Domestic Violence -- Types & Warning Signals

This might have been shared here a number of times earlier, but I am posting some information about DV which I received from my counselor:

Types of domestic violence: While some forms of domestic violence leave visible signs that may alert others that there is a problem, other types of abuse may not be visible to the eye or apparent to others. These forms of domestic violence are just as painful and are often used by one partner alone or in conjunction with physical attacks to create fear and maintain control over the other person.

Various types of intimate partner violence include:
• Psychological or emotional abuse includes the use of words, gestures, or weapons to create a threat of harm against the person or their loved ones. Other types of psychological abuse include tactics of intimidation, isolation from family and friends, monitoring and controlling someone’s activities, stalking, insults, name-calling, and attempts to humiliate, belittle, or embarrass someone. In same-sex couples, one partner may threaten to “out” the other to family, friends, employers, or the community. An abuser may threaten a person who is part of an immigrant population with deportation or lie about citizenship. Psychological and emotional abuse erodes a person’s self-esteem and confidence while also creating fear and maintaining control over someone.
• Economic or financial abuse can include attempting to make someone financially dependent by withholding money and assets, keeping someone from work, controlling income and household finances, or refusing to pay bills or creditors.
• Highly controlling behavior is when abusers closely monitor or control the behavior of their spouses or partners. This control can include frequent phone calls, monitoring of a partner’s whereabouts by tracking odometer readings or GPS-based applications, or denying a partner “permission” to attend events or have contact with others. Abusers frequently act out of extreme, often unwarranted, jealousy. Partners of such abusers may feel in grave danger if they “disobey” their partners’ rules. They often feel isolated and unable to ask for help.
• Physical violence is the use of physical force to cause injury, harm, disability, or death. It includes acts such as restraining, scratching, pushing, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, choking, biting, or using a weapon or object against the other person. Injuries may be visible — and noticed by friends or family — or hidden.
• Sexual violence is the use of force or coercion in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual contact or activity. Sexual violence committed by a current or former partner is often under reported to police.

Warning signs: Most abusive relationships do not start with physical violence or verbal insults, but indicators may be present. In the early stages of a relationship, there could be important signs or behaviors that indicate a potentially abusive pattern. We may hope that we have found a person who is caring, understanding, and loving, but hopes and dreams for that special connection should not cloud the reality of what is right in front of us. We cannot change the behaviors of others. Attempts to stay in a situation where there is abuse, with the hope that the other person will change, can be dangerous. Be alert to warning signs that could signal the potential for an abusive relationship.

Questions to ask yourself to know if your relationship is abusive:
• Are you fearful of your partner and how he or she will act or respond in certain situations?
• Do you find yourself trying to explain his or her behavior to friends or family? Example: “Oh, he’s just really tired tonight; that’s why he yelled at me.”
• Has your partner ever hurt or threatened to hurt someone you care about?
• Do you constantly worry about your partner’s moods and try to change your behavior to prevent a possible argument or abuse?
• Has your partner blamed you for his or her behavior? Example: “You made me get mad because you asked me about work again.”
• Has your partner ever punched a wall or damaged property or objects while angry?
• Is your partner often unjustifiably suspicious that you are cheating or going to cheat?
• Have you stopped going out with friends or spending time with family to avoid confrontations or conflicts with your partner?
• Is your partner critical of your behavior, appearance, or other aspect of your life?
• Is your partner overly controlling of your money and finances?
• Does your partner threaten to kill him- or herself or say that he or she could not live without you?
• Does your partner blame his or her behavior on alcohol, drugs, or an abusive childhood?
• Do you get frequent calls from your partner to monitor where you are?
• Does he or she just show up to check on you at work or when you are out with friends?

If you find yourself answering 'Yes' for one or more questions from the above list, it is time to re-think about relationship with your partner/spouse.

 

Thanks Shwetha...people say that medical treatment usually helps a person to overcome the mental issues. But, I have not seen that happening in real world(yet). Just think about it, how will a person who is abusive or manipulative from the beginning change all of a sudden due to some medicine or counseling...i dont buy it. Even if a person attempts to change his behavior, I am 99% sure that it will come back to him again after 5 or 10 years down the line. And the moment his behavior comes back, spouse will be the biggest enemy no matter how much ever she tries to put up with his violent nature.

 

@Kingkong...i hope you read my post entirely, it is specifically meant for abuse related to domestic violence

 

Thnx Maddy

 

Thanks for visiting my thread and the FB Visu. Of course this thread is not a comprehensive list. Please feel free to add more pointers which may help others.