Am i mad?

Hi,
As like you,from childhood i was bullied by my friends.When i was in 9 th grade,it is the age where girls gets attract to guys and vice versa. Most of my girl friend either in love or loved by someone except me.My senior used to tease me that when u laugh ,i can see only ur teeth( From that i wont laugh loud or smile showing my teeth ,till now). But after that few guys loved me bcoz i speak jovially to them.( i think bcoz of that they infacuated towards me).When i was in collage i loved my school mate who was also my class mate in collage.I didnt propose but i used to try to get attraction from him .i used to silly things for him like to i used to stay in class without to going to hostel for lunch ,just to get a word from him " didnt u go for lunch to hostel"( how mad i am).After my Ug, i proposed him when i studying Pg. He didnt say anything but later i came know that he is in love with my UG collage mate.She used to attractive.Then i realize i am attractive or pretty enough to be loved by him.After that i was loved a friend who used to be very close to me,but couldnt able accept his love(bcoz of prev love or bcoz of my parents)When my parents started to c alliance for me, i first hesitated to marry bcoz i was working and joined the company just few months.I thought i should get good experience and marry. i even told my parents,this is the reason. But they believed it. Without knowing me,they asked my close girl frd about my hesitation for marrying. i was shocked when i came to know this. I didnt accept my close frd love because i dnt want to get a bad name for my parents from society bcoz of me.( This thought was there in my mind from teenage that i should get good name for my parents)(some will ask ,then why i loved my UG frd. I am a human being, this love blossomed without my knowledge). Once i told my parents that i like to marry anyone but should not be more age difference( i was 23 at that time,so i asked less than 28). Once there was a fight in home regarding my marriage and my father said " Is she a film star to be married by 27 old young guy". I was shocked. Second time ,in my life i felt i was not pretty.Same week , my close friend who was loving me who know my parents were searching alliance for me said " Only a 32 yr old guy can marry you". This is my third time. Now i am married and have a kid. I have said to my husband that my parents have seen alliance for me 3 yrs and finally found u. Now, my husband used to say. If i didnt marry you,still u wouldnt be married and still searching for groom( married for 5 yrs). He said this many times. when ever i hear this, i feel something pierching thro my heart.I am praying god, my son who s my last guy in my life shouldn't tease about me.If i hear, i think that will be the last day in my life.(Totally 7 of them loved me in my life,my husband knew it)Am i mad? is it true i am not pretty or others likes to bully me.Till now i have an inferiority complex that i am not looking good.if someone say i am looking fat or old, thats all. i will think about that always.i missed my smile bcoz of my school senior comment. Do i really looking ok or as said by others i am not good looking?

 

He says, Bcoz he feel pity on me he married me

 

Most of them use to talk to me till they find a attractive girl or girl they like. Till that they will talk to me