love with the real me..the one who can scream like a banshee when things dont go quite as well I would like or the one who can go through an entire week of shutdown in a pair of old pyjamas ...puke in a brand new car on a curvy road ...the one who can whine /pout/sulk like nobodys business..the list is rather long actually. All of us have a dark side..and invariably its the spouse who gets to see that in all its glory . If we are forunate enough to find a man who falls and stays in love inspite of 'you' u are crazy to let him go.

 

This is a very difficult question for any outsider to answer because we will not really know the depth of the feelings of all the three involved.

many many years ago I heard about a young lady who came to the US, did her medicine from scratch and then quit the marriage to marry someone else. The man was devastated and took his life.
my reaction was negative towards the lady whom I thought was hard hearted, selfish, etc. My feelings could have been because the guy happened to be one of our lady's brother, and this was the first news of this kind to me.

A couple or so years later I came to hear of another lady who left her husband to marry her colleague - two kids bet 8-10 years I think. Felt bad for both adults and more so for the kids till I chanced the lady with her new husband/partner and kids in a restaurant. They all seemed pretty comfortable and happy.
I also saw the ex in a few gatherings; he was alone but was comfortably chatting with others.
I then felt that there was nothing wrong here as long as the people involved were comfy. By then I also was getting familiar with the western way of living together.

That said, if a friend would ask my advice on what to do if she/he was in love with someone else, with no animosity with the current spouse, I will lean on the conservative side and will ask her/him to try to work on the current marriage. I may be wrong.
The reason is what someone else mentioned here- what if she/ he falls in love again? There is no end to this.

However, if there is unhappiness in the current marriage, then the whole thing moves to a different plane and a different approach may be needed.

Actually this is not a modern trend; when societies were first forming there were no marriage bonds. Anyone can cohabit with anybody. Over the years, the women where becoming victims because the males would abandon them with children. The institution of marriage was then formed to protect women and children.
Many of you may already know this.

Wanted to add this, but forgot- I always used to wonder how the young children took it. I did not know the family on a personal level. The kids must be young adults now.

I am not exaggerating but honestly heard this while waiting with other parents during my sons soccer practice:" oh he, he is my ex husbands, second wife's , first husband's son with his second wife" .
It sounded like my grandma introducing a much distanced third or fourth cousin.

 

Or the case of the erstwhile Pt.Ravishankar and his wife Sandhya. They were both married previously, and Sandhya apparently in a happy marriage when love struck between the master and student. They went on to live for may, many years together.

 

Ahh..

There is a saying. " The Grass is always Greener on the Other side". Not necessarily true always.

My actual Life: I wish the Grass was Greener on the other side "always". It was not. I did not realize because I was Color Blind:bang

 

anecdata is not the sum of total reality. i know plenty more couples that are happy than not. this sub forum is created with the express purpose of people needing consel on marital problems, so that is what you will see. even so, i find it heartening and a pleasant change when people post about the special relationship stories they enjoy in their lives!

 

such a great post, JAG. :2thumbsup: it ought to be up there in the stickies for people to come to their senses when they find themselves getting weak kneed!

 

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