The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

iyerviji · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Wow Viswa dear you are too good, you have written so well as always and I have no words to praise you. Your wife is lucky to have you as her husband as you are lucky to have her. Hats off to you . Before giving reply here I nominated your fb first. All your posts are worthy of nomination and you are always a winner in writing

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

darmesh said: ↑

It is this fixed idea / prejudice of many young wives here that MILs tyranny is alone is the reason for marital discord (all DILs are innocent sufferers) that prevents other MILs to come and share their suffering with us.

So far, three MILs came forward to talk to us here.

I will come back soon, with individual instances where the cruel and ruthless tyranny of DILs which brought some MILs to streets, yes, literally to streets.

If this thread can do at least 1 % justice in bringing out, the reality that tyranny can be a trait of DIL too. And there are equal number of tyrannical DILs, like MILs, if not more, then my purpose of having started thread got served.

Before I post the available evidences to drive home my point about 'tyrannical DILs' I want to hear more from old ladies here.

Unfortunately, I keep hearing the same old, oft-repeated rhetoric only , again and again, from the young women here.
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I got terribly surprised when I got a 'like' for the above post.

That I am going to get repeated bashing for the above post , is what I already expected.

Not surprising, when one member , suspects I am smoking marihuana in Colorado, that is why I dare to say 'DILs can also be equally tyrannical'.

Will not be surprised, if another member , labels me 'crazy' or 'mad'.

heron · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

aamrapali said: ↑

just because they can
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aamrapali....you have nailed it. Each and every point. :clap

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Anitap said: ↑

I was under the impression that you are a newbie to IL who couldn't find threads that tell the other side of the story.

This is giving me the impression that yours was not a doubt and neither was this a discussion but an agenda to prove some point.
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True Anitap. But, I don't think, there is anything wrong in attempting to prove my point.

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Ansuya said: ↑

Darmesh, are you in Colorado? I'd like some of whatever it is you're smoking, please.

And do make an attempt to find IndianGuyWhateverHisNameIs's threads. Your diction, opinions, very specific English language usage, phrasing, etc. are all spookily similar to his. Why, you could be twins, separated at birth! I think the two of you would have A LOT to talk about if you connected in PM. Maybe he could help you bolster your case for proving that Indian DILs are the secret villains that are, in fact, undermining the very fabric of Indian society.
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The very mentioning that a 'DIL can be tyrannical' evoked a response that I may be smoking marihuana ! You are smart Ansuya. You just went short of saying that I am mad. It is okay even if you have overtly said, I am mad.

heron · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dharmesh: I have heard you many times saying "meet you after 20 yr, when you are a mil"... have you thought of your daughter becoming a dil in those 20 yrs...

Hope we all see you then and give you a hard copy of this thread.

ps: Its not about mil and dil anymore, its about right and wrong and their majorities.

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dear Members,

When I said, "DILs can be tyrannical' I do not mean the period of the years following marriage immediately.

It is true, that many MILs are tyrannical towards DILs, when their(MILs) hands are up in the home hierarchy.

But, as decades go on, the DIL and husband enter into their forties, the power equation changes. Many husbands gradually accept their wives in the no. 1 power hierarchy at home either voluntarily or out of compulsion.

After this home power equation changes, it is time for tit for tat, time for revenge.

This act of revenge on the MIL, the so-far 'suffered' and 'harassed' DIL does in a meticulously planned way. This is the time when the husband would be pre-occupied with his own stuff in life, job, finances, kids' future and his own mid-life crisis.

Now the entire home power is vested in the hands of the DIL.

I have seen the DILs of yesteryears, now turning into real tyrants in my own family and in my neighbourhood.

Incident after incident , they remember and start settling their score with the now very old and powerless MIL, in a way , that is much more cruel and cunning than the way in which the MIL 'harassed' the DIL, in the past.

'Tit for tat' then becomes the motto of the lives of these DIL, for the rest of the life.

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Now tell me guys, who is tyrannical ? MILs only ?

darmesh · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

heron said: ↑

Dharmesh: I have heard you many times saying "meet you after 20 yr, when you are a mil"... have you thought of your daughter becoming a dil in those 20 yrs...

Hope we all see you then and give you a hard copy of this thread.

.
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Okay, my friend !

parvathi1980 · Jan 12, 2014

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

I don't think men and their mother's want to accept the problem. The women have no choice but to come to anonymous forums and vent. My husband is of the opinion that I should adjust with his family. It is my duty and what not.

My sil on the other hand has married without the consent of her husband's family and has cut ties with them. That is a "different" situation according to my husband.

I don't think this ill treatment is due to preference for sons. It is socially accepted that a girls mil will be nasty. The boys mil will be a slave. Anything contrary to that and tongues wag.