Is this marriage worth saving?

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Hi everyone,

Its been a long time since I posted here.I hope you all still remember me.I am facing a serious issue right now & friends I need your guidance and support.Feeling really frustrated to the point of ending this marriage.
To people who don't know me,I have been TTC for one and a half years.Pls go through my previous thread-

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/211603-how-cope-spouse-who-blames.html

Well my H's behaviour didn't change at all.I needed change and support,so I went on a 1.5 month trip to India few months back.Due to serious Mil issues(we are not on talking terms),I told him that I can go visit his mom for a day but can't stay there without him.He was ok with it and I went ahead.Meanwhile he told me that he had kept my trip a secret from his mom and asked me to do the same.Its been 2 yrs since he saw his mom as well so he informed me that she will be coming to US around Sep-Oct.I had a great time in India & after I came back he told me how much he missed me and all that.Until last week our relationship was basically good,I mean it went smoothly if we chose to ignore/avoid sensitive topics.Topics about when I am going to get pregnant,his mom and about my parents(how they didn't meet his expectations (dowry) during marriage).

Coming to the incident that happened last week,it just started with me asking him to be more open and free with me for a minor issue.Then he just replied that being open and frank always lead to arguments.And then told me if we have a kid I can't avoid visiting his mom like I did this time,I would have to spend equal time for his mom and my parents.Stupid me answered that ofcourse I can't avoid the trip to his mom's house since she would also like to see her grandchild but the no of days I spend there will depend on the way she will treat me.From there he just started on how we have to live in X town where his mom lives when we move to India.This was news to me because all he told was he can't live separate from his mother but never told me we would be shifting to X town.Prior to marriage we both lived and worked in Y city and thats were my parents live.X is a very small town,we both can't find work there we would have to travel atleast 1 hr to another nearby city to go to work.Altogether it would take around 4 hrs to and fro from work everyday,plus I am not really looking forward to stay in his mom's house.I was in shock and very angry that he made such important decisions with his mom without considering me so I told him abruptly that if this is the case then I will have to think about our relationship(i know I could have handled it better.)He got angry and I stood up & proceeded to go to avoid arguments,he pulled my hands roughly and told"You are so arrogant,you are leaving when I am talking.You better sit down or I will break your bones."This was the first time he used such degrading language and I lost my temper,he started scolding my parents and I did the same.He held my neck(to stop me from talking it seems) and pushed me down the bed and beat me.This is the second time this is happening,first time(a year back) he really regretted it, so I just let go.I just shouted and told him that our relationship was over and I am talking to my parents about this.He coolly replied that I can do that,he's not going to tremble and beg.He then proceeded to tell hurtful things like "why can't my dad sponser for my medical treatments(its nothing expensive,its just 30-40$ copay for gyn visit every 2-3 months),how he only has to do everything","if you want go back to india for 6 months,but ask your dad to sponser the tickets,I can't do like last time","I take my health issue very lightly,I won't bother even if we have a child for 5 yrs(its not true,I do yoga everyday,follow strict diet & lost 30 pounds-weight I gained due to PCOS,getting my periods on time for the past 2 months,something which did not happen in 2 yrs)...and indirectly he conveyed that he's suspicious that I hid the fact that I have PCOS before marriage(which is not true).

I informed my parents about everything(no secrets) now because I have lost interest to make this marriage work.They are really scared for me.In this situation his mom is going to come for US trip at the end of this month,so things are going to get worse.I told him I am going to India because I am really upset and my dad will arrange for tickets.He looked sad and told me he will discuss about this later.A day later he told me its not such a good idea and started blaming me that I made this decision myself without consulting him.I just told him I needed to go,I am depressed.He finally said"Look its your call,don't blame me later.If you go there your parents will support you and mom will support me and this is going to end badly."The worst part is he's not even feeling guilty about it.I told him I was wrong and will never talk bad about his mom again,will he promise not to raise his hands against me in future?For that question he put another question to me whether my decision will change if he promised?When I told I don't know,he said don't bother.We are not on talking terms for a week,I just ask him to have his food other than that no conversations.My parents are fully supportive and though they want me to stay here to give a last try,they told that its entirely up to me.They still have the ray of hope that if baby comes he will be better,though I have lost that hope.So currently I have decided to stay here just for me and for them that tomorrow I shouldn't regret that I didn't try harder.This is the final straw.

Here are some facts you guys should now-

1)The first year of our marriage was blissful inspite of mil problems,it was like we understood each other perfectly well.Thinking back now had I been in touch with his mom(inspite of her horrible,rotten mouth that drove me into depression)when he was good to me,maybe I would not be blamed this badly.I made very few attempts,wish I had let go of the ego that time.

2)The shift in his behaviour towards me started when we found out that I had low progesterone lvls and hormonal imbalance.Thats when his mom started constantly pestering him,putting negative thoughts into his head.That continues to this day.

3)He does show care for me in his own way.Simple things but very thoughtful-like remembering and showing me places I wanted to see without even me asking for it,even when we get into nasty arguments he can't remain mum for long.He's the first to make up and cheer me up(he did that this time too,not in a "iam sorry" kind of way but "don't make this big issue take it lightly" sort of way.Always asks if I have eaten.He went for buying groceries after we fought and he didn't forget to buy lettuce and apples.(he doesn't eat that)

4)For a person who is really brilliant in academics and at work,he's pretty dumb at understanding human emotions.I don't think he even realises I am very serious about separating and Iam actually prepared for it.He doesn't understand to the lvl I am affected because of his hurtful remarks.I have tried making him understand,but its useless.This guy drove me into depression,I can't sleep well for the past few months and I am constantly under stress.

5)"You spoilt my life.","I am unlucky.Just look at X couple,they got married after us and they will have baby even before you do..","No fault from my side,its all your fault..","when you have fault,you have to compromise and feel guilty.you tried for 1.5 yrs why not ask my mother and follow what she says?","no one in my family is talking with me nowadays its all because of you"-these are some of the random crude comments he has made the last few months.

6)He has made remarks directly/indirectly that he's disappointed in what my dad did for us.He's very affected by the fact that all my jewels are kept in my name and in my control rather than him or his mom.I made it very clear to him before marriage that we won't give dowry,but everything changed after he tied the knot.My dad did put FD of 1 lakh as a joint account in both our names going against my wishes and saying its our custom,but still H is not satisfied.

Based on his arguments how much good he is with me depends on these factors-"how I am with his mom","how much I listen to him" and to some extent "what my parents gave him".I am sick of his narrow minded attitude and I am angry at myself for marrying this guy.Now that he's gotten physical,I can't take this crap anymore.The latest was just a trigger incident,I have been frustrated for months.Is this marriage worth saving?

 

Thanks Endlesshope. The thing is if me having baby will only save this marriage,I don't want it to work at all.He better change his attitude else he will end up childless and wifeless..Sorry I am really fed up.

After his mom leaves,and I just pray to God to give me the patience to deal with her-I am going to give him time to change his attitude.His visa is due to expire in March 2014,so mostly we will go to India.Till then I am just planning to bear with him.I am actually scared now to spend my future with this guy who lacks basic sensitivity.