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ladies confused over husband's behaviour is this normal?? share your views pls.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Moromap, Oct 24, 2013.

  1. Moromap

    Moromap New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Iam married with kids.Me and hubby are jus a normal couple or so i think.
    when he says he wants to have sex i sometimes say i'm tired,but mostly i do oblige but i make him use the condoms since i don't like to or lazy to get up and clean it after that.even though it is safe even if he does'nt use it since i have done family planning .maybe we have it once a week that's the max.
    he mostly go to sleep early along with kids when he puts them to sleep around 9:30 to 10pm after he reads bedtime books to them.i sleep bit late after the cleaning and sometimes watching the net by around 11pm.very rarely maybe once a month or so he ends up not having a proper sleep and starts watching tv in the midnight and tells me the next day that he is tired at office as he cud'nt sleep last night.i tell him don't that in weekdays,see who is suffering and all.
    sometimes he wants me to jus help him relieve himself (like me to do handjob) as i jus don't feel like getting undressed or too tired to do a session.
    last night since i had my periods and felt tired i slept by 10pm.and after the kids went to sleep he just went to the living room i thought maybe to watch tv but i was too tired to even ask.i woke up in the midnight around 1:30am from my deep sleep because of some noise i thought.then i kept calling him to go to sleep because i cud see the lights coming from the living room,he did'nt reply.so i got up and saw that he is inside the toilet,he said go to sleep as he is jus going to the toilet.
    but i had my doubts,since i had an inkling that it's sound of his masturbation that i woke up with,and when he came out i confronted him.he accepted and apologised saying that he did'nt want to disturb me since iam having my periods.
    i asked him what he was watching on the tv he said it's a normal movie.but i found the ipad in the toilet and wanted to chk what he was viewing,he said he cleared the history,and he was not watching any **** but was seeing the swimwear collection only.and he said that he is praying to God that he should not get these thoughts or do this hereafter as he felt bad doing this now.
    now it makes me feel upset,is it normal for guys to do this? or is it because of me not being very interested,that he is resorting to this,am i responsible. i jus don't know...what do u guys think??
     
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  2. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Ahem - reminded me of saying or sorts that goes " mum will neither feed nor let me beg".
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It's normal...don't harass the poor guy.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    or let me make my own sandwich.....:coffee
     
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  5. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is completely normal. Please don't make him feel guilty about it. From your post it seems that there is a significant difference between your respective libidos. You seem to need much less sex compared to your husband. Perhaps it is the timing that doesn't work for you. Late night intimacy, especially after a long and tiring day can seem like an onerous task, especially when all you are looking forward to is a nice warm bed. How about you use this incident as a jumping off point and have a heart to heart with him? Would mornings work better for you? Sleep early, get a good night's rest and wake up before the kids do to get some intimate time with hubby. Since you will shower in the morning anyway, it will take away some of laziness you feel in cleaning up afterwards.

    Also you might want to get over your aversion for sex without physical protection. Most men (and a lot of women) don't care for the sensation of condoms. Perhaps the experience is not a lot of fun for your husband. Since your only hang up is cleaning up afterwards, keep a box of wet wipes at your bedside. When you absolutely do not feel like indulging in sex, helping him relieve himself is actually a great way to let him have what he needs without driving the poor man away.

    Viewing **** is not a sin, and your husband shouldn't have to apologize for doing it. The fact that he did and he feels guilty, shows that he is quite a stand up guy, who cares about your feelings. It would be best to communicate with him and find a happy medium that works for both of you.
     
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  6. Phalguni

    Phalguni Bronze IL'ite

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    Do not make him feel guilty...and you don't feel guilty either...both of you are normal human beings.
     
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  7. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    OP watching **** is better than he cheating on your with some real lady.Let him choose less bad option.
     
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  8. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    Hey, Please try to find some time in your life for your DH, though its very difficult if we have kids and we have busy mornings. But don't treat the sex as the least priority task in your daily job and I believe that it has very important role in a family life than cleaning :)

    Try to pack your bags in weekends and go for a two day trip where you are absolute free from your all busy works, its will refresh your relation like a new one.
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    On a serious note...dear OP , as long as he is not choosing pleasing himself over having sex with you...everything is fine.If possible...try to find time for each other......cleaning and cooking can wait. Why let him waste all that effort on one person when it could please two?
     
  10. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    So it is ok to watch ****? All wives should accept that men "need" it? Why do I feel something is not right here!!!
     
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